ADDICTS
by Jadidar
Summary: Fitz and Olivia are two strangers who are struggling with a three letter word, 'overcoming sex addiction.' Fitz, who has been sex free for one and a half year just quit his job with a seven figure salary to be a full time sex counselor, while Olivia is still struggling to overcome her addiction. What is going to happen when they find their selves in the same room? MAY GET DARKER
1. Chapter 1

**My grammar is somehow cranky. I'm really working on it though. Just wanted to clarify this.  
**

Olivia tried to look at her reflection in the mirror, but couldn't bring herself to it. She just had sex with her married boss Jake in his office. She began pacing back and forth in the office's washroom.

"You can't even look at yourself in the mirror." She said out loud to herself.

"Why are you such a slut?" She continued.

"When is this going to stop?" The tears started falling at his point. "I don't want to do this anymore. I can't go on living like this. I need help." She now entered the toilet cubicle and cried some more.

* * *

This was Olivia's life routine. She sexed anyone interested in her or showed her any little affection, and after the act, she cursed and hated herself for it.

It all started at sixteen when Olivia was abused by her mom's boyfriend. Her mother would bring random guys home when her dad was away for his countless business trips. Olivia hated her mom for this. Her father always told her he had to work to give them the life they had.

Olivia once walked in on her mom having sex with two guys, and it haunted her for weeks. One of those guys later on raped her. She told her mom about it, but her mom slapped and shouted at her for seducing her boy-toy. She somehow felt guilty about it, since the rape was almost pleasant at the end.

Olivia confided in her father about it too, and even let him in on what her mom has been doing when he wasn't home, but her dad brushed it off and asked her to mind her own business. It wasn't long after that before she discovered her dad had a stable family somewhere, and they were the other family. She then realized those countless business trip wasn't work-related after all.

A few months after Olivia's discovery, her mother took solace in drugs. Maya started using drugs heavily, which made her father abandon them for good. Her mother sold everything in the house to feed her addiction.

Olivia went out of control with sex after this. It wasn't like there was anyone who wanted to control her in the first place. The fact that she could get men to do anything she wanted was everything. She loved the control she had over men at the time. She enjoyed making men want her, but the feeling after the act was killing her slowly.

Olivia's life style didn't affect her education in anyway, she was a bright scholar. She was able to go to college through scholarship. The last time she tried to go without sex, was in college. She went four months without sex until she met a guy whom she really liked, Edison. She told Edison, she'd like to take things slow. But only weeks after dating Edison, Edison told her he slept with her roommate, explaining he was a man with needs.

* * *

Olivia was still sobbing inside the toilet cubicle when her coworker, Abby heard her. "Olivia, are you Ok?"

Olivia wiped her eyes and walked out of the toilet. "Yes, I'm fine."

Abby took one long look at her and shook her head. "You had sex with him again didn't you?"

Olivia didn't answer her. She went to the sink to wash her crying face. She looked at herself in the mirror and the tears started forming up again, she had to look away.

"You need help Olivia. Just go see that friend of mine. He once lived through this too." Abby said to Olivia.

Olivia shook her head slightly. "You think I haven't tried all the therapy bullshit? I've been to so many therapists, and scan all the books about dealing with this and how to get by. I've even hit church a couple times to help with my feelings. This is who I truly am, Abby. If you can't take me the way I am then that's your problem, not mine." Olivia said angrily to Abby, then attempted to leave.

Abby held Olivia by the arm. "Olivia, I'm trying to help you here."

Olivia pushed Abby's hand away from hers. "Well, I don't need your help." She said angrily and left.

 **XXX**

"The double life is pathetic. The double life was my hardest part of being an addict. You don't want anyone to know you cheat and can't control your penis. A few relatives and close friends knew I loved fucking around but didn't know how bad it was. I go to games with coworkers, hang out around friends with their wives, being friendly with their nannies, and none of these ladies knew I'm imagining them naked and fucking me senseless."

"Most sex addicts have been victims of sexual assault, but not me. It all started after some few years of marriage. I felt unloved by my wife. What I wanted was that immediate, gratifying rush like I mean something to this person. Things were going fine when we were dating. But when we got married, I found out after every sexual encounter that it was exactly the opposite." Fitz, explaining his struggle to a group of sex addicts.

He went on. "I wasn't turned on by my wife no matter how hard I tried. Masturbation helps me to relax and makes it easier for me to face sex with her. And when we had sex, I'm thinking about someone else. The fact that she loves working more than spending time with the family was something I was very happy about. I used this as an excuse to indulge myself with any lady who showed me little attention. I took things to extreme when I saw her making out with another man. Deep down somewhere within me, I knew I pushed her to do what she did. Instead for me to be angry, it was a relief because I could carry on with my illicit affairs without any remorse this time around."

"Making excuses or blaming others for your bad behavior is the beginning of self-destruction. But reminding yourself of all the damages you've done over the years to your love ones and yourself is a start of the recovery process. "

"It's been nearly two years since the start of my convalescence. My mentor now jokes I'm impotent because I've lost the desire to sleep with any woman." Fitz paused and looked at the group. "Just so we're clear, I'm not impotent." The group laughed with him at this point.

"I'm really relieved not to be a slave to sex. I can tell you for certain, there's no woman on this planet earth who I can't control myself over, and for this I'm grateful. Don't get me wrong, I still look at some ladies and go, wow, she's hot, but with no intention or thought of fucking her. I'm really thankful for the fact that I don't get turned on carelessly as before. At first, I normally get a boner in public when a pretty lady walks by. You can imagine how embarrassing that is…"

Abby entered Fitz's class and interrupted his discussion with the group. "Sorry, I can come another time." Abby said, and then tried to leave.

"Hey, no Abby, come. Everyone this is Abby. One of my former employees, the only lady I had too much respect not to hit on."

The group laughed and said. "Hello Abby"

"Hi guys." _Well, because somehow you weren't attracted to me._ Abby said inside her.

Fitz was a little surprise to see her. "What are you doing here? Don't tell me you're going through some of this?" He aimed at the group.

"Jesus, no." Abby answered quickly, then took in her judgmental tone. "I'm good. I'm here for a friend." She smiled at the group.

Fitz smiled at how nervous she looked. "Where is the friend?"

Abby thanked God Fitz didn't take offense in her earlier remark."Well, she's not here. I don't think she believes she can change."

Fitz has heard this so many times. He once believed he could never change too. "Tell your friend everybody can change if they're willing."

"I'll like you to tell her that, please." Abby begged.

"Abby, you can ask anyone here. No one can force anyone, to believe anything. The person must be willing to take that step. If not, you're merely wasting your time with her."

 **xxx**

Olivia went to see Abby to apologies how she treated her at the office's washroom, certain she was just being concerned and wanted to help. She knocked at Abby's door. Abby opened the door, and was just standing there staring at her, still mad at her.

"I brought red wine and pizza." Olivia said, waiting for Abby to accept her apology.

Abby didn't budge at all. She was tired being the one more concern about her well being. "I've eaten already." Abby said, not going easy on her.

Olivia bowed down her head at her rejection. "Abby, I'm sorry I transferred my aggression to you. I was angry at myself not you."

"Olivia we've gone through this road before. And I'm done, if you don't want to help yourself. I don't want to be part of your life."

Olivia was taken aback. "Like really?" Abby knew about her problem, but has never gotten this angry at her before.

"Yes, like really. You said if I can't take you the way you are is my problem and not yours. So yes, I can't take you the way you are. This friendship is over." Abby said and slammed the door in Olivia's face.

Olivia stood at Abby's door, hurts. She dropped down the red wine and the pizza in front of Abby's door, and walked away, crying. Their friendship was something she held very close to her heart. Abby was the first and only friend she has. They clicked the first day they met each other.

Abby and Olivia both applied for the same job and luckily for them, Jake picked them both. He told them he needed more hands. Jake had once made a pass on Abby, but Abby put him in his place.

Abby and Olivia has known each other for almost two years, but their friendship was like they'd known each other forever. Olivia told Abby she was an addict the first day they started work. Abby asked her what kind of addict, she told her with time she'd find out.

Olivia recalled Abby thanking God she wasn't a drug addict the day she found out she was addicted to sex instead. Olivia told her if anything she wished she was addicted to drugs and not sex.

Abby has always been there for her, she didn't even judge after she revealed the number of people she has slept with. She has been so supportive, even when she once tried to end it all.

Olivia was still in her car crying heavily when Abby knocked on her windshield for her to roll down her side window. Olivia did, ashamed to look at Abby.

"Olivia, I sometimes feel like I'm your enabler. I know it wasn't a big deal when you told me you were addicted to this lifestyle. But I can see you don't like it yourself. I just want you to be proud of yourself. I want you to look at the mirror without tears forming in your eyes. My old boss, Fitz went through this as well, but he's a new person today. He now works at this center that counsel people going through the same thing. He has a session tomorrow, come with me. Please do this for me."

Olivia wiped her eyes and looked at Abby now. "Abby, it's not that I don't want to go. I don't want to disappoint you anymore. I've tried this before, but we all ended up having sex in one of the sessions, including the therapist. We're just that messed up."

"Fitz is different. He has been two years free now. He has a family he's trying to do right by. I know him personally. He's a different man now."

"OK, I'm going to try this therapy thing again. I will go with you tomorrow." Olivia surrendered.

Abby pulled open her car door. "Now get out of the car and give me a hug."

* * *

Olivia and Abby entered Fitz's class just when he was telling his story about the day he was certain he overcame his addiction.

"So, it was on my six months sober anniversary. I told my friends I was six months sober without sex or masturbation….." Fitz spotted Abby and Olivia entering his class. He cleared his voice and paused, when he made eye contact with Olivia. He felt a strange wriggling sensation in his stomach. _No way, this can't be right._ He articulated in his mind.

 _Wow,_ six _months without sex. I think he is lying. I'll die if I go_ six _months without sex._ Olivia thought within herself. Her eyes now captured the way Fitz stared at her. And she felt something totally different from her usual desire to be fucked.

Fitz walked up to them and extended his hand to Abby. "Abby, I see you were able to convince your friend." He then extended his hand to Olivia. They both held their hands and just stared at it, both afraid to make eye contact. Abby wasn't really paying attention to them. Fitz took his hand off Olivia quickly, then introduced himself and the group to Olivia, and Olivia did likewise.

After the introduction, Abby wanted to leave, but Olivia whispered and begged her to stay. "Please don't go."

"Why are you scared?" Abby whispered the question to Olivia.

"He can't wait to fuck me." Olivia answered.

Abby scolded her."Olivia, not everybody wants to fuck you. You're only looking for reasons not to stay. We barely got here."

One of the group members asked Fitz to continue with his story. "Hey Fitz, please proceed with your story about your six months sober anniversary."

Fitz became uncomfortable. He didn't want to finish the story. He has never felt uncomfortable around any woman even when he was a hardcore addict. He was always the one in control, taking charge. But now he felt shy to even make eye contact with Olivia. And he didn't like this one bit.

"Where was I?" Fitz asked.

"You just told your friends you were six months free without sex or masturbation." Another member chipped in, agitated to hear the story.

Olivia decided to push the feeling of Fitz wanting to fuck her or attracted to her at the back of her head. _Maybe Abby is right, not everyone wants to fuck m_ e. _To be sincere, I'm the one dying to fuck him. I wonder how he'll feel in my mouth._ she had to stop her thought. _Olivia, focus._ She decided to focus her gaze at the center of the floor.

It was a relief to Fitz that Olivia's eyes wasn't on him while he continued with his story. "OK, my friends were very aware of the kind of ladies I couldn't resist….."

"What kind of ladies?" Someone in the group asked.

Even though Olivia's eyes weren't on Fitz, she felt Fitz's eyes peeking through her rapidly.

"Let's not get into that." Fitz replied. "Can I continue?" He demanded.

"Yes." Everyone shouted in union excerpt Olivia, and this did not go unnoticed by Fitz.

"My friends sent three women all naked in my hotel room. And I was completely mum. I was very shocked by it by the way, because I know me. The ladies went back and told them my reaction and they sent the ladies back to attack me. They came back and were all over me, touching me, grinding me, sucking, and I was still mum. This was when I believe I wasn't a slave to sex anymore. And no woman has control over me."

The crowd applauded Fitz, but Olivia chuckled and rolled her eyes. And this pissed Fitz off. "Miss Pope is there anything would like to say?" Fitz asked with a hint of anger in his voice.

Olivia stared at him for some time, then smiled sweetly. "No, I'm just proud of you." She flirted. Abby saw this and pushed her lightly.

"That will be all for today guys. In our next session, we'll like to know Olivia more, for her to tell us something about herself and her struggles."

Olivia got nervous all of a sudden. "I'm sorry, but I'm not ready. I barely got here."

"No pressure Miss Pope, if by then you're not ready, then fine." Fitz replied, happy he put her out of her comfort zone.

As the class ended, members were mingling around in groups. Abby went to have a chat with Fitz. Four guys approached Olivia. Olivia could tell all the four guys around her wanted nothing but sex from her. While she tried to listen to the conversation around her, her eyes kept going back to Fitz. They both kept throwing side glances at each other.

Abby saw a guy gave Olivia his number and the number of guys around her, and got alerted, certain it was only a matter of time and location before they fuck their brains off. She immediately called her for them to leave.

 **Tell me something. Interesting, boring or indifference?**


	2. Chapter 2

**THANK YOU GUYS FOR ALL THE LOVE. AND A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO KKINBERLY49 FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND FRIENDSHIP, LOVE YOU GIRL.**

 **If the first chapter was hard for you, please I beg you don't read this. This may still be tough for those who liked it. I just think every story deserves to be told.**

Fitz peeked his head through his mentor's door. "I want one of my students to join your class."

"Straight or gay?" Cyrus asked him.

He shrugged. "I really don't know. I think straight, but then again when it comes to addicts, can one really tell? She can be bisexual for all I know."

"You know I deal with just gay addict, right?" Cyrus asked him.

Fitz smiled and entered Cyrus' office now. "Yes, I know. What is even the difference? A sex addict is a sex addict. I think you should expand your horizon."

Cyrus studied Fitz for a while, then asked. "Why don't you want her?"

Fitz was certain Cyrus was going to be shocked with what he was about to say. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to relapse if she stays." Fitz confessed.

Cyrus was more shocked than Fitz anticipated. "What? Are you being serious? I was very certain your libido is done, over, finish, complete. The fact that you haven't slept with those two hot blonde housekeepers of yours, is something that is not normal, even for a non sex addict."

Fitz threw his head back and burst into laughter. "I know they're dying to have a piece of me, which is why I chose them as my housekeepers, to prove I'm not longer a slave to hot women."

Cyrus was a hundred percent certain Fitz has lost all interest in sex. He has tested Fitz with every method possible, but he didn't stir.

"Man, I was convinced you were impotent. And when you get back with Mellie, you'll realize you're not into sex or marriage, then eventually get a divorce and go on with your work as a sex counselor. You felt this way with an addict?"

Fitz sighed in defeat. "Yes. I've never felt like this with anyone in my lifetime. It's not just because she's pretty and hot. She has something mysteriously dark and unsafe that the spoiled side of me just feels like exploring, but I'm not that guy anymore."

Cyrus thought about that for a while. "I believe this is a real test, to find out if you've actually recovered. I'd advise you to continue with her."

"Nah, I have six months left before Mellie and I get back together. I want to be with my kids. I've missed them so much! I can't mess this up."

"You don't actually care about Mellie, you recognize that, right?" Cy asked, more of a rhetorical inquiry, and then went on. "But what if Mellie's boyfriend, what's his face, Andrew, refuse to stop seeing her after you guys get back together?"

"No, we had a deal. When my two year recovery period is over, Mellie will stop seeing Andrew. I brought all this on myself. I don't require her to wait until my recovery is done before she have sex. I did fuck around behind her back like a dog, you know that, right?"

"What if again, after everything, you're still not sexually attracted to her?"

"I don't want to think about that. I'll try my hardest to be." Fitz replied, but without conviction.

Cyrus sighed deeply. "I don't know how you guys came up with that stupid plan in the first place. If she loved you enough, she'd have waited until when you're in a better place. She drove you into an addict in the first place."

"No, I did this to myself. It was either a divorce or I agree for her to see someone while I get help. This was fair enough. It's fair. I only want to be close to my kids again."

"You know, every time we talked about this you keep saying you just want to be around your kids not Mellie."

"If we get a divorce she'll win full custody of my kids. I don't want that to happen. As long as I'm close to my kids every day, I don't care if she screws Andrew. I've done worse to her."

Cyrus gave up attempting to understand Fitz arrangement with Mellie. "OK, but I want you to keep this new addict of yours. She's here to get help. Make sure she receives it, and don't mess with her mind. This should be your final test. You'll be getting your counselor license soon."

Fitz thought for a while. If he could resist whatever this thing with Olivia was, he was certain he would be a free man indeed _._ "I think she's aware I'm attracted to her. I'll have to make sure she thinks I'm not, then stay as far as possible away from her. This is going to be strictly student-counselor relationship."

"Do what you have to do to get along. Just make sure she gets the help she need."

 **XXX**

"Were you really flirting with Fitz?" Abby asked Olivia.

"No, I wasn't. Why would you say that?" Olivia asked confused.

"I'm just proud of you?" She mimicked Olivia's response to Fitz. "Please Olivia, he's married too, just like Jake. Don't initiate anything."

"Why do you think I'm trying to initiate something? He's the one thinking about the positions he'll like to use on me."

"No, he isn't. Are you a mind reader now?" Abby questioned. "I know him. He's not like that anymore. The story he recounted about the girls sent to seduce him is genuine. Leo was one of those friends. They're sure he's no longer into sex, at all."

Olivia simply rolled her eyes and sighed. "If only you know."

Abby paused and stared hard at her. "Olivia, just promise me you'll take this SA-meetings seriously."

Olivia raised one hand up. "Abby, I promise."

"I saw you took the number of one of those guys who were around you while I was talking to Fitz. Give me the card."

"Why?" Olivia asked.

"Not everybody in that group really wants to give up your lifestyle. Some are simply looking for people they can take advantage of. And those four guys wanted that."

"You think I don't know that?"

Abby was determined to be hard on her. "I know you do, but it won't stop you from sleeping with any of them. Give me the card.."

Olivia was a little hurt by Abby's remarks, but knew it was the truth. There was one guy among those guys, Frank, who she had already pictured naked, and imagined the size of his penis.

"Fine, take the card." She gave the card to Abby.

"There's another meeting tomorrow, but I won't be going with you."

"No, there's no meeting. Frank told me there will be a meeting a day after tomorrow."

"Who's Frank? Don't even answer that. I really don't want to know. I saw the meeting schedule, there's a session tomorrow. Will you be going or not?" Abby asked sternly.

"Gee, I promise I will be there Abby."

* * *

Fitz was in his office, reading a book when Olivia knocked on his door that was already wide open.

Since as it seemed she was the only one there for the meeting. She smiled and tried to be polite, then asked. "Sorry, I thought we were having a session today?"

Fitz shook his head in pessimism. He recognized this strategy all too well, women, pretending as if they needed information, just so they could test to see if he wasn't really into them. "Olivia, come in."

Olivia walked in and shut the door behind her. Fitz read this differently. In his mind, he thought she closed the door in order to test him. Few ladies had tried this move with him before.

Olivia was just about to sit down when Fitz interrupted her.

"Olivia, you're not different from the other sex addicts who have all tried to seduce me before, and you won't be the last. You flirted with me yesterday, don't think I didn't notice." He shook his head in annoyance.

Olivia was surprised at his accusation. "Pardon me?" She demanded.

"You know very well there isn't any session today. This information is available on our website. So, I don't know why you are here."

"Abby told me there's a meeting and…." Olivia tried to explain.

Fitz cut her off. "I'm not attracted to you Olivia. I'm not attracted to anyone, so spare yourself the hassle. You can walk around naked for all I care, I'm not going to be moved."

Olivia was literally speechless. She opened the door to walk out gracefully, but got angry and decided to prove him wrong. She closed the door with the key and turned around to face Fitz.

"What are you doing?" Fitz asked, befuddled.

"You stated you aren't attracted to me or anyone. I desire to prove you wrong." She stooped down and took off her panties.

"Get out my office." Fitz shouted at her.

"Why? Are you scared within some seconds you'll be all over me?" she asked, and took off her dress, she wasn't wearing any bra.

Fitz eyes went quickly in between her legs and then her breasts. Olivia's body heated up from his stare. She could see his veins trying to break free from his skin.

Fitz couldn't face her. He had to turn around. His body began shaking uncontrollably. His hands were in a strong fist, trying to stop his body from vibrating. He started sweating heavily. His cock didn't want to be confined. He was desperately fighting the edge not to reach over and fucked her badly. He has never lost control in front of a naked women like this, yes he normally got an erection in public when he was a hardcore addict, but not like this. He couldn't recall the last time he was turned on. "Get. Out. Of. My. Office. " Fitz said through his teeth, still not facing her.

"Why don't you want to look at me? I thought you weren't moved by those ladies your friends sent to your room. They were grinding, sucking and touching you, right? Look at me to prove you're a free man." Olivia dared him.

Fitz couldn't take the pain he was going through. His penis was on fire. He turned around angrily to force Olivia out of his office, but saw her standing with one leg, and the other leg on top of a chair so he could see her center.

 _Fitz, she has no power over you. You can do this_. _You're no longer a slave to sex_. Fitz tried to talk himself out of it, but his eyes were focus on Olivia's punani. He literally saw Olivia's vagina twitched, and the needs of his flesh intensified the more. He came to the conclusion the only way not to reach for her was to touch himself. He fumbled with his belt for a while, before pulling his trouser down and started stroking himself, looking at Olivia's body.

Olivia just practically stood there with open mouth, watching him touch himself. She could see Fitz was using all his retrain not to walk over and pounced on her. He masturbated and Olivia watched in amazement. Olivia could feel her fluid running down her legs.

The whole incident was non-contact, but it was one of the most erotic moments of their lives. Fitz looked Olivia right in the eye while he masturbated, and the feeling was downright exhibitionism for both of them.

As Fitz was reaching climax, Olivia came to her senses on what she was doing to him. _This is a man who has been sex and masturbation free for a year and a half, and I'm trying to get him back to the dark side?_ The same thought seemed to be going through Fitz's head too. He could feel himself falling back to the dark side and it wasn't pretty.

He came, and spilled his seeds all over his desk. Olivia saw the look of defeat, embarrassment and disgust all on Fitz's face. She was very accustomed to those feelings, after going days without sex, thinking she was heading somewhere, thinking she could do without it, only for her flesh to prove her wrong.

Fitz buried his head down on his desk, weeping. He felt weak, ashamed, and guilty at the same time because it felt so good. He couldn't look at Olivia. He prayed she shouldn't say anything and just leave.

Olivia dressed up quickly with tears running down her face and ran out of Fitz's office without her panties. She was certain it wouldn't be long before Fitz starts sleeping around again.

 **XXX**

Olivia's car was in the indoor parking lot. She went to it, and laid her head on top of it, breathing and crying heavily.

Frank, who gave Olivia his number during the last session approached her. "Here, take this." He gave her a tissue for her to clean her face.

Olivia took the tissue, and tried to clean her face.

"Let me help you." Frank took the tissue back from Olivia, wiping her face. "Don't worry. I know what will make you feel better." Frank said.

Olivia was already a goner from that little affection Frank just showed her. He started kissing Olivia's neck, kneading her breasts. He slipped his fingers between Olivia's legs that were still very wet from Fitz's masturbation session and said, "Wow, so fast, you're already wet for me?" He lifted Olivia's dress above her waist, and went down on his knees.

Olivia saw Fitz walking toward Frank and herself before Fitz laid eyes on them. Fitz froze for some seconds when he saw what Frank was doing to Olivia. An immediate feeling of jealousy was building inside him. He wanted to knock Frank over for taking advantage of Olivia, but then, remembered what Olivia did in his office some few minutes ago. A look of dismay and disgust spread all over his face. Olivia couldn't stand that look from Fitz. She looked down and saw Frank still tapping water from her fountain. She pushed Frank away from her and got into her car, speeding away.

 **XXX**

Olivia couldn't sleep for the whole night. The look on Fitz's face in his office and in the parking lot kept haunting her. She hated herself for what he did to him. She wondered what Fitz could be doing at this moment. She prayed and begged God for Fitz not to fall back to his old habits _._

Fitz went home that day and saw his two hot housekeepers making out in his pool. He got rid of his clothes and joined them. And they fucked their brains out.

* * *

Olivia went to work the next day and dreaded her interaction with Abby. This was what she wanted to avoid all along, letting down Abby.

When she saw Abby, all Abby wanted to talk about was the session yesterday. "Olivia how was the meeting yesterday?" Abby asked.

Olivia couldn't bring herself to look at her. She concentrated on something irrelevant on her computer. "There wasn't any session. I went and nobody was there."

"How come? This is the schedule" Abby went through the website, and then saw there wasn't any session yesterday. "I'm sorry. The session is today, not yesterday. You should be the one checking these matters out."

"I'll not be able to make it today." Olivia was barely audible.

"Why not?" Abby asked, growing annoyed.

"Because…"

Jake interrupted Olivia quickly. "Olivia, I need you in my office now."

Abby rolled her eyes dramatically and whispered. "What does he want? Olivia, please don't give in, please. You can do this."

Olivia turned and faced Abby angrily. "I won't." She said firmly.

 **XXX**

Olivia entered Jake's office and he asked her to close the door. But she stood at the door, very certain what he wanted.

"I said close the door." Jake repeated.

 _I'm not going to have sex with him. I'm not going to have sex with him_. Olivia repeated within her. "I won't close the door. What do you want?" Olivia asked.

"What I always want." Jake answered.

"I don't do that anymore. I'm now seeing a therapist."

Jake chuckled dryly. He knew she was an addict. "Since when?" He asked, walking toward Olivia.

"Jake, I'm serious." _Please don't have sex with him Olivia, be strong_. She continued trying to talk herself out.

Jake got close to her and locked the door. "Let's see how serious you are." He said and flipped Olivia over so she was bending down on his desk. He unzipped his trouser as he pushed Olivia's skirt up. He slapped Olivia's ass, knowing it will turn her on. "I know you love this shit." Jake stated.

Jake pushed his way into Olivia, and she dug her nails into his desk not ready for his entry. Olivia groaned in pain as he moved in and out of her. And just like when she was raped at sixteen, the pain was gone after a while. "Harder, please don't stop." She cried out.

Jake smiled and came inside of her. "This is who you are Olivia. You can't do without this." Jake said huskily.

The remorse kicked in. Olivia arranged her dress quickly and rushed out of Jake's office, heading to the washroom, to continue with her life's routine.

Abby saw her coming out of Jake's office, but didn't bother to check on her this time around.

The problem with Olivia was, she could never say no to sex, but she really wished she could.

 **XXX**

After Olivia completed her life's routine in the washroom, she got back to her desk.

"Are you going to the session today or not?" Abby asked with a straight face.

"What's the point?" Olivia asked disappointingly. "You know I just fucked Jake not long ago, right?"

"No, Jake 'fucked' you. The better word is, 'raped' you. But the point is, our friendship is hanging on whether you're taking a step to help yourself or not. I really don't care you had sex with Jake or let him raped you. You just started the program. I don't expect you to get over your bad habits overnight. You.…."

Olivia cut her off quickly. "I don't think Fitz….." She couldn't get herself to complete her sentence

"You don't think Fitz what?"

"I don't think he likes me."

"Olivia, I'm done with you. First, you said he can't wait to fuck you, now you don't think he likes you? You keep looking for excuses why you shouldn't help yourself. I can't push you anymore."

"Please go with me. Just for today" Olivia begged, just to please Abby.

Abby breathed deeply and calmed herself. "You know I won't be going with you all the time, right?"

"I know." She answered.

* * *

Abby and Olivia went early for the meeting. Frank, who went down on Olivia in the parking lot approached them.

"You tasted so good yesterday." He said to Olivia.

"Thanks." Olivia replied, smiling.

"Olivia, are you fucking kidding me?" Abby called out.

Before Olivia could say anything, she saw Fitz entering the room.

Fitz looked mess up and disheveled. Everyone was surprised at his appearance. Olivia hoped she wasn't the reason for his delirium. Fitz came along with his one and a half year sober chip.

Abby whispered to Olivia. "What is wrong with him?"

Olivia shrugged innocently.

Fitz ordered everyone to sit down, and they all obeyed quietly. "So guys, I have a confession to make." Fitz's compunction was obvious to everyone.

 _God, please, no, Abby is going to hate me forever._ Olivia bowed down her head, scared of what Fitz was about to say.

"I'm sorry. I'll have to begin my recovery process all over again. I slept with…."

"NO. Man, no. No. C'mon. Dude!" The group shouted their disappointed at Fitz.

"How come?" Abby asked, shocked, now certain Olivia has no chance of recovery.

"Ask your friend Olivia." Fitz said to Abby.

Abby and everyone looked at Olivia, who was somehow out of space. "Olivia, what is Fitz talking about?" Abby asked angrily.

Olivia couldn't respond or even looked at them. Her head was still bowed down.

Fitz decided to continue. "I've slept with my two hot housekeeper and three prostitutes as of now."

Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head slightly. The tears started falling without warning. She was more than disappointed in herself.

Frank smiled and asked Fitz. "After almost two years of no sex. How was it?"

Another addict poked him. "Dude! Not cool."

Fitz felt like punching Frank in the face, not because of what he said, but because he went down on Olivia in the parking lot. He then looked at Olivia with disdain written all over his face. "Olivia, I'm sure you're happy now that you've proved your point. Here is your pantie you left in my office." He threw the panties at her.

"What did she do?" Abby asked Fitz. The group repeated Abby's question to Fitz.

"She came to my office to mocked the story I told about the ladies sent by my friends to seduce me. She then undressed herself to prove she can turn me on."

Abby got up and went ballistic on Olivia. "I'm done with you. Because I said he doesn't want to fuck you, you then decide to do this, for what profit? You know what, I don't even want to know, go and fuck the whole group for all I care. I'm done with you. Don't talk to me when you see me at the office. And keep fucking Jake too. No wonder you don't have any friends, because all you're good at is fucking around. If you want to stay a whore for the rest of your life, go ahead and do it."

Abby has never called Olivia a whore, ever. Those words coming out from Abby's mouth were more than painful. Olivia couldn't breathe for some seconds. She got up, picked up the panties Fitz threw at her and literally ran out of the room.

Immediately as Olivia picked up her panties and ran out of the room, Fitz regretted his actions of publicly humiliating her. He knew better than publicly shaming an addict. And Abby took things too far. "I'm sorry guys. Abby, I'm sorry. My handling of this is wrong. Its plain wrong. I should've explained what happened first."

"What do you mean?" Abby asked.

"Olivia came to my office yesterday, saying there was a session, which we all knew there wasn't. I accused her for using that as an excuse to make a pass at me."

"I forced her to come yesterday. I thought there was a class." Abby said to Fitz.

Fitz's heart shattered a little bit, because he didn't let Olivia explained yesterday. He went along with his accounts. "I told her I know she was here to seduce me, and that I'm not attracted to her. It was a lie because I am, and it is scaring the hell out of me. I've never felt such a level of attraction with anyone in my life, not even when I was a hardcore addict _._ She got mad at my accusation and took off her dress to prove I'm attracted to her. We didn't have sex, but I got an erection and masturbated in front of her. I was then mad at myself for not being able to contain myself, my reason for sleeping with those women." Fitz bowed his head, ashamed. "I owe her an apology."

"Oh God, I have to go after her." Abby said, and left.

Frank, was like, "man, I thought her wetness in the parking lot was all my doing. Not knowing I was licking but your leftovers…."

"Get out of my class." Fitz shouted at Frank.

 **XXX**

How Olivia made it to her apartment was something she could never explain. She slapped herself in the face. She insulted herself and called herself a whore that no one wanted but to fuck. She said no wonder her own parents doesn't want anything to do with her. She kicked things and scattered things inside her apartment. Her apartment became a complete mess. She cried until she couldn't cry any longer.

Olivia was worn out, exhausted, and fatigued of her miserable life. She looked around her scattered apartment, then laid eyes on a blade not far away from her. She stared at the blade for a while. "It's not like anyone would miss me." She stated out loud to herself, then picked up the blade and slit her wrist deep down. She saw the amount of blood oozing out from her wrist and got scared. She attempted to halt the hemorrhage. But before she could get something to tie her wrist with, she collapsed.

 **I know it is a little too dark, but after darkness comes something else.  
**

 **Someone said I shouldn't let Olivia fall back to her habit, but the only way for anyone one to understand the impact of her struggles is to show it. I hate how on scandal they don't get to show Olivia's pain, but just make a little statement about it in a monologue. And we the fans are left to dissect it and come out with our own conclusions, whilst other characters are fully dissected for viewers to see. I think this is why most people do not sympathize with her on the show.  
**

 **Sex addiction is a scary topic. I completely understand if anyone doesn't want to continue with this story.**

 **"** **What sets sex addiction apart from other addictions and makes it so persistent is that the subject of sex touches on our innermost unconscious wishes and fears, our sense of self, our very identity."** **Dorothy C. Hayden, LCSW**


	3. Chapter 3

"At what age did you lose your virginity?"

"16."

"Do you have a clear image of the experience? Do you remember the details of it?"

"Every. Tiny. Piece."

"How was it? Did you enjoy the experience?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? You just said you remember every tiny piece of it. So, you either liked it or you didn't. Which one is it?"

"I don't know."

"Did you have an orgasm?"

"Yes." Olivia paused and stared at whoever was talking to her for some time, then asked. "Does this mean I liked it?"

"I think so." The person said.

Olivia shrugged indifferently. "I guess I liked it then. I moved to his rhythm, wrapped my legs around him, asked him to go harder and not to stop, and then I had an orgasm." She was silent for a while, then added. "Why would I do all that if I didn't like it? I need answers to this."

"You think you didn't like it?"

Olivia stared straight into the eyes of the person talking to her. "What's the easiest way to die?"

"Excuse me?"

She sighed and looked away. "Oh, nothing. Continue with your questions." _Wrap your legs around me. Wrap your legs around me. Had it been I didn't like it, I don't think I would've had an orgasm. Wrap your legs around me. Wrap your legs around me._ Olivia's brain wouldn't shut up.

* * *

On the other side of town, Fitz was restless. He was tossing and turning in his bed. He couldn't quit thinking about Olivia. The feeling was driving him crazy. He has to apologize to her. He knew that, but hated her at the same time. He got up and tried to masturbate, but couldn't. He struggled with his dick for a little while before giving up.

"I know it's late, but I need you here." Fitz made a phone call to his mentor.

Within some minutes Cyrus was at his doorway. He wouldn't wait for Fitz to offer him a seat. "Why didn't you tell me about your situation? I had to find out from Frank."

"I was angry at you." Fitz said and made them a drink.

"Why?" Cyrus asked, confused.

"I told you I didn't want her in my class, but you needed to test me, as if I haven't been tested enough." Fitz stated, then offered Cyrus a drink

Cyrus took the glass, asking. "Why did you have sex with those women and not her when you were dying too? Have you thought about that?"

"Don't you dare psychoanalyze me right now? I just need a friend at the moment not a psychologist." He said, a little harsher than intended.

"Sorry, how are you doing?"

Fitz calmed down and sighed. "I don't know. I can't stop thinking about her. I humiliated her in front of everyone, which I feel bad about, but I hate her at the same time for consuming my every thought. I….."

Cyrus interjected. "Frank told me you humiliated her. You should know better than to publicly humiliate a sex addict or anyone for that matter."

Fitz sighed again and settled on his couch. "I know. I really don't know what came over me. I guess I was just too mad for sleeping with those women, when all I wanted to do was to hear her scream my name instead."

"You really have it bad for her, don't you?" Cyrus asked.

"You have no idea. And the worst part of it all is I don't even know her." Fitz said, frustratingly.

"Frank told me you threw her panties at her."

Fitz lifted both hands up."Would you, for God's sake, lay off telling me what Frank told you? I can't stand that guy."

"And why is that?"

"He went down on Oliv…. Never mind"

Cyrus hid a smile behind his glass. "I know you don't want me to psychoanalyze you, but I have to do it a little."

"What?" Fitz asked, already irritated.

"What was going through your head when you were having sex with those women?"

Fitz hesitated for a moment, then gave up. "She was."

"Who was?"

"For Christ's sake, must I spell it out? Olivia."

"And why was she in your mind?"

Fitz looked at Cyrus like Cyrus was a little insane. "How am I supposed to know, aren't you the psychologist? You tell me."

"I can't tell you anything. You have to come up with your own understanding."

Fitz shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He took a sip of his drink.

"Have you fucked or thought of fucking your hot housekeepers again?"

"I sent them packing already." Fitz answered nonchalantly.

"Because you thought you'd relapse again?"

He eyed Cyrus angrily and answered a little bit up on his voice. "No, because they disgust me."

"Why is that?" Cyrus wouldn't stop with his questioning.

Fitz could now see Cyrus was trying to press his buttons purposely. "Would you stop now? I don't want to speak about it anymore."

"No, I won't stop. Have you thought of fucking anyone since after your relapsed?"

Fitz got tired fighting Cyrus questions and decided to just calm down and answered him honestly. "Yes, I've been thinking about making love to Olivia. I can't stop thinking about it."

"Interesting." Cyrus said, and took a sip of his drink.

Fitz's irritation with Cyrus was back again. "Are you kidding me? What is interesting about that?"

Cyrus smiled faintly. "I specifically used the word 'fucking' but you said making love. Addicts do not make love, they fuck. Have you masturbated since after your relapsed?" He continued with another question.

Fitz thought of what Cyrus just said, about fucking and making love, then brushed it off quickly. He sipped on his drink again. "I tried to masturbate earlier, but I couldn't get a hard on."

Cyrus shook his head. "I want you to go out to a bar or club, anywhere, whenever you have the time with the intention of having sex." Cyrus instructed Fitz.

Fitz put down his drink. "Are you kidding me? Don't you know I relapse not long ago? In fact, leave my house." He stood up from his seat. "I don't know who gave you a psychology degree in the first place." He shook his head and went to his door, so Cyrus could take a cue. "I need to try and get some rest. I don't know why I even called you in the first place, you are of no help.

* * *

"It was three weeks before my 17th birthday, and in a week I will be graduating from high school. I had been made a valedictorian. I was chosen over Chao and for this, I was the happiest person in the world. Not just because I hated Chao with fierce passion, but also because I wanted someone's approval. Even though I didn't like her, I wanted her to be proud of me. It was always about her, my mom. The fact that Chao, was just a collateral damage to gain her approval was a plus."

"Tell me about Chao."

"Chao was my best friend, or so I believed. We knew each other since 3rd grade. We studied together. Sometimes in his house and sometimes in my house. We were the brightest in our class. Many people thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend just like kids called it in those days, but we weren't.

Chao attitude toward me changed when Sam asked me out. Sam was a football player. Even though I said no to Sam; Chao was mad at me, and up till today, I still don't know why. I got sick of him too when he tore up a painting I made for my mom and dad. He knew how long I had been working on it, but didn't care.

Chao normally would see the number of men my mom brought home when we were studying. He then told Sam about it, and since I rejected Sam he was already mad at me too. So, they both spread rumors of my mom sleeping around with everyone in my school. Sam and Chao became best friends and made me their laughing stock any time they felt like it.

That's how Chao and I became the worst enemies and rival. Hence the fact that I was a valedictorian over Chao was everything to me."

"You said you paint and draw?"

"I loved painting and drawing, but not anymore. I used to paint and draw in our basement. It was my safe haven. The basement I mean. I felt calmer down there. I could draw or paint effortlessly down there. My mom didn't like this hobby of mine. She would tell me my father won't be in our lives forever. She wanted me to concentrate on something financially stable. I thought she meant my dad may die one day in a car or plane accident due to his constant traveling; not knowing it was because my dad had a stable family elsewhere."

"Tell me about the day."

"As I mentioned earlier, I've just been made a valedictorian. So, I couldn't contain my excitement. My mom was the only one I wanted to share the news with. My dad was never home anyways. Even though I recognized my mom wouldn't give a damn about it, I still wanted to share the good news with her.

I got into our house and shouted for her, but she didn't answer. I then ran upstairs to her room. I saw her on her knees giving blow job to one guy and another guy was holding her ass, jamming into it.

I froze, and just stood there staring at them. The guy on my mother's ass saw me and smiled. "I think your daughter is into us. Can she join us?" The guy said to my mom.

My mom then noticed my presence. "What are you doing? Get the fuck out." She shouted at me.

I then ran out of her room to my safe haven, the basement. I looked at my drawing and painting hard, trying to erase what I just saw, but couldn't. I tried to draw or paint something, anything, but nothing came into my head. I was completely blank. And that has never happened to me before.

"Did your mom addressed what you saw?"

"My mom was smoking in the kitchen when I left the basement to get something to eat. I saw her and froze again. Since I didn't knock before entering her room, I was afraid of what she was going to do. In our house, it was spared the rod and spoil the child. I wouldn't call it abuse though. To my greatest surprise she didn't do anything to me. Rather, she asked me what I wanted to tell her that I couldn't knock. I told her I've been made the valedictorian. "I'm proud of you baby" was all she said. She then left the kitchen without addressing what I saw.

* * *

After Cyrus left Fitz tried to sleep, but to no avail. The images of Olivia crying and running out of his class wouldn't let him close his eyes. He called Abby to find out if she'd spoken to Olivia.

Abby informed him she was at the hospital with Olivia. "What happened?" Fitz asked her.

"She tried to kill herself." Abby replied.

Fitz dropped his phone, and his eyes went totally dark. He couldn't tell how long his brain went off. When he came back to his senses he called Abby again, and asked her what hospital. Abby told him and he rushed to the hospital.

Fitz met an exhausted Abby. From Abby's eyes, Fitz could tell she had been weeping. Fitz held her and hugged her tight.

Abby didn't know how tired she was until Fitz hugged her.

"She tried to commit suicide?" Fitz asked with Abby still in his embrace.

"Yes." Abby answered and released herself from him. She then started crying again.

Fitz held her once more. "How long have you been here?

"Ten to eleven hours now."

"How is she doing?"

"She lost a lot of blood. She's till unconscious. The doctor said she's in a light coma, but would be getting up soon. I believe something is wrong, because they said she was supposed to be conscious like 7 hours ago. I guess I didn't get to her apartment on time." Abby answered with tears filled eyes.

Fitz ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "I did this to her. I never should've humiliated her."

"No, I did this." Abby said and the tears started coming down in full strength. "I didn't even let her explain what happened between you two. I simply went ballistic on her. I'm the only person she's got. I said all those horrible things to her. I called her a whore. She's not a bad person at all. She's actually the nicest person ever. She's very loving and caring. Always putting others first before herself. She never says no to anyone. I reckon it's one of the reasons she never says no to sex too. I don't care if she's a sex addict. I just want her to get up now. I promise I'll never judge her ever again. I just want my best friend back." Abby cried out.

Tears ran down on Fitz's face as he consoled Abby. "What about her family? Doesn't she have anyone here?"

"She doesn't like to talk about them. She said there's nothing to talk about."

Fitz could see how tired Abby was. "Abby, you look tired, go home and get some rest. I'll be here with her."

"No, I can't leave her. She needs me."

"You need rest."

"I'm fine."

From Abby's appearance, Fitz could tell it was only a matter of time before the exhaustion got the best of her. "Abby, I promise I'll take care of her, beside there's nothing we can do now."

"Fitz, I'm not leaving."

Fitz gave up, but tried a compromise. "OK, fine, then how about you look for somewhere here to lay your head for a few minutes."

"Okay, I can do that. Let me tell Olivia first." She walked in the direction of Olivia's room, then stop and turned around. "Would you like to see her and …?"

"Yes, thank you." Fitz answered quickly before Abby could finish her sentence.

Abby and Fitz entered Olivia's room, Fitz saw the way Olivia was tie down on the bed. "She's in a coma, why is she tied down like a criminal?"

"The doctor says she could hurt herself again if she wakes up when no one is around." Abby answered.

"But they don't need to tie her down. Where is the doctor?" Fitz shouted, seeing how harmless Olivia looked.

The doctor was already in his way to check on Olivia. "Yes, here is the doctor. I'm the doctor, can I help you?"

"Why is she tied down like a criminal? You don't need to do that. Are you sure she intentionally wanted to hurt herself? You have to untie her now." Fitz shouted at the doctor.

"And what are you to her?" The doctor asked Fitz.

"Uh… uh…" Fitz stutter.

"He's a friend, just like me." Abby answered.

"Hello friend." The doctor said to Fitz and continued. "This is not the first time your friend tried this. I have her medical record. She really wants to die and as a friend, I think this is something you're supposed to know?"

Fitz looked at Abby. "Abby?"

"Yes, this is the second time. She said it was a mistake, she didn't mean to swallow the pills." Abby recalled the day Jake and herself found Olivia passed out after their office end of year party.

The doctor shook his head and asked Abby. "And you believed her?"

Fitz begged the doctor. "Please just untie her. I won't leave her room until she gets up.?"

"Sorry, can't do." The doctor said and started his checkup on Olivia.

* * *

Events, thoughts, and images were still going through Olivia's brain as she laid on the hospital bed in a light coma.

"You've been avoiding my questions. Just tell me about your first sexual encounter"

"OK, I was standing in front of my drawing board in the basement trying to draw. I hadn't drawn or painted in weeks. Every time I tried I ended up wasting paper and inks.

I placed my pencil on my drawing board this particular day, I was determined to draw anything that popped into my mind. Images just kept floating into my brain and I kept on drawing. By the time I finished, I had drawn my mom and those two guys in her room, in the exact position I saw them. I was then startled by a voice behind me.

"Wow, you're good." The voice said.

When I turned around, I saw the guy who asked my mom whether I could join them. "What are you doing here? This basement is out of bound." I said to him.

"From what you've just drawn, the basement should definitely be out of bound." The guy replied and walked closer to me.

"What are you doing down here?" I nervously asked again.

"Your mom said I'd find you here. I'm to pick up something for her." The guy looked at my drawing more closely. "Damn, I look good in this. You are one talented girl." He said and touched his crotch.

My eyes followed his hand, and I saw how erected he was.

"Look what you've done." He smiled at me.

I begged him to leave "Please leave."

"Why should I do that?" He questioned me.

"Then I'll leave." I said to him, walking to the door.

He ran in front of me and blocked my path. "You can't leave me in this state. You did this. You have to fix this now."

I screamed at him, almost in tears. "Get out of my way. I'm going to tell my mom."

"As if she cares." He said to me.

I tried to push past him, but he pinned me on the floor. "Let me go." I shouted. He covered my mouth with his palm, and I bit it very hard.

He slapped my face almost with the same force that I bit him with. It was painful. I couldn't feel my face or hear anything for some minutes, then I heard him. "Look what you've done. You made me hit you. I'm sorry." He apologized, at the same time, yanking my skirt and panties out of me. He kissed me hard on my lips. I could taste my blood from the bruises he created with his teeth. He then pushed his way into me and I screamed bloody murder. It was the worst pain I've ever experienced. I screamed out loud and struggled to get up. "Don't make me slap you again. Just be still and you're going to like it." He said with a chilling voice. I struggled to move again. He then pushed deeper inside of me, and I screamed louder hoping someone could hear me. "You see, if you keep fighting you're going to feel the pain. Stay put and I'll be gentle." I didn't have a choice but to comply. And he was gentle. He moved gently in and out of me while talking to me. "Don't worry, everything will be OK. You're a very pretty girl, you should know this. You can get any man to do whatever you want if you play your cards right. You feel so good around me." He said.

I was now calmer, and the fierce pain wasn't there. After a while, I could feel my body moving involuntarily to his rhythm. "You see, is it painful?" He asked me, and I shook my head, implying no. "Good, now wrap your legs around me. I said wrap your legs around me." He repeated, but my legs were too heavy to get up. "Don't make me repeat myself." He said firmly, and all of a sudden, my legs became lighter, and I wrapped my legs around him. I could feel the pleasure building up from my toes. I held his ass with both hands and I screamed, "harder, please, don't stop." Within some few seconds, we both came. I had an orgasm."

"I'm very sorry." The person talking to Olivia said.

"You don't have to be sorry." Olivia replied. "I moved to his rhythm. I wrapped my legs around him. I asked him to go harder, for him not to stop, and I had an orgasm. I really didn't know whether I liked it until today. You said since as I had an orgasm, it meant I liked it. So, to answer your second question whether my first sexual experience was nice. I'll say it was enjoyable at the end."

"I'm truly sorry."

"Can I go now?" Olivia asked.

"Is there any question you'd like to ask me?"

"Yes." She answered.

* * *

The doctor turned down Fitz's plea to untie Olivia.

Abby was resting somewhere in the hospital.

Fitz was alone with Olivia, just staring at her, telling her he was sorry for humiliating her. "I'm very sorry for what I did to you." Fitz said and tears ran down his face. "Just get up. Please get up." He touched Olivia's face. "I beg of you, get up. I promise if you do, I'm going to spend the rest of my life making sure you get better, to see you're proud of yourself." Fitz wiped the tears on his cheeks, and continued. "I don't know the demon you're struggling with inside, but I promise to help you fight it." He paused again, and was quiet for a while. He kissed Olivia's palm, and felt one magnetic force between them, he shivered within him, then said. "I don't know what this fire, this electric force, this pull is toward you, and I don't even want to know. I just want you to get up and give yourself another chance. Please get up"

"Why did she hit me?" Olivia asked, with her eyes still close, barely unconscious.

"Olivia?" Fitz called out.

"It wasn't my fault." Olivia continued.

"Olivia? Doctor!" Fitz shouted

"I told her what he did to me, but she blamed me and hit me. It wasn't my intention to have sex with him. I told her I was sorry, but she said I was the reason for her distress. She said I ruined her life. That my dad hates her because of me."

"Doctor!" Fitz shouted loudly.

The Doctor finally came, and calmed down Olivia. She regained consciousness and looked around, then saw Fitz. "Fitz?"

"Yes, Olivia, are you OK?" Fitz shifted closer to her.

"I'm truly sorry for what I did to you." Olivia said, barely audible.

"No, I'm sorry. I did this. I'm the reason you're on this hospital bed."

Olivia then realized she was at the hospital. She attempted to get up, but the doctor asked her to stay put. She wanted to touch her face, but her hands were retrained. She immediately had a severe panic attack, she started shouting and crying. "Why am I tied down? Why am I tied down? Untie me please, please untie me." She screamed out. "Doctor, please untie me." She looked at Fitz. "Fitz I'm sorry for what I did to you. I didn't mean to! Please untie me. Tell him to untie me." She cried out some more.

Fitz was at her side trying to calm her down. He looked at the doctor and shouted through his teeth. "You better untie her or I'm going to do it myself."

"You have to promise you won't hurt yourself again." The doctor said to Olivia.

"I promise." "She promised." Olivia and Fitz said in union. The doctor started untying her. But he was wasting too much time. Fitz had to assist him.

After Olivia was completely untied, she hugged Fitz, and Fitz held her tight. "I got you." He said to her. "You're not alone. I got you."

 **A/N: Yes, Dra2263, I had your idea in mind when I started the first chapter. I was reluctant to write such a topic at first, but my brain wouldn't shut up about it, I decided to give in, then I started thinking and researching about the premises of the story. The idea you gave was among some of the ideas that got me excited to start typing. So, thank you for bringing that up.  
**

 **PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. I AM LITTLE SCARED OF THIS CHAPTER.**


	4. Chapter 4

_Sex addiction has nothing to do with sex. Any sexual act or apparent perversion has no meaning outside of its psychological, unconscious context._

 _Sex addiction has been called the athlete's foot of the mind: It is an itch always waiting to be scratched. The scratching, however, causes wounds and never alleviates the itch. The majority of sexual compulsive lives in isolation, filled with feelings of shame; relationships are ruined, freedom of self is impaired, hobbies and activities once enjoyed are dropped, and energies are consumed. The life of a sex addict gradually becomes very small._

 _Sex, for an addict, begins to be the primary value and a confirmation of sense of self. Feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, and worthlessness magically disappear while_ _sexually_ _preoccupied._ _However, the use of sex to meet self-centered needs for approval or affection precludes using it to meet the intimacy needs of a cherished other._ _This narcissism prevents addicts from deriving satisfaction from mutual, reciprocal relationships in real life. Sexualizing is used as a magical elixir to meet needs without having to negotiate the ups and downs of intimate relationships._

 _After addicts have gotten to the root cause of their addiction and understand the manner in which sex affects their lives and others, they can begin to engage in a healthy sex life._

 _For anyone struggling with sex addiction, a period of abstinence is essential. By continuing to engage in sexual behaviors, sex addicts aren't allowed the opportunity to break the addictive cycle._

 _Some contemporary psychoanalysts use the concept of a vertical split in treating sex addicts. The split exists from inadequate upbringing, which results in structural deficits in the personality._ _Treatment bridges the gap of the split. Its aim is the establishment of a therapeutic relationship that regulates emotional states._

 _The patient achieves some ability to self-regulate moods, and to seek out adequate and sustaining available supportive relationships both in and out of treatment. The patient is then free to put sexuality in its proper place and free up energies to gain satisfaction from real relationships, pursue creative or intellectual goals, obtain pleasure from hobbies and activities, and have a heightened sense of self-esteem, thus ending isolation. And is then free to love, to have deeply satisfying self-affirming sex, and experience being a valued member of the human community._

 _Treatment focus on two main issues; the first is the logistical concerns of separating the addict from people that trigger compulsive sexual behavior in the same way drug addicts need to be separated from drugs._

 _Accomplishing this might require inpatient or residential treatment for several weeks. It's simply harder to relapse in a structured and tightly controlled setting._

 _The second and most difficult issue involves facing the guilt, shame and depression associated with this illness. It takes trust and time with a competent therapist to work through these emotions._

 _If you are very depressed, the best treatment might be an inpatient residential setting where professionals can monitor and properly manage your symptoms._ **(Summary of findings.) _  
_**

* * *

The doctor left the room with Olivia still in Fitz's arms. She relaxed and took in his scent. She got turned on, but felt something totally different, something she has never felt before. For once she wasn't just thinking about the act of just sex with Fitz. She felt safe, she felt protected, and could she dare to say loved. She didn't know what love felt like. She wondered what it'd be like if they made love. She had never made love before, and she was very aware of that. She knew her sexing around didn't equate love. _Wouldn't it be amazing if he really loves me?_ Olivia thought. _Who am I kidding, no one loves me_. Despite having had many sexual partners, Olivia knew none of those guys cared about her, and she was utterly and completely alone. She knew this affection from Fitz boil down to pity. Even though she felt love in Fitz's arms, she knew Fitz could never love her. She was certain how unlovable she was.

Fitz pulled back and looked at her. Olivia saw him staring at her lips. He was going to kiss her. She hated being kissed. Kissing was just too intimate for her, but she desperately wanted him to do it. She wanted to feel something, anything instead of the numb feeling she had. But they both pulled away quickly from each other, due to Abby walking in.

Abby rushed to Olivia and hugged her. "Oh my God, I had a dream you were up. And you are. Are you OK?"

Olivia was in Abby's embrace, but she and Fitz were staring at each other. Fitz smiled at her and decided to leave the room to give them some space.

Fitz called Cyrus' husband, knowing he was the best therapist out there. And Olivia deserved nothing but the best in his book. He licked his lips and smiled again after he thought of almost tasting Olivia's lips.

* * *

"Abby, the best solution for her right now would be an inpatient residential treatment, where she can be supervised properly. The Beene center where I work has the best professional residential setting. This will take care of her self-harming and her addiction."

"The Beene center? I went through your inpatient residential site before I came to see you about her, you guys are ridiculously expensive." Abby said to Fitz.

"I can take care of that. The problem here is for her to accept it. I can't relay this to her. You are the best person to do this."

"What if she just wants to die?" Abby sadly asked Fitz.

"Most people who commit suicide don't really want to die. They just want to stop hurting." Fitz replied.

"Why don't you tell her yourself? I am done trying to impose things on her. If I can't love her the way she is, then I'm not a true friend."

"She needs help immediately, Abby. You probably know her better than anyone. I've called Cyrus' husband already, he's on his way here. He's one of the best psychiatrists we have at the center and in the country. Just talk to her to accept his help."

Abby and Fitz were outside Olivia's hospital room talking about her. They had no clue Olivia was listening to their conversation. She walked out of her room so they could see her.

"I promise I'll go to rehab or the residential treatment facility you mentioned Fitz, but I'd take care of that myself. Please you guys should stop worrying about me. Thanks for helping me Abby. I didn't mean to hurt myself."

"You said that the last time." Abby said before she could take it back. "Sorry." She added.

Olivia bowed down her head, ashamed. "I know." With her head still bowed, she continued. "Abby, I've put you through a lot. I really don't want to keep doing this. Can we just put some distance between us? Please, I don't desire to hurt you anymore."

"Olivia…" Fitz tried to tell her it was a bad idea, but Abby interrupted him.

With tears filled eyes, Abby asked for her pardon. "I'm sorry for what I articulated at the session the other day. I don't care if you're addicted to sex anymore. I promise I'm never going to judge you or force you to change again."

"Abby, please don't make this any harder than it already is. When I get better we would be friends again. I can't keep telling you I didn't mean what I did, then I have you spend God knows how many hours with me in the hospital."

Fitz felt like hugging Olivia just to take away her pain, but he had to restrain himself. "Olivia, isolating people out of your life is not good at this time."

"I'm not isolating her. I've put her through a lot."

They were still talking when Cyrus' husband arrived. "Olivia?" Cyrus' husband called in shock.

"Do you know her?" Fitz asked, surprised because he didn't mention Olivia's name to him.

Olivia tried to figure Cyrus' husband out, but he embraced her and said who he was. "Chao, can't you remember me?" Chao asked.

"Chao?" Olivia shifted away from him.

"Yes, I'm so excited to see you. I sought for you some years back, but couldn't get any trace of you." He paused and looked at Fitz. "Wait, is she the sex addict/self-harming lady I'm coming to see?"

Olivia looked at Fitz, a little hurt and ashamed he described her to Chao as self-harming. "Thanks for the help Fitz, but I don't need his service. You guys can all go. I can take care of myself now." She turned from them and gave her undivided attention to Abby. "Abby, I promise I'm going to get help. And I'm not doing it for you; this is going to be for me."

Fitz was a little confused why Olivia didn't want Chao's help. "Olivia, Chao is the best out there."

"Oh, I'm sure. I have no doubt about that." Olivia replied, walking to her room.

"Olivia." Chao called. "I'm sorry how our friendship ended. I've never stopped blaming myself for your lifestyle after we stopped being friends." Chao said.

Olivia chuckled angrily. "Chao, don't flatter yourself, my self-destruction didn't start because of you." Olivia spat out and exited for the washroom.

Fitz immediately wanted to go after her, but Abby stopped him, certain what Olivia was going there for. "Leave her alone, she needs some time on her own. I just hope there's nothing there she can use to hurt herself again." Abby said.

After Olivia left, Fitz and Abby were more interested to know where Chao and Olivia knew each other.

"We were good friends growing up until I got my first real crush obsession." Chao explained, disappointed in himself.

"Wait, you had a crush on her?" Fitz asked then paused before adding. "You're gay."

"I held a crush on one football player who liked her instead, but she spurned him." Chao explained.

"So? How did that affect her?" Abby asked confused.

"It's a long story. I was still in the closet back then. Olivia had no idea I was gay. I was mad Sam…"

"Sam is the football player?" Fitz interrupted.

"Yes, I was mad he asked her out when all I ever wanted was for him to know I existed. Long story short, since as Sam's pride was hurt from Olivia's rejection, I made him acknowledged me by making Olivia's life Hell. I told Sam Olivia's mom was cheating on her dad with numerous guys. We then spread the gossips to everyone at school. Sam and I became friends. Some weeks later Olivia's lifestyle changed completely."

"She never told me this." Abby said. "Let me go check on her." She added and left.

 **XXX**

Abby went to the washroom and saw Olivia sitting in the corner on the floor. She could tell she has cried her eyes out.

"Hey you, Chao told us what he did to you. I'm sorry about that" Abby said to Olivia as she joined her on the floor.

Olivia sighed heavily. "He didn't do anything to me." She looked at Abby and the tears started pouring. "That would've been me, a successful psychiatrist or something you know. I was made a valedictorian over him, and now he has to examine my state of mind? How is that fair after he made my life a living Hell in high school?"

There was nothing Abby could say to her other than held her and let her cry.

"I don't want to see him. I'm a complete mess! I don't want to give him the gratification of my state of mind. Please tell him and Fitz to leave."

"Okay, I would do that. Get up from the floor OK?"

Olivia wiped her eyes and stood up. Abby left, told Fitz and Chao Olivia wanted them gone.

"But what did I do? I don't want to leave her alone." It came out of Fitz's mouth before he reasoned the seriousness of his statement.

Chao sighed, feeling frustrated Olivia didn't want him to amend what he did. "I really want to make things right with her. She was a really nice person. I don't know what she's going through, but I think she needs help now. Abby, right? Please try and convince her to see Cyrus since she doesn't want me."

After they left, Olivia asked the hospital if they could recommend any good inpatient residential facility. They told her the best inpatient residential facility out there was The Beene center. She told them anyone but that.

"If you really want to see some changes in you, I advise you to go to The Beene center. But the Overcomers facility is not bad too." The doctor taking care of Olivia said.

* * *

Fitz and Mellie were summoned in Jerry's school. They all got there with no clue why.

"Hello Mellie."

"Hi Fitz, how are you doing?" Mellie asked Fitz.

Fitz thought whether he should tell her he relapsed not long ago, but knew how disappointed Mellie was going to be. He decided to let it be. "I'm good." Fitz answered.

"I know today is not your visiting day, but I'm inviting you for dinner this evening with the Kids and Andrew." Mellie rushed through her words.

"Hope there's no problem?"

"I don't know if you'd consider it a problem. Just stop by this evening, please."

"Okay, do you have any idea why we're here? What has Jerry done this time?" Fitz asked.

"I have no idea. But he's getting out of hands." Mellie answered.

Fitz and Mellie walked into Jerry's principal office. Mellie went straight to the point. "How many times are you going to summon us? Why are we paying you guys if you people can't handle a 16 year old?"

"We called you here because we're expelling Jerry from this school." The principal welcomed them with that.

"What did he do?" Mellie and Fitz asked together.

"He was caught having sex with two girls in the locker room. We can't tolerate this behavior. This calls for immediate dismissal."

Fitz covered his face from embarrassment.

"What?" Mellie asked.

"Yes, and we found out this has been going on for a while with many other girls. We can't have him in this school any longer." The principal said.

Mellie wasn't having it. She shouted at the principal. "How could you allow a 16 year old to have sex under your watch? This is on you not us."

"Mellie!" Fitz called out.

"Don't you dare Mellie me. This is your entire fault." Mellie said to Fitz then turned to the principal. "Are you expelling the other girls too?"

"No." The principal replied.

"Let me get this straight. Did he force them to have sex with him? Did he rape them?"

The principal started stuttering.

"Oh, now you can't talk? After all the donations we've made to this school this is how you want to repay us. I'm going to sue your asses." Mellie said and stormed out.

Fitz was more than depressed his little boy was going through his path. And Mellie couldn't stress the point any more than she already has. "I guess like father, like son is perfect here." Mellie said after Fitz joined her outside.

"Mellie, I've made mistakes, I'm working on it. I'm going to give Jerry the help he needs."

"Like what you've committed yourself to?"

"Mellie."

"Sorry." Mellie added. "You have to take him. He should live with you. I have no knowledge how to deal with him. We can share them. You take Jerry and I have Karen."

"I'd be felicitous to have Jerry, but do you believe this is the best approach?"

"I have no idea Fitz."

* * *

Two days later, Olivia sent in her resignation letter through Abby, to Jake. She was determined to work on herself. She booked into the Overcomers center. She signed in as someone who was suicidal.

She was in class with many others waiting for their first session when a hot looking psychiatrist by the name of Shaw walked in to give a lecture for the first-timers. Olivia had to tell herself to concentrate on getting better and not to be distracted by a sexy psychiatrist. Needless to say she got distracted nevertheless. _I think to be hot and sexy is one of the requirements to be in this business. Look at Fitz and this one_. _But_ _Shaw is lacking something. What could it be?_ Olivia's brain was having a session of its own. _He's not Fitz_. Her brain answered the question. _Olivia, please try and concentrate. Stick with his every sentence. Focus._

Shaw began his speech. "A suicidal person may not ask for help, but that doesn't mean that help isn't wanted. Suicide prevention starts with recognizing the warning signs and taking them seriously."

 _What else is new?_ Olivia's brain.

"Self-harm can be a way of coping with problems. It may help you express feelings you can't put into words, distract you from your life, or release emotional pain."

 _The only thing is the release doesn't last very long. In fact, it's over after the act._ Olivia's brain continued.

"You are not alone in this. You should know this. You may not believe it now, but the way you're feeling will change."

 _I don't think he believes that himself. I do hope a day would come when I don't feel like this though. But I know that's never going to happen_.

"You being here means you've identify there's a problem. We'll begin by telling everyone how many times you've physically tried to hurt yourself?"

 _Okay, now I don't like this._ _I don't feel comfortable about this at all._

Olivia thought she was damaged good until she learned the tales of many others who had all passed through something more devastating than she had. Many didn't have a specify number of times they've tried to physically hurt themselves, due to the fact that it was like a normal practice for them.

It was Olivia's turn to speak, but she was still. Shaw walked up to her and smiled at her. "You're safe here. You can tell us. How many times have you physically tried to hurt yourself?"

"Not much." Olivia bowed down her head.

"This means you can give us a number." He paused. "Hello" Shaw tried to call her back to the present.

Olivia was still quiet. Portion of her hair was covering one side of her face. Shaw bent down to her level, and smoothed her hair to the back of her ear, then carried Olivia's chin up for her to look at him. "How many times have you tried to commit suicide?" Shaw asked, with concern written all over his face.

Olivia looked away from him and whispered. "Three days ago made it five."

"Let me see your hands." Shaw gentle requested.

Olivia hesitated at first, then she extended her hands forward for his checkup. Dr. Shaw looked through it and paused at her most recent fresh cut. He touched it softly and brushed over it with his thumb. "I see just this old scar and this fresh cut. What other method did you use?" He asked Olivia.

Olivia was quiet once again. She has never talked about her past suicide attempts before. Everyone was waiting for an answer from her. She bowed down her head and a tear dropped from her eye. Dr. Shaw gently wiped it away with his thumb. "Voicing out your struggle is part of the healing process." He smiled softly again. "But if you need more time….."

Olivia rushed through her words. "I tried to drown myself at 16. My first cut, this scar…." Olivia pointed at an old scar. "…. at 18. I deliberately took an overdose of cocaine in my last year in college. An overdose of some pills two years ago, then this cut, three days ago." Olivia waited for him to say something, but he stood up and ended the class.

"That would be all for today. The center is going to assign a psychiatrist to each patient. They're going to visit you in your homes and those of you in the inpatient residential setting you'd be visited in your rooms."

 **XXX**

And just like faith would have it, Doctor Shaw was assigned to evaluate Olivia. He went to her room to start with his therapy session.

"Hello, Olivia"

"Hello." Olivia answered nervously.

"How are you doing?"

"Good I guess."

Shaw waited for Olivia to offer him a seat, but she just stood there, staring at him. "Won't you offer me a seat?" He asked.

Olivia noticed Shaw could tell how nervous she seemed. "Sorry, you can have a seat."

Shaw sat down and relaxed. He smiled at her to ease her nervousness. "I have a feeling being suicidal is not your only problem."

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked still standing.

"My profession is all about studying people. I saw the way you were looking at me during our morning session. Are you a sex addict?"

Olivia bowed down her head, ashamed. Shaw got up and walked to her. "There's nothing to be ashamed of." He lifted Olivia's chin up. "Sex addiction is an illness. No one should be ashamed of an illness."

"I am." Olivia whispered.

He studied Olivia for some time, then asked. "Do you actually desire to become better?"

Olivia's reaction was like _duh, why am I here?_ "Yes. That's why I'm here." She answered instead.

Shaw smiled faintly at her. "I may get fired for this, but this is not the right place for you. I have a friend I'd like you to go to his setting instead. His name is Cyrus Beene. Believe me when I say you're going to come out with a better version of yourself and over a short period of time. "Shaw handed Olivia Cyrus' card.

"I know the place. I don't want to go there. There are some people there that I don't want them to see me like this."

"Olivia, if you truly desire to overcome your struggle, you'd have to put on your big boy pant and admit the shame or whatever feelings you don't require to feel proudly and honestly. That's the only way out."

"It's tough. I just want to die so everything could stop." Olivia sat down and covered her face.

Shaw kneeled down to her height. "Trust me, there's a beautiful light at the end of all this." He forced Olivia to look at him. He smiled to assure her everything would be fine.

"Please don't do that." Olivia voiced out.

"Do what?" He asked confused.

"You being nice like this and that smile is making me horny, and compelling me to bone you." It came out of nowhere.

Shaw smiled and took some steps away from her. "If after you're a better version of yourself and you still want to bone me, I'd be the happiest human being on earth." He gazed at her in amusement.

Olivia chuckled lightly, then looked at Cyrus' card. "I really don't want to go there."

"You have to get pass your fear and look at the bigger picture. I'll come and visit when I have time. I promise I won't act nice or smiles like this. How is that?" Shaw tried to conceal a grin.

Olivia couldn't help but smiled with him as well. "Thank you. I wouldn't have said no, had it been you wanted to…. you know."

"I know. Don't worry with time you'd be able to say no to anyone."

 **XXX**

Fitz went for the dinner Mellie invited him to. Andrew and Fitz's kids were there too.

"Is this not a little weird for anyone?" Jerry asked.

"Jerry." Karen called out.

"What? I mean, we are having dinner like one big happy family when mom is screwing this one." Jerry pointed at Andrew. "We don't know who dad is screwing these days. Yet mom and dad are still married."

"Boy, you better shut up." Andrew shouted at Jerry.

"Don't you dare tell my son to shut up." Fitz to Andrew

"Oh, there's no doubt he is your son alright. He has been expelled from school because he wants to live up to his daddy's reputation."

Fitz stood up and told Mellie. "I can't do this."

"Yes, we all can't do this any longer. Tell him Mell." Andrew looked at Mellie.

"Fitz, I invited you here to sign the divorce papers." Mellie said.

"What?" Karen and Jerry asked together.

Mellie looked over at Jerry. "Yes, Jerry you'd go and live with your dad while Karen with me." She gave her attention to Fitz. "You wanted joint custody in case of a divorce, you have it. We all know you don't want to be with me anyway. And I don't want to be with you either."

Fitz knew Mellie has something up her sleeves. "Mellie, why now? Why are you necessitating for a divorce now? We blabbed about this some times back, but you said you'd get full custody of the kids in case of a divorce. Why are you giving up on that?"

"Because I'm tired of everything." Mellie answered

"Don't give me that crap." Fitz shouted at her.

"Grandpa gave her control of the company." Karen told her dad.

Mellie got up from the chair and started pacing. "I worked my ass off for that. Your father said if after two years you're not over this your sex counselor bullshit I would take over as long as we're married. He didn't say anything about not divorcing you after I have control."

Fitz laughed and thanked his lucky star. "Where are the divorce papers?"

Mellie gave it to him.

Fitz went through it and signed it. "Thank you Mellie. You shouldn't have waited two years to have control of the company. You should've told me you wanted the goddamn company. All I ever wanted was to have full access to my kids. I think the kids should be together. Karen should live with me too."

"No, I want to stay with mom." Karen told her dad.

"Good luck with that." Jerry teased.

* * *

"We are celebrating. He is a free man now. He's divorced." Cyrus said to Chao and handed him a drink as he joined him and Fitz in a bar.

"Wow, what about custody of your kids?" Chao asked.

"That was never her problem. We have joint custody now. But Jerry is with me. He's somehow happy about it."

"What about Karen?"

"Girls love to stick together." Fitz paused and sighed deeply. "In other news, Jerry has been expelled from school. He was caught in a threesome."

"What?" Cyrus and Chao shouted.

"Yeah, living up to his daddy's reputation I guess. Do you know what he told me?" Fitz shook his head before adding. "It wasn't his fault the girls wanted a taste of him." He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "He needs help immediately. I've signed us both for a startup program at the center."

"You don't have to sign in. You're not an addict. The fact that you slept with those women doesn't make you one. That was just guilt for being turned on by Olivia." Cyrus said to Fitz

"Hello, I intentionally slept with those women?"

"You used the right word, 'intentionally.' That doesn't signify you're still an addict." Cyrus added.

Chao pointed at one bartender to Fitz. "Look at the hot bartender. She has been trying so hard for you to notice her since I stepped in here. Cyrus is gay, and he has checked her out twice, but she is invisible to you."

Cyrus poked his husband. "Hey, the fact that I'm gay doesn't mean I can't appreciate beautiful creatures."

Fitz looked at the bartender and she smiled sweetly at him. "She's okay." He took a sip of his drink.

"You see what we're saying. The addicted Fitz wouldn't have said she's just okay." Cyrus pointed out. "You are not an addict anymore."

Fitz wasn't moved. "I am. Olivia is still in my mind. You don't know how sick I am. I had a boner comforting her the other day in the hospital. I mean the girl was in deep shit, but I wanted to have her right there."

 **I know the chapter is a little dry. But we saw some progress or maybe not.**

 **I always appreciate your thoughts and comments. Tell me something, anything.**


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia swallowed her fear and booked into the Beene center. She dredged any interaction with Fitz and Chao. Fitz, because she could tell they both wanted each other badly, which would mess up her recovery process, and Chao, just due to the fact that he brought back bad memories from the past.

Cyrus personally emphasized that Fitz and Chao stay away from Olivia while she was there. "I want you two to stay away from her. She's not going to forgive you easily." Cyrus said to Chao. Then turned to Fitz. "And she shouldn't be around someone who she damn well knows is dying to have sex with her. I don't want that around her here."

Fitz thought Cyrus was little insane for suggesting that. "I can't do that. That's not adequate grounds for me to stay away from her. Why should I do that?" He asked, a little perplexed.

"Yes, you can, and you're going to stay away from her." Cyrus insisted.

"No, I won't." Fitz firmly refused.

"Do you want her to get better?"

"Yes." Fitz answered.

"Then you'll stay away from her. That's an order." Cyrus warned Fitz.

But Fitz wouldn't go down without a fight. "Since I'm not going to start my recovery process all over, thanks to your test that I passed with flying colors, which means I have to continue with my classes and she needs to pass through my class. How is that going to work out?" He challenged.

"She's going to attend your classes, but no one on one lesson with either of you. I'd be her personal therapist because she means too much to you two, I'd be the one to guide and monitor her not you two."

Chao decided to change the topic. "I can't believe her life turned out like that. She was brilliant and focused. We were best friends, and at some point big competitors. The number of guys who wanted her was outrageous to tell you the truth. The fact that she didn't care or used that to her advantage was something I liked and hated about her. "

"I know you guys were teenagers, but what you did to her was very mean." Cyrus said to the husband.

"I know. I looked for her some years back, but couldn't find her. I saw her mom in jail when I went to counsel some prisoners two years ago. Her mom was actually hiding from me."

"What crime did her mom commit?" Fitz asked.

"I have no idea." Chao replied.

"Abby told me she doesn't like to talk about her family. That there's nothing to talk about."

"Her father had a stable family elsewhere and they were the other family. Her mom was the worst. I think she got this her addictive attribute from her mother. Her mother could change guys like boxers. I wonder if she's out of jail yet. Hmm, I'm going to find out." Chao said.

Fitz recalled what Olivia said before she regained consciousness at the hospital. "I can remember precisely what she said before she got up from coma. She started with 'Why did she hit me' Then she continued with, 'it wasn't my fault. I told her what he did to me, but she blamed me and hit me. It wasn't my intention to have sex with him. I told her I was sorry, but she said I was the reason for her distress. She said I ruined her life. That my dad hates her because of me.' That's exactly what Olivia said before she got up. Perhaps she was talking about her mom. I wonder what went amiss in her life." Fitz wondered.

"Wow, if she really said that, then I think it was about her mom. Maybe she had sex with one of her mom's boyfriends. But Olivia wasn't the type to do something like that." Chao paused before adding. "Well, we don't know when that happened."

Cyrus rolled his eyes at their analysis. "Maybe what she said didn't mean anything."

Chao shrugged. "I hope she forgives me soon. We have a lot to catch up to."

* * *

To say Olivia was going through sex withdrawal was an understatement. Her physical, emotional, and mental discomfort was on high alert. She was agitated, and beginning to lose interest in life. The numb feeling was crawling back into her with intensity. She thought of calling Jake or anyone who could bring her out of her misery but resisted the urge.

The center normally held join meeting with patients and counselors. Where all the counselors were to interact with the addicts for them to speak about their battles so that the center would know the right counselor or therapist to assign to the addict. Fitz and Chao were among the counselors. Cyrus went early to introduce himself to Olivia before the session started.

"Hello, I'm Cyrus."

"Hello, I've heard about you. I'm Olivia."

Cyrus wanted to make some points clear. "My husband is Chao."

"So?" Olivia asked, confused and annoyed.

"He's sorry for what he did to you."

"I'm not here for that. I'm here to get the help I require. I have no problem with you being married to a douch…. Sorry." Olivia apologized.

"It's okay, he was a douchbag. Nice meeting you Olivia. I promise you're coming out of this place victorious." Cyrus smiled sweetly at her.

Olivia smiled dryly back and looked for where to sit. One little cute boy of about 16 years of age came and sat next to her. The young boy looked at her and smiled. "Wassup, you are very beautiful." He said to Olivia.

Olivia stared at the kid for a while before whispering. "What are you doing here? Aren't you too young to be going through something like this?"

The little boy shrugged his shoulders. "I guess I inherited it from my dad or something. He was a professional in this. I can teach you a thing or two if you let me." He placed his hand on Olivia's thigh.

Olivia thanked her God she has never been into little kids because the little boy seemed like he could back up his statement with experimental validation. And the fact that she has been horny all day would've made it easy for that to happen. She pushed his hand away from her thigh and changed her seat.

Cyrus started by introducing all the counselors and therapist to the patients. Olivia did her best not to make eye contact with Fitz and Chao. She was wondering why Fitz was part of the counselor, since as he made mention of starting his recovery process all over again due to the fact that he relapsed not long ago because of her.

The session was in a way that each counselor and therapist had to alternate their talking points in order for patients not to be bored by just one person talking for a longer period of time.

Cyrus set out by defining addiction and the goal they wanted to achieve. "Addiction is the use of something or someone to handle, manage or escape pain. Most sex addicts are forced to suffer in silence, which makes this addiction one of the worst. The goal of sexual addiction treatment is not lifelong abstinence, but rather a termination of compulsive, unhealthy sexual behavior."

Fitz picked up from Cyrus. "Since it is very difficult for a sex addict to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy sex, this program encourages abstinence from any sexual behavior during the first phase of treatment. We suggest a 60 to 90 days period of abstinence….."

 _I'd like to see that happen. 60 to 90 days abstinence? That'd be a miracle._ Olivia thought, she saw Fitz gazing at her. She rolled her eyes lightly and looked away from him.

"…. During the abstinence period, a complete readjustment is taking place. Your body, mind, emotions and spirit are being rebalanced while healthy coping skills are learned." Fitz ended his point.

Chao took it up from Fitz. "Like what my colleague just said, the treatment here enables you, along with our treatment team, to understand the emotional cues and circumstances that triggers your sexual thought and compulsive sexual behavior. This treatment includes teaching you to stop sexual thoughts by thinking about something else. Substituting sexual thought with some other thought or activities, such as exercising or working out, thereby preventing the relapse of addictive behavior."

 _This sounds very promising._ Olivia thought again, but without a glanced at Chao.

A different therapist chipped in. "One of the most difficult part of this treatment is going through the withdrawal phase. Letting go of a sexual addiction may be even more painful than withdrawing from heroin or going without food when hungry."

 _You can say that again. I am dying over here._ Olivia didn't voice that out loud.

"It's important that you hang on and get through this period without giving in to the addiction. The abstinence violation effect occurs if an addict abstains for a while and indulges again. The addiction, then only intensifies, and you ended up feeling worse than before." Cyrus added.

 _Somebody please just kill me now._

The only lady counselor among the men made a point too. "Many of you have significant emotional baggage from your early lives. Talk therapy is helpful in increasing self-control and in treating related mood disorders and effects of past trauma."

"Now, we would like to know from each and every one of you what is going through your head while sexually preoccupy. What is sex to you?" Cyrus asked.

 _Here we go again folks. I'm not going to answer this question in front Fitz and Chao. Nah, that's never going to happen. I pray I don't get put in the spotlight like in Shaw's class._

The little boy who flirted with Olivia earlier raised his hand up.

"Yes, Jerry." Cyrus called.

"Sex to me is confident booster." Jerry said.

Fitz looked at him and swayed his head. He then saw Jerry winked at Olivia. Olivia chuckled and looked away from Jerry.

Another addict raised the hand up too. "Sex to me is love."

"Sex to me is intimacy."

"Sex to me is attention and affection."

"Sex to me is excitement."

"Sex to me is euphoric."

"Sex to me is power."

 _Sex to me has been all of the above at different stages in my life. But now, sex to me is coping at a given moment._

Olivia didn't voice that out loud. She sat quietly and didn't offer a word. She has made eye contact with Fitz one too many times during all this discussion. And the fact that Fitz looked too yummy wasn't helping her case.

Fitz, Cyrus and Chao all wanted her to say something, but she stood her grounds. Cyrus decided not to push her. After the class ended Fitz went directly to her.

"Hi."

"Hi" Olivia answered, trying her best not to look at him.

"I'm glad you changed your mind and came here." Fitz, trying to make small talk.

"Well, I heard you guys are the best. I saw you among the counselors. I remembered you said you were to begin your recovery process all over again?" Olivia asked, doing her best not to take in his presence.

"It turns out I was just acting out. Cyrus put me to a test some days ago and I passed with flying colors. I slept with those women because I've never been turned on by anyone since I embarked on my recovery process. The fact that I got turn on by you, and because I want you…." _Wrong choice of words Fitz._

 _"_ I'm truly sorry about what I did." Olivia said and looked Fitz in the eyes, which only intensified her need for sex.

Fitz could tell Olivia was going through sex withdrawal. And he got turned on instantly with that knowledge. He wished he could help her out with that if only it wouldn't jeopardize her treatment and his position as a counselor. Fitz decided to trade on lighter grounds, he brought up a different topic. "While here, you have to grow your talent or concentrate on a hobby, what are your hobbies?"

Chao interrupted. "She loves drawing and painting. She's really gifted. I was certain you'd own an art gallery by…."

"I don't have a hobby." Olivia said to Fitz before leaving, ignoring Chao.

Fitz was very irritated by Chao interruption. "Did you have to come in? We were having a perfectly nice conversation. Why did you have to get in and mess things up?"

"She was my best friend. I would like her to forgive me. I want us to get along too" Chao replied.

Cyrus came out of nowhere and placed his arms round their shoulders."You two should stay away from her. I shouldn't repeat myself on this."

 **XXX**

Olivia was on her way to her room. She has to do something about being horny or she was going to go crazy. There were some books in her room that she was supposed to read as part of her recovery process. She told herself she'd go for a jog if that didn't work out. The center has an amazingly peaceful, quiet forest landscape for jogging, far away from people. She'd like to try that out.

Someone called from behind her. "Hey beautiful"

Olivia turned around and saw the little boy who flirted with her earlier. "Don't call me that." She said, walking away.

"But you are beautiful." Jerry insisted, and followed behind her.

"What do you want kiddo?"

"Way to spoil the fun by calling me kiddo."

"You're a kid, you know that right?" Olivia looked behind her shoulder.

"I can do things to you a grown up can't do. You wanna try me?" He asked with a charming smile.

 _He looks like somebody I know._ Olivia thought, but brushed it off. "No, I don't want to." Olivia answered, still walking away.

Jerry called after her. "Please wait, this place is very lonely and I don't have any friends here. All the other addicts around looks creepy and weird apart from you. Can we just be friends? Please!"

"I don't make friends with kids, kiddo. Sorry."

"I think you're scared because you know you want me." Jerry challenged.

Olivia laughed and looked at the kid. "I am very horny at this moment, but it's never going to happen with you. But you're cute though."

"I'm not cute, young lady. I'm hot and manly."

"Bye Jerry, that's your name right? Cyrus called you that."

"Can I take you out for ice cream at least? This place is having an amazing ice cream bar just down there." Jerry pleaded.

"No kiddo, bye."

Jerry watched Olivia walking away. He whispered to himself. "I detest being called kiddo." He said, trudging away.

Olivia turned around and saw Jerry with head down and hands in his pockets, walking away like a rejected soul whom no one wanted. She understood how lonely Jerry was. She felt bad for him. _The ice cream might cool me off and get my mind out of my present state._

"Hey kiddo, let go for the ice cream." Olivia called him back.

Jerry's face lit up. "Thank you."

They sat down with their ice cream. "How did you get into this life?" Olivia asked Jerry.

"Do you really wanna hear the story?"

"Sure. I don't think we have any other thing in common. We might as well talk about the only thing we do have in common. How old are you and when did you get addicted to this lifestyle?"

"Okay, I'm sixteen. I've never told anyone about my story. It was my 7th grade teacher. Miss Harley she's my mom's friend. She is hot."

Olivia looked at the little boy in disbelief. "You had sex with your teacher? And she's actually your mom's friend?"

"Yes, I was 13. She always tells me I look like my dad. She asked me to stay after class one day and I did. She started touching me. I was very scared at first. I asked her to stop, but she said she'll tell my principal about the paint artwork I did on his car."

"You did a graffiti on your principal's car?" Olivia asked still in disbelief.

"Yes, I did. He's a pain in the ass."

"Language kiddo."

"Hello, look where we are. Do you really think the word ass is that bad to worry about?"

"Good point, carry on. How did teacher, Miss Harley finds out about your work of art on your principal's car?"

"The bitch was passing around the area where I did it."

"I'd pretend the word bitch coming out from your mouth didn't make me cringed inside."

"Sorry, a gentleman like myself shouldn't use such word around a beautiful lady like you." Jerry said and tried to touch Olivia.

Olivia shifted away from his touch. "Call me beautiful one more time and this little ice cream party is over."

"Sorry, don't call me kiddo too. Deal?" He extended his hand to Olivia.

Olivia smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Deal."

"Back to my story. Miss Harley took my pant off and…."

"I don't think I want to hear the details."

"But you asked."

"Did you shout out for help?"

"I tried, but she placed her mouth somewhere down there." Jerry pointed in between his legs, smiling at Olivia. "It felt too good I didn't want her to stop. She later on asked me to do things to her, which I did."

"That was rape you know that right?" Olivia said to him.

Jerry defended what happened. "Guys don't get raped. It's hard to tell whether I wanted it to happen, but it was very enjoyable at the end. And ever since I can't stop myself."

"Me too. My story is very similar to yours." Olivia said while deep in thought about her first sexual experience.

"Wait, with your teacher too?" Jerry asked.

"What?" She came back to her senses

"You just said our stories are similar."

"Never mind what I said. So, are you still sleeping with her?"

"Nah, after that she would call me over to her house when her husband was out of town, but she came home one day and find me on her bed with her eldest daughter. She called it quit and move to another State. Her daughter told me her parent are now divorced, we follow each other on twitter. I still miss her mom though."

"Does your parent have any knowledge of this?"

"Nope, I'm not stupid enough to tell them that." He gave Olivia one of his charming grin. "Now, your turn. Tell me about your story."

"My ice cream has melted. I have to go. Sorry"

"Not fair."

Olivia got up to pay for the ice cream, but Jerry insisted to pay.

"Alright mister charming." Olivia said to him.

"Now, that's a nickname I can stick with." Jerry flirted.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Bye kiddo."

"Bye beautiful."

She shook her head while walking away.

 **XXX**

"I think Olivia is going through sex withdrawal. I saw it in her eyes" Fitz informed Cyrus and Chao.

"This period is the worst for any kind of addiction. I hope her withdrawal is not too bad that'd required us to put her on some medication. Antidepressants may be useful in treating sex addiction, but patients sometimes end up depending on it." Cyrus said.

"But there are some benefit in reducing sexual obsessions by taking it." Chao argued.

"I don't want her on that medication too. Can't we let her have Moderate lovemaking regularly scheduled? Just like what was recommended to me during my withdrawal phase. " Fitz suggested.

"That was because you were at the verge of going insane. I don't think Olivia would ever get to that stage. The best for her is complete abstinence, she has tried to commit suicide before, this means if she relapses she'll want to go that road again. This withdrawal is a good thing because she's closer to recovery, you know this." Cyrus said to Fitz, then added. "But If it gets very bad we would let her have sex and it'll be preceded by a period of abstinence lasting from two weeks to several months, just like your situation. We have enough sex workers to take care of that."

"No, I don't want any sex worker near her." Fitz quickly rejected Cyrus' suggestion.

Cyrus and Chao gave him a strength look. "If you don't want a sex worker, are you suggesting yourself?" Cyrus asked in shocked.

"I...I...mean, if…." Fitz stuttered.

"You don't mean anything. I said stay away from her. I may have forgiven you relapsing, but you'd never get your counselor's license if you sleep with a patient. That's ethically wrong on all levels. Why should you even consider that when you damn well know how damaging that could be for her? Do you know the damage that could cost her and this center?" Cyrus shouted at Fitz.

"He really didn't mean that." Chao said to Cyrus, before asking Fitz. "Did you?"

"No, I didn't. I'm going for a jog." Fitz replied angrily, walking away from them.

"Yes, you do that and clear that head of yours." Cyrus shouted behind Fitz.

Fitz was going for a jog when he got a call from Abby telling him to check on Olivia because her enabler was on his way to see her.

 **XXX**

Olivia walked into her room and found Jake there. "Jake what are you doing here? How do you get…"

"I should be the one asking you this. What are you doing here Olivia? Do really believe in this bulllshit? Nothing is wrong with you. Don't let these people give you reason to think you're crazy or something."

"Jake you shouldn't be here. How did you get into my room in the first place?"

"Well, I know a guy who knows a guy." Jake smiled at her.

"You have to go now."

"I miss you Olivia. Why should you resign like that in that first place? I don't accept your resignation."

"I have to take care of myself. I need help Jake"

"You need to stop saying that. Nothing is wrong with you."

"I am not arguing this with you. You have to go."

Jake approached Olivia. "Don't you miss me Olivia? Don't you miss the way I feel inside you?"

Olivia went to her door fighting the urge not to ease the ache between her legs. "Jake please leave now."

Jake smiled and walked closer to her. "I know you like this game. When you say you don't want me just for me to force you."

"Jake I'm serious."

"Let's see how serious you are." He flipped Olivia around so her front was pressing against the door. Olivia tried to push him away, but Jake hardened his hold on her. "I know you like it rough." Jake said. He was struggling with his belt when Fitz knocked on Olivia's door. Olivia and Jake were both quiet. Fitz decided to open the door. He then saw Jake in Olivia's room.

"What are you doing here." Fitz barked at Jake

"I came to visit a friend." Jake answered, adjusting his belt.

"Visitors are not allowed in the rooms." Fitz said, then looked at Olivia. He saw tears running down her cheeks. "Did he do something to you." Fitz asked Olivia, charging towards Jake. "Did you touched her?"

Olivia rushed in front of Fitz and begged him not to do anything crazy. "No, please stop. He didn't do anything. He was about to leave."

Jake then rushed out of the room. Olivia immediately hugged Fitz. "I can't do this. I'm never going to get cured." Olivia said in Fitz's embrace.

Fitz welcomed her embrace, not wanting to let go of her. "Yes, you can. Trust me what you're going through won't last for long. I promise."

"I didn't want him, but wanted him at the same time." Olivia cried in Fitz embrace.

"I know the feeling."

She released herself from Fitz's arms, with tears still running down her face. "I want to have sex now. I am dying here."

"Olivia, just hang in there. This withdrawal is actually a very positive thing. Each day that you refuse to indulge in sex, you are one step closer to your recovery. It may not feel like it, but what you're going through do lessen and disappear over time. You can do this."

"No, I can't. I want you now."

"Olivia I want you too, but not like this. We can't do this. It's going to jeopardize your treatment. And it could cost me my job."

"Fine, if you don't want to I'd just call Jake back."

"Olivia, that's not fair."

"What's not fair is what I'm going through. Do you want to or not?"

"Olivia, let's go for a jog or something to take your mind and my mind off this."

"I don't want to go for a jog. If you don't want to have sex with me, I'm just going to call Jake back." She tried to trick Fitz

"Don't trick me with that. Jake is never going to be allowed into this facility again."

"Fine, go. I do have Frank's number."

Fitz hardened his jaw with the memory of Frank going down on Olivia. "Frank is also an addict, which means he won't be ten feet near your room. The center does have people who can help you with what you're going through. But you have to be at the verge of going out of your mind before…"

"Fine, then leave."

Fitz didn't move an inch.

"I said leave." Olivia shouted at him.

Fitz went to Olivia's door and stood there. He thought for a while before he shut the door. He walked to Olivia and tried to kiss her, but Olivia shifted away from his mouth and went straight to undo his belt. Fitz held Olivia's hands and tried to kiss her again. Olivia refused, still going for his belt. Fitz took a step away from her "If we are going to do this. We are not going to have just sex. I'm going to make love to you. You don't want me to kiss you because kissing plus sex is just too intimate for you. I'm going to make love to you slowly and gently, and I'm going to start by kissing you your beautiful lips." He went closer to her and bent his head to Olivia's mouth, but she shifted again.

"Fine, then I'm leaving." Fitz said, walking to her door.

"Stop. Please don't go. Okay, you can kiss me. You can make love to me."

 **This chapter was very fun to write.**

 **I have no idea whether this is a step forward or backward, but I know I'm going to figure it out.  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Let me start by apologizing to Crabapplect, Amanda J, IMPI and Toni about this chapter.** **I love you guys, and I genuinely love your reviews. I do understand your concern. In my defense this is Olitz we're talking about.**

Fitz walked back to Olivia and stood in front of her without touching her. Olivia got anxious and worried at the same time. Her stomach was in a knot. She felt her body heating up and a warm sensation building inside her without a touch from Fitz. Nobody had ever talked about making love to her and this scared her to her core.

They were now staring into each other eyes. Neither of them moved. Neither of them breathed. Fitz's eyes shifted to Olivia's lips. He gazed at her lips for what seemed like a gazillion minutes to Olivia. He was going to kiss her any moment now. Olivia's nervousness grew. She could hear how fast her heart was pounding.

Fitz hoped and wished Olivia feel something from his kiss. This kiss would determine whether she'd let her guard down and allowed real intimacy with him. He knew the most intimate part of lovemaking was kissing because kissing takes place in the mind where we think we live as opposed to intercourse taking place with our genitals which we have some sort of psychological distance from. He wanted Olivia to feel excited being kissed thereby preparing her mind for what may follow. He wanted her to know healthy Intercourse was something she should engage in after getting excited from a certain feeling, but not looking for the excitement during it. The kiss could help her feel wanted and cherished other than being used mainly for sex.

Fitz smiled before he softly pressed his lips to Olivia's lips. The moment their lips made contact Olivia literally stopped breathing, she was stunned. She didn't know what to do or how to react. She has never allowed herself to be really kissed before. Not kissing her sexual partners allowed her to feel detached from them. She hasn't been with anyone who was likable enough for her to really kiss them.

Olivia hated being kissed as long as she could remember. Maybe this was due to rapist kissing her so hard that she tasted her own blood in her mouth. Nevertheless, she was very aware how intimate kissing someone during sexual intercourse could be. She would prefer to have sex with someone she didn't like or someone she was angry at than kissing someone she didn't like or angry at. That'd be just disgusting and awful respectively. While she wasn't angry or mad at Fitz, she couldn't explain her current state of mind.

Tasting Olivia's lips was something Fitz had imagined like a million times. He had wanted her so badly since the day she walked into his AA session with Abby. He has fantasized kissing her beautiful mouth over and over until her lips were more swollen than they look. But he knew he had to take his time at this very moment.

He kissed her lips slowly, reverently. A little surprised he was finally doing this. He licked the seam of her lips begging for an entrance, but Olivia was still stunned. She didn't kiss him back.

All of a sudden, doubt kicked in. Fitz was now having doubts whether he should proceed with this. This wasn't simply some ordinary lovemaking or any other physical attraction for him. He desired to be closer to her, for her to feel something for him and no one else. He didn't want to be just one of her random sex buddies who she was going to regret after the act. He knew the regret that followed after having sex with somebody he didn't really care about. He didn't want to be someone who she was going to regret later.

Fitz wasn't sure whether Olivia knew what actual lovemaking felt like. This could be drastic for her. This could really jeopardize her treatment. He thought of walking out of her room immediately, but didn't have the strength to do so. He then withdrew his lips from Olivia's, and simply stared at her, but not having the will power to walk out of her room.

Olivia could tell Fitz was about to walk out of her room. He was going to change his mind about making love to her. Maybe it was for the best, anyway. But she needed to feel something or she was going to go crazy. She cursed herself for not kissing him back. She talked herself into actually kissing him if he attempted again. _Try and loosen up, this is not a big deal. It is just a kiss. Nothing is going to be special or intimate about it. Let him kiss you as long as he's going to take care of the itch in between your legs._

Olivia looked into Fitz's eyes, begging with her own eyes for him not to back off, for him to see how badly she needed to be scratched, and how she'd go insane if he walked out.

Fitz on the other hand searched Olivia deeper, desperate to know he wasn't taking advantage of her, desperate to know his own desire didn't supersede her thirst to feel something. He then saw the longing and the vulnerability in Olivia's eyes, combined with a little bit of fear and uncertainty. He came to the conclusion this wasn't about him. It was about Olivia, it was about her needs. He wanted her to feel something other than the natural release most sex addicts craved for. But he also knew Olivia's recovery was at risk here.

How he was to make Olivia feel something more than just sex without risking her treatment left to be discovered. He was certain having sexual intercourse with her would set her recovery a thousand times backward. But he wanted her to feel something much more than the normal sex addict high.

 _There was only one way out of this._ He thought _._ And that would be for him to make her feel loved and cherished without actually having sexual intercourse with her, without any penetration. He'd have to make her feel satisfied without being inside of her. This means he has to be strong enough to please her and resist his own desire and need. He was certain this was going to be a real challenge, but he always loved challenges just so he could prove something to himself.

Fitz then took his mouth back to Olivia's lips and lightly traced Olivia's lips with his tongue, teasing her, requiring for an entrance again. He kept going for a while before Olivia shivered and moaned. She then responded excitedly to his kiss. Fitz placed his hands on both sides of Olivia's face and held her where he wanted her to be.

The kiss for Olivia was cautious at first, slow, sweet, and then it got more and more heated, and the earth stopped moving. It was a lot more than merely a kiss. It was everything she had felt in romantic movies and in books.

Olivia winded her fingers up in Fitz's hair and tugs it tight. Her breath was getting faster and faster in a way she couldn't control. She felt dizzy like she'd black out any second soon. She was more aware of Fitz's rock hard solid body against her than she has ever been with anyone in her life time. She swore the edges of her body faded away and turned one part with Fitz's.

Fitz nipped at Olivia's bottom lip at the same time his hands roamed down her body, lightly caressing every part it touches. When he massaged her ass, Olivia felt fireworks through her whole body. This was something she never thought was imaginable. Her whole body ached knowing there was a terrible hollow emptiness inside her that desperately needed to be filled.

Olivia gasped when Fitz caressed both of her breasts with his hands through her blouse. Fitz took advantage of her gasp and plunged his tongue deeper into her wet mouth. _Hey_ _Fitz this is not about you, it's about her_. A voice said in the back of his head. He then tried to remove his tongue from Olivia's mouth, but Olivia caught his tongue on its way out and sucked on it hard.

Olivia sucked passionately on Fitz's tongue, moaning and groaning. Her hands gripped his body, pulling him closer. Fitz's tongue tasted too delicious. She never thought just kissing could be this life transforming. She didn't want to let go of Fitz's tongue. She couldn't remember why she hated being kissed in the first place because this kiss from Fitz was everything and more.

Fitz noticed they were both getting out of control. He finally broke off the kiss and just stared at her, trying to control his desire not to devour her like a beast. He could see the kiss had the same effect on Olivia like it did for him, and for this, he was the happiest man in the world. He still needed to be careful not to have sexual intercourse with her. But God help him if he'd be strong enough to withstand the throbbing between his legs. He promised himself to take things slow in order for them not to have any regret after it was all over.

Olivia got nervous from the way Fitz stared at her. She thought maybe Fitz didn't enjoy the kiss like the way she did or maybe he wanted to back off again. _I want more. Why did he pull out?_ She asked herself mentally. _The kiss was to die for. I have to catch up for all those years I refused being kissed._

Fitz saw the anxious look on Olivia's face and softly kissed the bridge of her nose, then her forehead, her eyelids, her nose again, down to her chin and her neck. He lightly nibbled at Olivia's neck, and she groaned and quavered. Fitz grinned because he barely nibbled her and she responded like that.

Olivia didn't remember her neck being this sensitive. She had never jiggled from somebody's mouth on her neck. She didn't truly know why Fitz had such effect on her. She was now certain this was going to be a lovemaking she'd never forget. And her excitement for it intensified. She couldn't wait to have Fitz inside of her.

Fitz intentionally nibbled at Olivia's neck again. But the current was so strong that Olivia tried to back off. Fitz held her firm and just nibbled some more. Olivia's legs betrayed her. She was melting down to a puddle. Fitz caught her and held her firm before she could dissolve any further.

He felt a high degree of satisfaction to have this much effect on her. He waited for her to regain her stability. Olivia did, and saw him smiling sweetly at her with a macho look on his face. She could tell how glad he was to cause such reaction from her. She got a little annoyed and rolled her eyes, then tried to take off his shirt, but he asked her to stop. "I am in charge, okay!" Fitz said to her and began to loosen her blouse.

He took his time to undo every buttons as if the buttons were delicate and precious. Olivia felt tears building behind the spine of her eyes and fought it hard for them not to come forward. She was very moved by his action just because no guy had ever shown so much care to her clothes before. All the other guys ever did was tore her dress and panties off so they could get what they wanted, not that she blamed them or anything, she also never had time for all this. She simply couldn't think of a time when someone took the time to take off her clothes.

Olivia's thought got interrupted when Fitz gently asked her to step out of her jeans. She had no idea her jean already was at her ankle or when her blouse got to the floor. She stepped out of her jeans as Fitz instructed and stood in front of him with just her bra and panties. Fitz took some steps away from her just to admire her physical structure. He then asked her to take off her bra and panties. "I want you completely naked." He said to her.

For some reasons, Olivia felt like a virgin. Even though she had her bra and panties on, she felt exposed and vulnerable in a way she had never felt before. She couldn't explain why she didn't want Fitz to stare at her the way he was staring at the moment. It was like he was trying to read her soul, and she didn't want him to know her that much. No one had ever been truly present with her during sex. She likewise had never really been involved during sex, and all this was very scary for her. She wasn't prepared for such level of intimacy. She shyly took off just her bra, but couldn't continue with her panties. She felt self-conscious to take off her panties.

Fitz noticed Olivia was shy to take off her panties and he was delighted with that knowledge because it meant he wasn't just an ordinary sex buddy for her. This meant Olivia felt something for him. Many sex addicts wouldn't give a damn being naked in front of their prey. "I want to see you completely bare." Fitz stated, gazing into her eyes.

Olivia waited for some seconds, struggling with what she was about to do. She has exposed herself to him and many others before, but she had no idea why this day was different. She then closed her eyes and took off her panties. She was completely nude in front of Fitz while he was still fully clothed. Olivia waited patiently with eyes close, hoping Fitz would close the gap between them, but all she heard was complete quietness. She opened her eyes and found Fitz staring at her not only with lust, but with something else too. He didn't need to say he liked what he saw or how beautiful she was because Olivia could see it all from his face. She thanked God Fitz didn't say anything like that because she has heard how beautiful and sexy she was during sex from too many guys who all made those words sound really annoying and cliche like.

Fitz had seen Olivia naked before in his office when she wanted to prove he was drawn to her. But her being this naked in front of him when he recognized he could really have her if he wanted was something he never prepared himself for. His body began shaking uncontrollably like the first time he saw her naked. He swallowed hard and forced himself to calm down. _Fitz, you are not to have intercourse with her. This is really not about you. This is about her._ But his penis didn't want to be confined in his trousers. His penis tented his pant so badly that he wondered if he had bruised himself.

Olivia saw how huge Fitz's crotch was and shivered from cold or something else. She walked toward him to close the space between them. But Fitz stopped her so he could calm himself down. He then saw the yearning in Olivia's eyes, and needed to touch her immediately. With hardly a stride, he closed the gap between them.

As soon as Fitz's lips made contact with Olivia's lips again, she moaned and thanked heaven for the passion that followed. Fitz fitted one hand in her hair and the other along her hip and drew her closer to his body while walking with her toward the wall until her spine was pressed against the wall.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and tiptoed so she could get more kisses from Fitz. She felt his hard member through his pant. She then thrust her hips forward and they both groaned at the contact.

Fitz took Olivia's nipple into his mouth and her whole body went on fire, but burning in a marvelous kind of way. She stopped breathing for some seconds, then began turning her head from side to side. A loud moan escaped her lips as Fitz worked wonders on both nipples. She felt him teeth them, sucked them and licked them. Olivia thought she was going to explode from pure pleasure. She began grinding her body to his and this made Fitz hiss and moaned aloud.

After Fitz thought Olivia's breasts were swollen enough, he carried her and placed her on the bed. Olivia laid down panting as she observed him get off his T-shirt and struggled with his trouser. As soon as he finally slid them on the floor, Olivia gasped at the sight of him. Fitz was massive.

From Olivia's gasped Fitz then noticed what he just did. _Fitz your clothes are off. You are not to have sex with her._ _I repeat you are not to have sex with her._

Olivia looked at Fitz, and the lust he had in his eyes was undeniable. She involuntarily stretched out her hand and grabbed his throbbing member.

Fitz tensed up and shivered at the contact. He was now wondering how he was going to leave her room without feeling himself inside of her. _You can do this_. He prepped talked himself. Olivia started massaging him, but he slightly pushed her hand away and asked her to stop, saying he was in charge. _Fitz, you can do this._

He climbed on the bed and lay beside Olivia. He started kissing her again and at the same time walking his hand up and down Olivia's thigh. Olivia spreads her legs open and Fitz's hand went exactly where she desired it to be. Fitz started rubbing her already steaming wet clitoris with his thumb. It felt so wonderful. She moaned out loudly and Fitz took that as a hint. He introduced a finger inside of her, teasing her slowly before he picked up pace. "Oh Fitz, what are you doing to me with just a finger?" Olivia moaned out. Fitz whispered in her ear. "I am making love to you. Do you like it?" He huskily asked Olivia. She nodded her head. "Have you ever felt like this?" Fitz asked, staring at Olivia, whose eyes were close. Olivia didn't answer him. "Sweetie, have you ever felt like this?" Olivia was a little offended and touched with his question at the same time. No, she has never felt like this before. What was his point of asking, but he just called her sweetie. She opened her eyes and saw Fitz staring at her with so much affection. She closed her eyes and said no. And Fitz kept on going with his fingers. He later on inserted two fingers into Olivia and she lost it. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and her body arched against him. He picked up pace with both fingers until Olivia found herself riding against his fingers.

Olivia was becoming wilder and untamed as her libido was increasing and the heat of her body soaring. Fitz on the other hand was fighting hard for his dick not to have control over his brain.

While Olivia's eyes were closed, Fitz was watching her reaction from his touch, and every vein in his body was at the verge of going extinct. Olivia's reaction from his touch was just too beautiful and erotic for him. Fitz added another finger and another finger until Olivia started panting and moaning out loudly.

If everything was up to Fitz, he'd do what he was dong to her all day 365 days in a year. He moved his fingers deeper inside of Olivia and found her G-spot. And Olivia went wide. He kept hitting it over and over, until Olivia couldn't take it any longer. She felt her wall clamping around his finger and finally came on his fingers.

Fitz removed his fingers inside of Olivia and asked her to look at him. Olivia looked at him and he then put his fingers into his mouth and licked on it as if Olivia's liquid on his hand was some sort of liquid lollipop. They were both in a trance staring at each other.

Olivia got turned on all over again from the way Fitz licked her juice off his hand. She felt like he was licking her. She found herself moving her body against empty air as if Fitz's tongue was on her.

Olivia movement drove Fitz crazy. He went to her mouth and kissed her hard. Olivia tasted herself. She never thought she tasted that good until this day. Fitz started working his mouth down her body. Olivia looked down at where he was heading and she sighed gently, "what is life." Fitz smiled at her statement and spread opened her legs.

Olivia supported herself with her elbow to watch what Fitz was about to perform. Fitz's tongue licked over her clit and Olivia sucked in a sharp breath as she watched on. He kept on licking and Olivia lay back down on the bed. She moved her hands to her breasts, squeezing her nipples. She felt Fitz's fingers inside of her again accompanied with his tongue this time around, and she thought she died and went to Heaven. She could hear Fitz's tongue flicking over her tender flesh.

Fitz continued to lick and sucked her clit as she turned her head from side to side with a firm gripped at the bedspread. Fitz brought one of his hands up Olivia's body and grabbed hold of her right breast and raised his head, took his thumb, and massaged her clitoris as he gazed at her. Olivia tried to hoist herself up with her elbow again to watch him, but Fitz forced her down and sank his face back into her wet core. Olivia felt like she was going to lose her mind. She screamed out loud wanting the whole world to hear her passion.

Even though Fitz desperately wanted to be inside Olivia, he knew it'd risked her treatment. He has held his boys in for too long and his level of discomfort from it was too much to bear. He knew if he didn't relieve himself soon, he would cause serious irritation to his urethra or bladder. Fitz got hold of his dick and started massaging it. But Olivia said no she wanted him inside of her. He tried to ignore her and continued with his masturbation, but Olivia spreads her legs wide open for him.

Fitz looked at his penis in his hand, then Olivia, whose legs were wide open for him and shook his head. He cursed himself before he positioned himself on top of Olivia. _Oh no Fitz, you didn't. Oh yes, I did_. Fitz sat fully inside her and closed his eyes, ignoring the instinct to pound her. He simply concentrated on the touch sensation of her around him. His whole body ached with pleasure when his dick finally fitted perfectly into Olivia.

Olivia's breath ceased, she wasn't prepared for the size of Fitz. She has had many unfamiliar, unfriendly, but wanted dicks inside of her many times, but nothing prepared her for size of Fitz.

Olivia squirmed underneath Fitz and he gripped her hip in his hands tightly. Fitz groaned as he pushed himself in and out of her. His thrust became longer and faster. Olivia moaned then turned into screams.

They were both really close when Fitz told Olivia to wrap her legs around him. "Wrap your legs around me." The seconds those words left Fitz's mouth, Olivia froze. _Wrap your legs around me_? Olivia's brain asked. Pictures of her rapist asking her to wrap her legs around him resurfaced in her brain. "Wrap your legs around me." Fitz repeated and Olivia started shouting uncontrollably asking him to stop.

Fitz quickly got himself out of her and attempted to console her, but Olivia shouted and pushed him away asking him not to come near her. Fitz had no idea what triggered Olivia's reaction.

Olivia coiled herself together like a soccer ball, having a severe panic attack. She was shivering, sweating and chanting. "She's going to hit. She's looking for something to hit me with. I didn't intend to like it. I'm truly sorry. I'm sorry, please forgive me. I won't do it again."

Fitz was completely clueless on what to do. "Olivia, are you ok?" He nervously asked her, but Olivia didn't response. She continued with her chanting.

Fitz's eyes were full with tears watching Olivia this helpless, he ran his hands through his hair in desperation and exclaimed. "What did I just do?"

 **Writing love making description is not my forte. And composing a whole chapter just on it was a real challenge.**


	7. Chapter 7

**FOR THE FEW WHO ARE STILL HERE I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS CHAPTER**

Fitz was still in Olivia's room, pacing, with no clue how to handle what Olivia was going through. He asked Olivia how to help her, but didn't get any response from her. Olivia just kept on chanting. He couldn't believe he slept with her knowing what she was trying to overcome.

Fitz thought long and hard and decided to call Cyrus' husband, Chao. He knew Cyrus was going to crucify him if he found out what he just did. He prayed Chao would be decreed enough not to tell Cyrus. He hated himself so much for being this selfish.

* * *

Chao and Cyrus were both researching how fast they could help Olivia. They decided to start from her upbringing, and her mom was the best person to start with. They made a call to the prison facility where Chao lastly saw Olivia's mom.

"Hello, how may I help you?" Someone in the prison facility asked.

"We want to know if Maya Pope is still in your system." Chao went directly to the point.

"I'll direct your call to the one in charge of such information. Hold up for a minute"

Cyrus and Chao waited patiently, and were connected after some seconds. "Hello, Please I'd like to find out if Maya Pope is still in your system. I saw her there two years go. I want to know if she's out and where to find her." Chao inquired.

"Maya Pope?"

"Yes. You know her?"

 **"** Yes, she's still here. She has six years left."

"Six years?" Chao shouted out loud.

"What did she do? Six plus two makes eight years." Cyrus calculated from the time Chao saw her plus the additional six years left.

The person differentiated Chao's voice from Cyrus'. "Who is the other guy?"

"Sorry, you're on speaker. Hope this is not a problem?" Chao answered and asked.

"Eh, no it's not. Just wanted to make sure l wasn't making up stuff in my head." The person at the end of the line said.

"Yes. Eight years?" Chao went back to Cyrus' question.

The person chuckled. "She's doing a sixteen years' time. She has done ten already. So it's left with six. You stated you saw her two years ago, which means by then she must have spent eight years. Who are you to her if I may ask?"

Cyrus didn't have time for all that. "What did she do?" He asked instead.

"Murder." The person at the end of the line answered sharply, adding, "but if you ask me, I think the bastard deserved to die. She might be out this year for good conducts, so I heard." The person seemed to be a talker.

"Please, can we speak to her?" Chao requested.

"Sorry, inmates do not receives calls today. You can call back tomorrow. But if you can stay on the phone I can tell you anything you want to know about anyone here. I'm very good at my job. Today is a boring day and I have nothing to do." The person was definitely a talker and a gossiper too.

Chao and Cyrus looked at each other, Chao shook his head while Cyrus rolled his eyes. "Okay, but we just want to know only about Maya Pope. I am a psychologist. I'd like to…." Chao's phone rang before he could finish.

Fitz was at the other end of the line. "You have to get here now." Fitz said in desperation.

"Fitz, is everything OK? I'm busy at the moment."

Cyrus heard Chao mentioned Fitz's name. "Fitz? What does he want?" He asked his husband.

Fitz heard Cyrus' voice over the phone. "Is Cyrus there with you?" He nervously asked Chao.

"Yes."

"Please, give him an excuse and get to Olivia's room now. I don't want him to know about this. This is about Olivia, I slept with her and something is wrong."

"You what?" Chao shouted immediately before he tried to calm down his voice so Cyrus wouldn't be suspicious.

Fitz didn't have time to explain everything to him over the phone. "Please, just get here with your medical box, and without Cyrus."

Chao cut of the line. "Cy, Fitz said a patient needs me urgently. I think you can handle getting all the information we need about Olivia's mom, since our person at the prison facility is a talker."

Cyrus was already suspicious of Chao and Fitz discussion because of Chao's sudden nervousness. "They're many doctors at the center. He should get one of them. I thought you want to see how fast we could help your friend Olivia. We are in the middle of something here, or is there something I should know?"

"I have to go Cy." He rushed off and left Cyrus.

Cyrus thought for a while and was certain something wasn't right.

Chao arrived and met Fitz sitting next to Olivia with just a sheet over her body

"Fitz…" He called out.

Fitz went straight to the point. "I made love to her….and…"

"Are you sick in the head or something? Cyrus is going to kill you. What's wrong with her?" Chao asked, seeing how Olivia was coiled up, still chanting.

"I don't know, I think she's having a panic attack or something. I don't know what went wrong or how to help her."

"When did she get like this?"Chao asked Fitz.

Fitz couldn't voice out the exact words that triggered Olivia's reaction. "We were both really clos…. when she…."

"You can't even say it because you know how wrong that is" Chao gave Fitz a stern look.

Fitz ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "I accept every responsibility. But this is not about me now. We have to do something to calm her down."

Chao walked toward Olivia and tried to touch her, but she shifted away from his touch, a little scared. "Why is she scared? Hope you didn't force her." He looked at Fitz.

Fitz felt like punching Chao in the face. "Do you really think that low of me? I am not a rapist. Do you think I'd force her to do something she didn't want? Even when I was an addict I'd never force….."

Chao chuckled. "When you were an addict?" He mocked.

Fitz rolled his eyes. "She was going through a withdrawal. I was just trying to help."

"The fact that she was going through a withdrawal and you made that your justification to do what you did say so little of you, you are a professional for crying out loud."

Fitz sighed, knowing there was truth to what Chao said. "Let's stop arguing and see how to help her, please!"

"She should freshen up first, some sleeping pills would help for now, but she has to tell us what she's going through in order for us to prescribe the necessary antidepressant."

Fitz tried to carry Olivia to the bathroom to freshen her up, but Olivia pushed him away, not wanting him to touch her. Fitz and Chao decided to use their strength and sedated her with an injection.

Olivia fell asleep and Fitz carried her up. "Please arrange her bed. I'll clean her up." Fitz said to Chao and carried Olivia to the bathroom.

"Yes, while I take care of this mess here." Chao pointed at Olivia's bed, hating himself for cleaning up their mess.

After Fitz was done, he went through Olivia's stuff and found a PJ he was certain she would be comfortable in. He placed her on her bed and covered her with a sheet.

"Let's leave her room and sit somewhere for you to explain yourself." Chao suggested.

"I don't want to leave her."

Chao looked at Fitz like he was a little crazy. "Are you kidding me? What can you do for her while she is asleep?" He asked and showed Fitz the door for them to leave Olivia's room.

They stepped out and Fitz described everything that transpired between him and Olivia. Chao told Fitz he and Cyrus were searching for Olivia's mom to see how fast they could help her while Fitz was with Olivia being selfish.

Fitz overlooked his statement. "Any luck?" He asked, in regard to Olivia's mom.

"Somehow, but her mom is still in jail."

 **XXX**

Olivia slept for hours. When she got up the first person on her mind was Fitz. She could literally feel Fitz's kisses all over her body. Her lips felt swollen, she touched her lips and recalled how she enjoyed kissing Fitz and smiled at the memory. She vividly remembered every single details of their love making and her body warmed up from the images. "So that's what lovemaking feels like," she said that out loud and smiled again.

She then recalled her panic attack after Fitz asked her to wrap her legs around him and she was mortified at the memory. She covered her face with her pillow and tried to suffocate herself, but couldn't. She later on removed her face from her pillow searching for air to breathe.

She didn't remember Fitz leaving or she putting her PJ on, she was certain Fitz did. She was very ashamed and embarrassed. The shame was so unbearable that she was thinking whether she'd ever get over from it.

Everything that transpired between them just proved her point of never recovering from her addiction. She got up and started packing her things to leave. She didn't want to face Fitz ever again. She was now certain nothing and no one could help her illness, and she was destine to live like that.

Olivia was still packing when Cyrus came to check on her because of his suspicion about the phone call Fitz made to Chao. Cyrus saw her packing. "Olivia, what's going on?"

"I have to go. I won't be able to continue with the program. You guys can't help me, no one can." Olivia rushed through her words without a glance in Cyrus' direction.

Cyrus demanded to know why Olivia was leaving. Olivia didn't tell him she slept with Fitz, but told him she relapsed and didn't want to continue. Cyrus put two and two together and came to the conclusion Fitz has something to do with all this.

He demanded to know who she relapsed with since no sex worker was assigned to have sex with her. Olivia told him it didn't matter.

"Is it Fitz?" Cyrus asked through his teeth, already worked up.

Just hearing Fitz's name made Olivia's heart skipped a thousand times. "I said it doesn't matter."

"Olivia, this is my job and yes it does. This establishment is at risk here. Did you have sex with Fitz?" Cyrus asked angrily.

Olivia didn't answer. Cyrus dialed Fitz's number and demanded he come to Olivia's room at that instant.

The thought of seeing Fitz made her more than nervous. "Please no, he doesn't need to come here. I should just go. I don't want to cause any trouble." Olivia tried to leave

"You are not going anywhere." Cyrus told her, and added she has to go through the normal procedure of signing papers and filling out some documents which were required for anyone quitting.

"Can't I do that later?" She asked.

"No, we have to be prepared for your law suit. A counselor in my center slept with an addict, you. It's going to destroy everything I've worked for. I have to at least try to minimize the damages."

"I'm not suing anybody."

"For now, right?"

"No, forever."

Fitz entered Olivia's room and saw she was up. He rushed to her and tried to touch her but stopped halfway. "Are you OK?" He asked her, very concerned.

"I am fine." Olivia replied, but didn't look at him, she was soaking wet with embarrassment.

"Olivia is quitting and you know why?" Cyrus asked Fitz, sort of a rhetorical question, "because of you." He added.

Fitz walked toward Olivia, then stopped halfway after he saw Olivia shifting away from him. "No, please you can't quit…" He begged Olivia.

Olivia interrupted Fitz quickly, but giving her attention to Cyrus. "No, is not because of him. I just want to leave that's all."

Cyrus walked closer to Fitz with anger written all over his face. "You are suspended indefinitely. And as long as I live I'd make sure you never get to practice again. I want you to clear your office and leave immediate. You are not to be seen in this premise. The board is going to review your status here. "

Olivia rushed to Cyrus in shock. "No, you can't do that." Olivia said to Cyrus. "It was my fault. I forced him, I begged him to, and I'm leaving, you don't have to suspend him or anything."

"Leave now." Cyrus shouted at Fitz.

Fitz knew where Cyrus was coming from. He knew what he did was very unprofessional and if words got out, it was going to ruin the center's reputation. He sighed heavily. "I respect your decision. I am sorry." He said to Cyrus then turned to Olivia. "Please, can we talk later?"

Olivia didn't look at him, talk less of answering him. Fitz saw her reaction and left Olivia's room.

After Fitz left, Olivia held Cyrus' hand. "Please you can't fire or suspend him. I'm not going to sue anybody, I promise. Cyrus, please hear me out. I'd do anything you want me to do. Please don't take his job away from him." Olivia was virtually in tears, begging Cyrus not to fire Fitz.

Cyrus concealed a devilish smiled. "Did you say you'd do anything I want you to do?"

"Yes Cyrus, anything, I can't take being responsible for another misfortune of his. I made him relapsed not long ago, I can't take away his job too, Please!" Olivia cried out.

Cyrus thought for a while. "OK, you know Chao is my husband, and he's very worried about you."

"Fine, I forgive him. I'm going to talk to him. Please don't just fire Fitz, please!"

"Nope, that's not what I want. You have to give yourself another chance of recovery. You can't quit. You are to be committed 100% to this program. If you quit, Fitz goes too."

Olivia gave out a long breath of relieve, but felt like her situation has been exacerbated at the same time. "Agreed, I won't quit."

* * *

Fitz and Olivia haven't seen or spoken to each other for four days. Cyrus told Fitz he wasn't suspended, but would be evaluated, and was to stay away from Olivia unless it has to do with her treatment.

Fitz knew what he did was very unprofessional and wrong on all levels, no matter how he tried to rationalize it, it was plain wrong. Notwithstanding, Olivia's moaning and screaming during their lovemaking hasn't left his head.

The lovemaking felt too good, and truth be told even though what he did was wrong, minus her panic attack, he didn't regret it one bit. He wished no one else apart from him get to hear her screamed and moaned like that. A small part of him told him Olivia cares about him too due to the way Olivia reacted when Cyrus threatened to suspend him. He wanted to talk to her so badly about her panic attacked, but Chao, just like Cyrus advised him to stay away from her for a while too in order for her to regain herself.

More of the same Fitz's thoughts were going through Olivia's mind too. Olivia noticed she hasn't been able to take Fitz off her mind ever since she met him, and this was a new feeling for her. She felt seen and cherished by Fitz when they were making love, and she has never felt that way before. But she knew she'd never be able to look him in the eyes again after her panic attacked. _What if Fitz wants to know more about what caused my reaction?_ She asked herself. _I can't tell him I was raped, how is he going to look at me if he finds out the rape was pleasurable at the end. Is he going to understand me?_

She was dreading all of Fitz's session she has attend, but it didn't stop her from fantasying about him. She couldn't believe it has been four days since she thought about sex with no one else but Fitz.

* * *

Today was field day, which meant every addict has to choose an art or hobby to develop. Olivia saw Jerry standing in front of a drawing board and decided to see what he was doing.

Jerry saw Olivia approaching him. "Hey Olivia, come and see what I drew." He had drawn a picture of Olivia.

"Wow, you are really good. But why did you draw me? That's a little creepy you know that, right?"

"Because you are the love of my life and one day you're going to love me too." Jerry teased her.

"Bye. I told you to stop saying such things." Olivia pretended as if she was walking away. She knew Jerry meant no harm and was just teasing her.

Jerry rushed in front of Olivia. "Please don't go. I was just kidding." He pushed Olivia playfully. "So, what hobby would you like to develop today?"

Olivia smiled at him. "I once love drawing and painting too, but not anymore."

Jerry gave Olivia a look.

"Long story kiddo." Olivia replied to his look with a tease. She knew Jerry hate being called kiddo.

"You said you won't call me that anymore."

"Just kidding too. You also said you won't flirt with me anymore, but you did earlier."

"OK, I promise if you draw something I'm never going to tease you with my flirting, ever again."

"Sorry, you can tease all you want, but that won't get me to draw."

"Pleaseeeee!" Jerry made his begging face.

"OK! stop with the face." Olivia surrendered.

The last time Olivia drew something was when she was sixteen and it was the day she got raped. She stood in front of Jerry's drawing board and closed her eyes. She placed her pencil on the board and her fingers began to shake. She was about giving up when the instructor spoke.

"Jerry, your dad is here to see you." The instructor said to Jerry. Olivia and Jerry spotted Fitz at the same time.

Olivia dropped her pencil due to a sudden anxiety. "Is that your dad?"

"Yes." Jerry answered her, and called his dad. "Dad, come meet my new friend, Olivia."

Fitz and Olivia haven't seen each other since the day they made love. Fitz approached Jerry and Olivia, he tried to smile at Olivia, but she wouldn't look at him.

Olivia was contemplating running out of there or hiding herself somewhere, as Fitz approached them, her nervousness grew. "Jerry, I have to go."

She was just about to bypass Fitz, when he grabbed her arm lightly. "Olivia, we have to talk."

Jerry walked up to them. "You know each other already?" He looked at his dad then Olivia and saw the way they were both in trance, staring at each other. "Hello!" Jerry brought them back from their spell.

"Yes." Fitz answered. "Jerry, let me talk to Olivia for some minutes, I'd be back shortly."

Jerry rolled his eyes. "I should've known you move fast." He said to his dad and went back to his drawing board.

Olivia tried to fake a smile. "You were coming to talk to Jerry, you should do that. We don't have anything to talk about." She said without looking at him.

"Olivia, after what happened four days ago I think we both deserves a talk or two, please." Fitz pleaded.

It took Olivia like ages before she gave in. Fitz took her to a quiet area where they could talk without any disturbances.

Olivia desperately wanted to be in control of the conversation they were about to have. "I am an addict, we had sex so what's the big deal?" She asked, trying to conceal her shame and embarrassment in anger.

"You scared the Hell out of me the other day you know." Fitz voiced out then saw how ashamed Olivia was to his statement and regretted saying that. "I'm sorry." He added.

There goes Olivia trying to be in control of their talk. She wanted to disappear at that very instant. She bowed down her head, ashamed and embarrassed. She struggled and voiced out the word sorry. "Sorry."

Fitz felt like hugging her tight for her to know there was nothing to be ashamed of. "Honey, you don't have to be sorry. You just need to tell us what you are going through so we can help you."

"I am fine." Olivia said, with her head still down, like an embarrassed kid.

"Olivia, we both know you're not fine." Fitz tried to touch her.

Olivia's embarrassment and shame turned into anger. "because we have sex you think you know me?"

"C'mon Olivia, you know I didn't mean it like that."

"Then what did you mean. Yes, we had sex and it's was just like the hundred guys I've had sex with, hello I am a sex addict. Don't think you're special or anything. You were just my sex buddy for that day, and tomorrow it's going to be someone else."

What Olivia just said hit a nerve on Fitz because he never wanted to be one of her random sex buddies. And the fact that she said tomorrow was going to be someone else, hurt a lot, but he decided to fire back at her. "Oh, that was more than sex and you know it. You hated being kissed, but I kissed you and you more than liked it. Don't forget you said you've never felt like that before."

It was now a firing match going on. Olivia fired back at him too. "Oh, don't flatter yourself. I pretended to like it just so you could take care of the itch between my …"

She didn't finish her sentence because Fitz crushed his mouth to hers and she didn't even hesitate but kiss him back. Olivia kissed him back with the same force and urgency. She sucked passionately on Fitz's tongue, moaning and groaning. She didn't want to let go of him.

Fitz broke off the kiss with his hands still on both side of Olivia's head, "are you still pretending now?" He asked.

Olivia opened her eyes and found him smiling sweetly at her, she pushed him away. Seconds later, Cyrus and Chao appeared on the scene.

"I thought I told you guys never to be alone with each other." Cyrus accused them.

Fitz was so over Cyrus. "Cyrus, it has been four days and I haven't spoken or seen her, if you want to report me to the board go ahead and do it."

Cyrus was about to fired back when Chao interrupted him. "Olivia, we are here because we got in touched with your mother."

Olivia was taken aback. "Who asked you to do that? I didn't ask you to get in touch with her." She accused them angrily, walking away from them.

"Olivia, there are things about her you need to know." Cyrus called behind her.

Olivia turned back and faced them. "I don't want to know anything about her. Keep it to yourselves."

"Yes, you do. She is in jail." Chao said to her.

"Good, that's where she belongs." Olivia turned around, walking away again.

"She's there because he killed the guy who raped you at sixteen." Cyrus shouted behind her.

Olivia stopped walking.

Fitz was taken aback by Cyrus' statement.

Chao shouted at Cyrus for throwing a delicate matter in such a manner.

Olivia felt like she was about to have another panic attack but decided to run out of their presence. Chao asked Fitz to go after her.

* * *

Olivia kept running into the center forest landscape until she didn't know where she was. She then stopped and started crying heavily. She didn't know Fitz was following her until he held her. She broke down and cried some more. She cried until she didn't want to cry anymore. She started kissing Fitz all over.

Fitz tried to stop her. "Olivia stop, I know sex is the easiest way to deal with this."

But Olivia didn't listen. "So?" She asked him angrily and kept kissing and touching him all over.

Fitz held her hands and shouted at her. "Olivia, I said stop."

Olivia turned into a maniac, she pushed Fitz on the ground and tore off his clothe. Fitz gave up trying to stop her and allowed her to do what she wanted. Olivia slapped him in the face multiple times. Fitz didn't move or tried to stop her. He just lay there on the ground, taking every punch she was throwing at him. Olivia was struggling with his belt before he decided to intervene.

"Olivia, please stop. Not like this." Fitz cried out.

But Olivia was determined to take all her anger and frustration on Fitz. "Not like what?" Olivia slapped him again on the face, then finally took off his belt. She went down on his body and took his penis into her mouth and started nipping at it.

"OH MY GOD," Fitz voiced out. The shockwave that took over his body wasn't in his control.

After Olivia thought she has punished Fitz enough with her mouth, she then positioned herself on top of him and rode the Hell out of him.

Fitz couldn't help himself, but held Olivia's ass. "Yes, baby, just like that." And they both came.

Olivia collapsed on top of Fitz. She was quiet like for eternity. "Was that rape?" She asked him.

Fitz thought for a while. "I don't know." He thought again, "sorta." And finally, concluding "yes, it was."

 **I AM GOING TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU GUYS FOR MY LEAVE OF ABSENCE WITHOUT ANY WARNING. NEXT CHAPTER WOULD BE COMING UP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.**

 **I HOPE YOU GUYS LOVE THIS CHAPTER**


	8. Chapter 8

After Fitz told Olivia what she just did was rape, he waited patiently for Olivia to say something, but Olivia was quiet, still lying on top of him.

Even though what Olivia did to Fitz wasn't planned, she knew exactly what she was doing. She didn't want to be the victim anymore. She thought she would gain back some sort of power and control that her rapist took from, but she felt more powerless and miserable than ever before.

She also wanted Fitz to feel how one's body could betray one completely. She wanted Fitz to fathom what she went through, and maybe he would fully understand where she was coming from.

But all she was left with at this very moment were many questions, like; why did she choose Fitz for this particular experiment? Why hasn't she taken her revenge on someone else till now? Why did she desperately want Fitz to understand where she was coming from? Why did she need his validation this much?

Olivia thought long and hard and came to the conclusion she wanted Fitz to love her despite the life she has lived. But the truth of the matter was he could never really love her. She knew how damage she was and how unlovable she was for any man who really gets to know her.

So what she just did to Fitz was pointless. She knew he didn't deserve what she just put him through. And right now she wasn't any different from her rapist.

Olivia closed her eyes and her tears fell on Fitz's chest. "I'm sorry." she voiced out.

Fitz wanted to console her and tell her everything would be OK, but knew Olivia has to face her demons. "Tell me about your mom and the guy who raped you." Fitz ran his hand gently on her back.

Olivia didn't see any point in telling Fitz what happened to her years ago. Her best friend Abby didn't know about this, and she knew Abby loves her in her own way. This was her sin, her possession. Telling him would be giving him too much insight and power over her, and for what good. She knew the only thing going on for them was the lust they felt for each other, and that would be ruined with his pity. She didn't want Fitz to pity her. She couldn't take anymore pity from anyone.

Olivia got up from Fitz's body and started arranging her clothes, definitely avoiding his request.

Fitz got up from the ground too, putting on his belt. "Olivia, the only way for this center to help you is if you tell us your struggles." He said to her.

"There's nothing to tell. He raped me and that was it. I'm not the first person to be raped, neither would I be the last." Olivia said that in a very nonchalant manner as if it wasn't a big deal.

Fitz looked at Olivia a little hurt and in disbelief. The least Olivia could do was to open up to him after what she just did to him some minutes ago. Fitz shook his head and decided not to push her. He cleaned out the dirt from his body walking away from her. He walked a little further and then turned, facing her. "What you did to me minutes ago, your 'I'm sorry' doesn't cut it." He said and left.

* * *

Fitz has been avoiding Olivia for days now. Since as she didn't want to open up to him, he made up his mind he wasn't going to chase after her. He wanted her to fight for her recovery for herself. She has to desire to want to be better for herself and no one else, because if not they were all just wasting their time with her. He just noticed since he met Olivia he has given her too much power and control over his emotion and thoughts. And he wanted to gain back control of his life.

He has a group session which Olivia was part of in about an hour and a half time. He decided to spend some time with Chao before heading to his class. He wasn't really looking forward to the session because he was going to see Olivia.

He was in Chao's office and Chao brought up Olivia. "Have you spoken to Olivia lately?" Chao asked Fitz, he knew Fitz has been avoiding Olivia since the day he asked him to chase after her.

"Nope." He answered, not really in the mood to talk about her.

Chao looked at him strangely. "Nope? Like Really?"

"Yes, James, Nope." Fitz repeated his answer louder, irritated already.

"This must be serious. You just called me James. What is going on?" He inquired.

"Isn't your name James Chao Beene, and why do you think something is going on?"

"Okay, if you don't want to talk about it." Chao decided to drop his inquiry. "Olivia and I are having our first meeting in about thirty minute's time."

Fitz opted to lighten up than to be mad at Chao. "I'm having a group session with her in an hour and a half. Do we even know if she wants to get better?" He rolled his eyes.

Chao welcomed his lightened mood, but decided not get into whatever that was going on between him and Olivia. "This is the first time Olivia and I would be sitting together alone since after high school. I'm a little nervous actually." He avoided Fitz question.

Fitz noticed Chao didn't answer his question, but went with his flow. "You guys have a lot of history together. I'm sure the two of you would have plenty to talk about." He was a little jealous he didn't have any history with Olivia.

"Well, we would've had it been I never treated her like a jerk in high school." Chao got up and was arranging a bowl of popcorn on his desk.

Fitz tried to take some of the popcorn, but Chao hit his hand. "Gee, what's your problem?" Fitz shouted.

"That's for Olivia. She loves popcorn."

There was a knock on Chao's door, when he opened it was Olivia. "Hello Olivia, you are very early."

Olivia apologized. "Sorry, I can come back later." She hasn't notice Fitz's presence yet.

Chao didn't want her to go back. "No, Fitz was just leaving."

Olivia's heart skipped a million times when she noticed Fitz was with Chao.

Fitz rolled his eyes at James' statement about him leaving. He got up and took his coat. "Yes, I was." Fitz said, walking toward Olivia who was standing at the door.

"Hi." Olivia greeted him nervously.

Fitz intentionally didn't answer her. He just walked pass her like she was a stranger. Olivia fought back tears. She knew Fitz wanted her to open up to him about her past. But she just couldn't give him that much power and knowledge over her life, knowing nothing good was going to come out from it. Notwithstanding, Fitz acting as if he didn't know her or cared about her was more than painful for her to take.

Chao could see the hurt in Olivia's face. He could see her fighting back tears. "Hey." He said to Olivia.

"Hey" Olivia answered and pretended as if she wasn't affected by Fitz's reaction.

"You can have a seat."

"Thank you." Olivia saw the popcorn and smiled, knowing he did that for her.

Chao was very pleased to see a smile on her face. "Oh, that smile." Chao said.

"What smile?" Olivia asked him.

Chao chuckled. "When you saw the popcorn."

Olivia smiled again. "You remembered."

"How can I forget that?"

They were both quiet and didn't know what to say to each other. Chao spoke first. "I'm sorry how I treated you in high…"

Cyrus wanted them to be friends as part of not suspending Fitz. Olivia didn't want to mess that up. She cut him off, "It's OK, that was a long time ago."

Chao studied her for some time. "Are you just saying that because you told Cyrus you'd forgive me just so he wouldn't suspend Fitz?"

Olivia rolled her eyes playfully. "Cyrus wants us to get along. Take what you can get, JC."

Chao smiled widely and welcomed her playful mood. "No one has called me JC for years now. I'm hardly ever calls James these days."

"Sorry." She said, and had an epiphany she has been saying the word sorry all her life.

"No, I miss it actually. I miss you."

Olivia wasn't ready to let him off easily. "I'm sure you miss Sam the football player more."

"Liv, you won't make this easy for me, no?"

Olivia smiled. "Sorry. I am not mad at you. Not anymore. Though I wished I wasn't your patient, but this is life."

"Me too, I wished you weren't a patient. And we would get there someday."

Olivia shrugged indifferently. "That's why I'm here. So you all fine doctors and therapists can help me."

"us fine doctors and therapists? Does this include Fitz?" Chao knew he was pushing a little.

Olivia was completely caught off guard. "What?"

Chao smiled, "You need to see your face right now. What is going on with you two?"

"What do you mean what's going on?" She asked not ready to open up to him.

Chao saw her defense and gave up. "I see you two don't want to talk about it."

Olivia got alerted and curious. "What do you mean, did he say something?"

"Nothing." He answered, trying not to get into their drama in order not to ruin the little progress they just made as old time buddies.

Olivia and Chao talked for some time and recalled many old stories of theirs and laughed over it. They didn't talk about Olivia's treatment at all and Olivia was grateful for that. She hasn't felt this alive in ages. She realized she did miss Chao too. But she needed some closure from him.

"Why did you dump our friendship and became friends with Sam?" Olivia asked him.

"Oh, Olivia. You had no clue I was gay and that I was into Sam." Chao confessed.

"Not everyone has the gay vibes to detect those who are gay, you know."

"I know, and that was wrong on my part. I was still in the closet and trying to come to terms with it."

"You should have told me."

"I know. You were really annoying though. Every hot guy in the school wanted you, but you didn't give them the time of the day, and it hurts because I just wanted them to look my way for once. And since as you hurt Sam's feelings with your rejection, I decided to use that to my advantage and be close to him. I'm sorry about that."

"It's OK now, it hurts for a long time because I didn't know why, but we were teenagers. It's wrong for me to hold that against you now."

James smiled and recalled his past. "It turned out Sam was the worst friend ever. The things I did to please him. And he never got to know I was gay, because I couldn't tell his homophobic ass." He shook his head.

"Good, that's what you get." Olivia teased him.

They both laughed and Chao realized they had been talking for a long time. "Look at the time. Your group session with Fitz started ten minutes ago."

Olivia sighed. "Ugh! I am not really looking forward to it."

"Olivia, it's part of your…." Chao was about to say recovery.

"I know, I know." Olivia got up.

* * *

Fitz looked at his watch when he saw Olivia entering his class. "You are 12 minutes late." He said to Olivia, thereby interrupting Frank, who went down on Olivia some months ago in the parking lot, he was sharing his story with the group.

Olivia could see Fitz was angry. "I am Sorry." She said, looking for a seat.

Fitz was so done with her saying sorry all the time. "I am sorry loses its value when it's been thrown around without its worth of regret." He knew he took it a little too far and the look on Olivia's face confirmed it.

And just like that, Olivia's good time with Chao disappeared. She was about to say something when Fitz brushed her off and asked Frank who was talking before Olivia interrupted to continue with his tale.

It just so happened Frank has been telling the class how he became an addict, and it all started when he was raped by a woman. Olivia wanted somebody to shoot her at that very instant.

Frank continued with his story. "It's kind of interesting in an abstract kind of way that your body can be aroused even though your rational mind is trying to find a way out of the situation. I didn't want it, and yet I had an erection because it's not something you can consciously control….."

Olivia and Fitz looked at each other after Frank said that and Olivia felt like disappearing into thin air due to what she did to Fitz some days ago. She was wondering whether she would be able to sit through Frank's tale.

"….I repeatedly told her no, but that didn't matter. She was like a maniac, and if I even tried to restrain her a little I would have bruised her or something else. So I decided to just laid there. I felt so defeated and I let her do whatever she wanted…"

Olivia's breathing became abnormal. She tried to block-out Frank's voice from her head but couldn't.

Fitz tried his best not to look at Olivia as Frank continued with his story. He was wondering what was going through Olivia's head, but hoping and praying it didn't have a negative effect on her instead.

"…I was disconnected, not in sync with my body, but my brain was in overdrive mode, so it did its own thing and we both came. I did not want her or the intimacy. I went to the police and they didn't even investigate, saying since as it was a girl doing it to a guy it wasn't rape because I had an erection and even came in it all, and it should be something I should be proud of. My friends made fun of me so much that I attempted to commit suicide. There's this myth that a guy can't be rape by a woman. If a woman says no and you go ahead anyway, whether you are married or unmarried, it's rape, but if a man says no and the woman forces him it isn't? And they expect you as a man not to be traumatized by the experience because only women are allowed to do that?" Frank ranted, and then laid more emphasis on his following statement, "IT DESTROYED ME….. "

Olivia closed her eyes, bent down her head and covered her face with her palms. Frank just described exactly what she put Fitz through, and he may be traumatized because of her. She desperately needed some air to breathe.

Frank kept on talking. "…This is what got me addicted to sex. I sex every woman as if I'm paying them back for what she did to me. You guys should have seen her. It seems she was really tempting me to fight back or hit her. Can you imagine trying to be a gentleman in a situation like that? It took all my strength and will power to allow myself to be raped by her."

Fitz could see Olivia was suffocating, and he couldn't take it. He checked his phone as if he just got a text message. He later on made an excuse for Olivia to leave the class. "Olivia, I think James wants to see you now."

Olivia was so grateful. She left the class in a hurry and went outside to breathe. She later on learned Chao wasn't looking for her and that was Fitz liberating her at that moment.

* * *

Olivia knew Fitz was still mad at her and it was eating her up badly. He might have saved her in the class, but that didn't mean he has forgiven her. The thought of Fitz really hating her was something she couldn't take. She went to Fitz's office to talk to him.

Olivia entered Fitz's office. "How may I help you today?" He asked her without even a glance at her.

Olivia desperately wanted Fitz to just look at her. She folded her hands together, trying to hold herself from crumbling. "Thanks for letting me out for some air in your class earlier." She spoke in a very soft and apologetic voice.

"There's nothing to thank me for. I was just doing my job. I saw a patient needed air to breathe and I asked her to get it." Fitz answered, concentrating on whatever he was writing as if her soft apologetic voice wasn't breaking his heart.

"I know my sorry has no meaning anymore, but I am truly sorry for what I did to you in the forest the other day."

Fitz told himself to be strong, and the only way for him to do that was not to look at her. "I've heard you, you can go now." He dismissed her, still without a glance.

Olivia's heart shattered. The tears that were building behind her eyes came running down her face. She walked closer to his desk. "Please don't be like this, you're killing me. I don't know why, but I really can't take you shutting me out. Please!" She begged.

Fitz stood up from his desk, mad as hell now and fighting back tears. "And you think I can take you shutting me out? Or being used just like your sex toy that you can play with when you need to be scratched? Olivia, I lo... I care about you, but you won't open up to me so we can help you, I am fad up. I can't keep pleasing you any longer. So if you don't mind... "

 _Give him that much power over you or let him be mad at you_? Olivia contemplated with herself and came to the realization she couldn't take the later. "My rapist did the same thing I did to you in the forest." Olivia said and Fitz stopped talking.

"It was exactly what I did to you in the forest. He was one of my mom's boyfriends. I was sixteen." She placed her palm on her forehead due to a sudden headache. "I struggled with him, but later on giving in and even asked him to keep going until I had an orgasm." She was struggling to control her sobbing, she decided to sit down on a chair not far from her.

Still crying, she continued, "I can't forgive myself for it. I've tried, but I just can't. I did that to you because I didn't want to be a victim anymore. I was trying to take back power, to feel empowered, but I'm more miserable than ever before. I haven't been able to sleep since that day in the forest because I know you're mad at me, which you have every right to be. But how do I make things right with you?" She looked at Fitz with watery face.

Fitz walked toward her, but stopped because she started talking again.

"I can't forgive my rapist, how do I expect you to forgive me? And you know what is really sick and diabolic about me?" She decided to bear it all out for Fitz. She looked him straight in the eyes. "When I'm really down and low, I sometimes craved the high I felt from the rape. I mean, who does that?" She covered her face with her hands, crying out, ashamed admitting that out loud.

Fitz couldn't keep from breaking down too. He felt her pain and at that very moment he fully comprehended how damage Olivia was. He wiped the tears running down on his face, and then asked her. "How did your mom react when she found out?"

Olivia was a little relieve Fitz didn't concentrate on her last statement. She uncovered her face, but seemed to be far away in another universe. "She never loved me. I know that, but for her to hit me and blamed me for it was something I never expected."

Fitz ran his hands through his hair in astonishment. "Oh, baby!" He voiced out sorrowfully in tears, but felt like punching the wall. He walked close to the wall and just pressed his knuckles hard against the wall, trying not to explode.

Olivia's state of mind was still in another universe. "I told her I was sorry, that I didn't mean for it to happen, but she blamed me for everything, for my dad leaving, for my dad's other family, for her suffering and everything. No matter what I did she kept saying I can't do anything right. She's right about all those things too. I've tried to kill myself many times, but even that I couldn't do right too. I know I didn't try hard enough to please her. I never should've wrapped my legs around him when he asked me to, and maybe I never would've had an orgasm with him. But what would've changed? I keep asking myself this and I still don't know the answer."

Fitz then recalled Olivia's panic attack was triggered when he asked her to wrap her legs around him when they were making love, because her rapist asked her to wrap her legs around him when he was raping her.

He cleaned the tears on his face as much as he could, then walked to her and knelt down where she was seated. "Baby, it's not your fault. I really hope you get to believe everything that happened to you wasn't your fault. You have to understand this fast or else it's going to destroy you more than what you've already been through, you'd never find peace."

Olivia stared at Fitz for a long time, not being able to control her sobbing spasm. But she forced herself to speak. "My mom... is always mad at me... and... it hurts, but you...you being mad at me... hurt...hurt a lot more." She wiped the tears from her eyes. "Pleaseee... don't be... mad at me anymore. I...I...I really can't... take it. I'm begging you. I need you... to... forgive me. Please!" She broke down in tears again.

Fitz closed the gap between them and hugged her tight. They were both in tears now. "I wasn't really mad at you." He said to her on his arm. "You've been controlling my every thought since I met you. I was just trying to gain back control, my reason for acting mad. The truth of my matter is I've already forgiven you for whatever thing you can do to me now and in the future."

Fitz forced Olivia to look at him. He wiped away her tears, and held her head with both hands. "I need you to understand this, these past few days that I have been avoiding you, I've craved the pleasure I felt when you were on top of me in the forest. That doesn't mean what you did wasn't wrong nor does it make a diabolical person because I craved that high in a situation like that, it just mean I am merely human. There are things we can't control. So what happened with your rapist or the thought after that isn't your fault nor does it make you a monster. You hear me?" He asked her, but Olivia didn't answer him. He repeated himself, "You hear me?"

Olivia shook her head.

 **I HOPE THIS CHAPTER WAS SATISFYING.**

 **PS: I AM NOT THAT BAD AS MY BRAIN. I JUST CAN'T CONTROL WHAT GOES ON IN THERE. WHY AM I EXPLAINING THIS? I HAVE NO IDEA. LOL**


	9. Chapter 9

**THIS CHAPTER IS ALL OVER THE PLACE AND FEELS A LITTLE RUSHED. PLEASE LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS.**

Fitz and Olivia hugged each other until they were both calm. Opening up to Fitz made Olivia felt like the weight of the world has been lifted off her shoulders. Baring her soul out to Fitz seemed like the best therapy ever. The fact that Fitz was much perceived of her pain than pitied her was something she was very pleased about.

She exhaled a long breath and hugged Fitz tighter. There was a level of peace and happiness deep inside her that she couldn't explain. Olivia knew at that very instant she wasn't the same Olivia Pope. She believed she has been revived and it was all due to Fitz, and straightway she felt cured. She found herself sleepy and a little lightheaded, but in a good kind of way.

Fitz could see Olivia was tired and sleepy. He pulled back from their hug and looked at her deeply to get her attention. When certain Olivia was with him, he asked her to take her to her room and she complied.

Fitz took Olivia to her room and insisted she get some sleep. Olivia pleaded for him not to leave. "Please don't leave me," she begged him.

He smiled and assured her when she got up, he'd be right there with her. "I'm not going anywhere. Just get some rest, OK?"

Olivia shook her head in acceptance, laid on her bed and dozed off immediately. Fitz stood to his words and didn't leave. He took a chair and brought it close to Olivia's bed and sat on it. Fitz promised himself at that very moment to cheer Olivia up no matter what. He vowed he was going to do everything in his power to make Olivia feel worthy of living.

He could hear her snoring faintly and thought it was the best sound ever. He was certain when he tells her she snored she wasn't going to believe him. He took out his phone and recorded her snoring. After he was satisfied with his recording, he leaned back in his seat, just staring at Olivia.

Olivia slept for almost two hours, when she got up, she saw Fitz dozing off too with his mouth wide opened. She smiled at the sight of him and was just admiring how pretty he looked.

She was staring absentmindedly at Fitz that she didn't notice he was awake. "You are staring." He took her by surprise.

Olivia was startled and looked downward immediately. "Sorr…I didn't mean to," She said, a little embarrassed.

"It's OK. I stared at you while you were sleeping too. Do you know you snore?" Fitz teasingly asked her.

She looked at Fitz and her little embarrassment disappeared. "No, I do not," She answered with a smile, very sure of herself.

"Yes, you do." Fitz insisted, with a charming smile of his own.

"No, I….."

"Okay, lemme settle this. I knew you weren't going to believe me." Fitz said and took out his phone and played Olivia what he recorded.

She burst into laughter. "Oh my God! You weirdo, you did not just record me sleeping." She playfully threw her pillow at him.

"Yes, I did." He threw her pillow back at her.

Olivia felt very alive. She got up on her bed, folded her legs and sat on top of it, then accused him. "Do you know you sleep with your mouth wide opened?"

"No, I do not."

"Yes, you do."

"Prove it." Fitz challenged her.

Olivia didn't have any prove. "I am not a weirdo, so I didn't take a picture or anything."

They both laughed so hard and Fitz noticed this was the first time he has seen Olivia laughing. She was just too pretty when laughing, Fitz thought. He wanted to talk to her about her treatment, but decided to let her be happy for as long as she could.

He asked her if she was hungry. She said she was starving. He told her he'd take her somewhere for food.

"But I am not allowed to leave the center." Olivia reminded him.

"No, it's within this center. This place is very huge. We won't be going out of the center." He playfully taped the top of Olivia's nose with a finger.

She jumped out of her bed happily like a little kid. "Let me freshen up then."

"I'll go and freshen up too. Pick you up in how many minutes?" Fitz stood up from his chair.

"I won't take long. By the time you get back, I'd be done."

Fitz was a little skeptical. "Are you sure you'll be ready? You know, women, when it comes to time and….."

Olivia pushed him out of her room. "Go now. I promise."

Fitz left and Olivia shut her door and leaned with her back against the door. She was smiling so much that she embarrassed herself. She covered her face with palms and then ran and climbed on top of her bed, jumped up and down in happiness like a little kid before heading for the shower.

* * *

It has been days, and James was a little worried because Olivia and Fitz were spending too much time together. He noticed Fitz's activities were all centered around Olivia. He also discerned how giddy Olivia has become recently.

Chao decided to confide in Cyrus about it. He believed whatever that was going on between Olivia and Fitz might be problematic to Olivia's recovery.

They were in Cyrus' office. "Olivia's recovery could be stalling." He told Cyrus.

"What makes you say that?" Cyrus asked him.

"She and Fitz have been spending too much time together."

Cyrus wasn't pleased with this new revelation. "I've told them to stay away from each other after he slept with her. How come I didn't know about this?"

Chao was more worried about Fitz and Olivia than Cyrus being kept in the dark. "Just some days ago Olivia greeted Fitz, but he didn't answer her. She was literally fighting back tears, and now all of a sudden they're buddies?"

"I hope they are not sleeping together?" Cyrus asked.

Chao was certain Fitz wouldn't risk that again. "I don't think so. But Olivia is just too happy these days, not that it's a bad thing or anything. I just feel like there might be chaos ahead for her."

Cyrus tried to reason out what might be going on between Fitz and Olivia. "Fitz's explanation of sleeping with her was he wanted her to experience what lovemaking feels like," Cyrus said, then thought for a while before adding. "Maybe Olivia loved the lovemaking too much that she believes she's now cured because she prefer him than what she has been used to?"

"I don't know."

"If so, then that must have been one lovemaking experience for her."

Chao chuckled. "I really can't believe Fitz put his career on the line by sleeping with her."

"Say that again. I thought he was impotent. I mean, I tested the guy with every method and women possible, but he didn't budge, only for Olivia to come and prove me wrong within a twinkle of an eye." Cyrus took a sip of his scotch.

"Olivia is one hell of a girl, I'd tell you that, but I think their attraction to each other run deeper, you know, not just the lust." Chao pointed out.

Cyrus didn't want to think about that. "I don't want to know. I just don't want them spending time together."

"I know I am worried about them spending too much time together, but do you think them not spending time together is the best option for Olivia?" He asked Cyrus.

"I'm not sure, but I know it's the best option for this center. We have to make sure Olivia is on the right track in her recovery, that's the reason she is here for." The solution to be sure Olivia was in the right track popped into Cyrus' head. "We have to send Olivia a sex-worker, so she knows she's not cured or anything. Olivia being too attached to Fitz could only mean one thing. She is shadowing her addiction for meantime, thinking she is cured, not knowing she is avoiding dealing with it all together by concentrating on her new found happiness. The only way for us to solve this is to make sure she knows she is still an addict."

Chao accepted Cyrus proposal. "So we send her a sex-worker then."

Fitz was entering Cyrus' office when Chao said that. "Who are we sending a sex-worker?" He asked them.

"Olivia," Chao answered.

Fitz was more than pissed at them. "She's doing fine. She's not going through any withdrawal or I should've known. We've been spending a lot of time together with no such thing as even kissing,"

Okay, truth be told there have been few times Fitz could see in Olivia's eyes how badly she wanted him, and he has been working really hard to control his own desires. But he knew Olivia was in a good place.

James interrupted Fitz' thought, "Olivia might be replacing her addiction with you instead." He accused Fitz.

"No, she's not. She hasn't tried anything with me. We've been talking constantly, especially through text messages and she hasn't said or texted anything that shows otherwise."

Cyrus stepped in. "Since you guys have been spending a lot of time together, when will she be visiting her mother?"

"We haven't talked about that." Fitz answered.

"But yet you guys have been spending a lot of time together. I specifically told you, you can only do that if related to her treatment." Cyrus yelled. "So, what have you been doing with her?"

Fitz has been trying his best to cheer Olivia up and didn't want to upset her by diving into the mother territory too soon. He wanted her to be happy for a while longer. "I don't want to upset her, when the time comes she'll bring the topic about her mother herself."

"Since when did you start putting an addict's feeling over their recovery?" Cyrus challenged Fitz, very pissed.

James decided to intervene. "Fitz, you are the reason for Olivia's happiness at the moment. Her happiness shouldn't come from you, it should come from herself. We know she tried hurting herself several times before, don't you think she might try that again if one day you hurt her or stop caring?"

"I'm never going to hurt her or stop caring," Fitz answered quickly.

"We all want what's best for her. And that's for us to make sure she's on the recovery path."

"I know that, but she's not ready to meet her mom nor needs a sex-worker at the moment. Let's give her some time. She's in a happy place right now."

Cyrus couldn't believe his ears. "And what happy place is that, living in denial? Since you two are good buddies, you are to take her to her mother so they sit and have a talk or two. Making peace with her mother is part of her recovery."

"I know that, Cy, but how do you suppose I do that? I can't force her there." Fitz shouted at Cyrus.

Cyrus laughed, but without humor "I'm sure you'll come up with a way. For the meantime, we'll send a sex-worker to her, so she washes you off her system."

Fitz felt like punching Cyrus in the face, but decided to try the calmer approach. "Cyrus, this is not a good idea, I'm telling you. This is going to destroy her when she gives in, please!"

"We destroy so we can build. My decision is final. And make sure you stay away from her until after the sex worker so you can take her to her mother."

* * *

Olivia has noticed some slight changes with her interaction with Fitz. They didn't text as before, and he was always busy these days, but she decided not to look too much into it.

She was passing by when she saw Jerry seated in a corner drawing. "Hey, Jerry, waddup?"

Jerry looked at her and shook his head, not in a cheerful mood. "Waddup?"

"I thought that's how people your age say it these days."

Jerry didn't answer her, he concentrated on his drawing.

Olivia was a little worried since as Jerry love teasing her. She went and sat next to him. "Jerry, what's the matter?"

"Nothing." He answered.

"C'mon Jerry, I thought we were friends, you can tell me what's going on. She pushed him slightly with her shoulder. "A problem shared is half solved, you know."

Jerry looked at her for a while, then said, "You and my dad."

Olivia was caught off guard, but pretended as if she didn't know what Jerry was insinuating. "What do you mean me and your dad?"

"What's going on with you two?"

"Nothing is going on."

"Don't lie to me. I am not a kid."

"I am not lyin….."

"Do you like him?"

Olivia didn't know the answer to give Jerry because he seemed not to be happy about her and his dad. She didn't want to lie to him too because she liked Fitz more than a lot. It just occurred to her that Fitz was married to Jerry's mom. Olivia could feel her soul crushing, thinking how selfish she has been. She never for once thought of Fitz's wife since she booked in there, which meant she has been fornicating with a married man, not that it was new or anything, but this was Jerry's mom and she wouldn't want to hurt him. Fitz never mentioned his wife to her too which was now very confusing. She was thinking this might be the reason why things have been strange between herself and Fitz.

Olivia could feel tears forming in her eyes without her control. "Is this about your mom?" She asked Jerry.

Jerry made a strange face. "No, they're divorced."

Olivia let out a long breath of relief she didn't know she was holding. "They are, since when?"

"You didn't know?"

Olivia didn't answer Jerry. She wanted to know why he has a problem with them. "If this isn't about your mom, then what is it then?"

Jerry went back drawing. "You are my only friend here and now my dad is taking you away from me."

Olivia was about laughed out, but held it in. "Jerry, you know people are allow to have more than one friend, right?"

"I know, but if you two starts….. Auntie Abby?" Jerry got distracted.

"What?" Olivia then saw Abby. She literally rushed and gave her a big hug. "What are you doing here?" She asked Abby.

Abby wanted to surprise her. "Well, since as you didn't miss me to call I decided to be the bigger person." Abby said, then extending her arms to hug Jerry. "Oh my God, you are so tall. When was the last time I saw you?" She asked Jerry

"Long time" Jerry laughed at Abby brushing his hair with her fingers.

Abby was curious why Jerry was there on a school day. "So, what are you doing here, aren't you suppose to be in school?"

"Here for the same reason as Olivia." Jerry answered.

Abby gasped. "You're too young for this, Jerry. Like father, like son then?"

"I guess, though my dad has retired. I'm just trying to keep his legacy alive."

Olivia and Abby chuckled.

"So, where did you know Olivia?" Jerry asked Abby.

"She made me come here," Olivia answered before Abby could.

Jerry was happy to hear that. "You did? Awesome, I never would've met her if not of you then." He said to Abby.

"Are you two friends?" Abby asked them.

"I wanted to be more than a friend, but she prefers my dad instead."

"Jerry!" Olivia shouted out in embarrassment because Abby was going to think too much into her and Fitz.

Abby looked at Olivia, "Oh, really."

"Abby, there's nothing going on," Olivia quickly defended herself.

Jerry rolled his eyes. "Oh, please, you should see the way they look at each other."

"Okay, bye kiddo." Olivia pushed Jerry away, insinuating he leaves.

"But you promise…."

"Bye Jerry, happy?"

"Better." Jerry said and left.

After Jerry left, Abby was giving Olivia one of those looks that said a lot without a sound.

Olivia Knew her whole body would be bloody red if she was white. "What?" She asked her, wanting her to stop with the look.

Abby surrendered with both hands up, "I didn't say anything. Though I heard he's divorced."

"How is work" Olivia changed the topic.

"Jake is still my boss."

"I was trying to change the topic, but you're going to a territory I don't want to know. So, another topic how is Leo?"

"Still alive, but I'm not here for that. Look at you, you look happy and healthy and your body is glowing. I guess this place is really good."

"Yes, it is. I love it here. Thank you for making me come."

"Don't thank me. I remembered you almost died because of me." Abby brought up Olivia's suicide attempt.

Olivia looked away, very ashamed, "I'm sorry."

Abby wanted to slap herself in the face for bringing that up. She decided to lighten things up. "I'd like to say hi to Fitz."

"Abby!"

"I'm not going to eat the man. Why don't you take me to his office?" She wrapped her arm around Olivia's. They walked a little further before she changed her mind. "Better yet, I'd like to see him alone."

"Fine then, when you are done, I am in my room."

 **XXX**

Abby entered Fitz's office and could tell he wasn't in a good mood. But she noticed he was very happy to see her.

"Abby, long time. thank God you are here." He got up and greeted her.

"Glad to see Olivia is doing fine. She looks well relaxed and healthy.

"Right?" Fitz asked more of an agreement than a question. "But Cyrus and James what to mess that up."

"What do you mean?" Abby asked him.

Fitz explained everything to Abby, him making love to Olivia and how Cyrus and Chao were going to send Olivia a sex-worker so Olivia washed him off her system. The last part hurt him a lot.

Abby listened carefully to Fitz's explanation, but understood where Cyrus and James were coming from. She told Fitz if the sex-worker was going to help Olivia, then he should understand and be supportive. But Fitz couldn't picture Olivia with another man.

"I don't like the idea one bit." He stated.

"I know you have feelings for Olivia, but if this wasn't Olivia, put somebody else in her place. What will you recommend?"

"Almost the same thing, but I just want them to give her more time. She's doing so well right now."

"Like Cyrus and James said, maybe she thinks she's doing well. But if sleeping with a sex-worker is going to set her mind right so she takes her treatment serious, then the long term benefit is better." Abby wanted to know more about Fitz putting his career at risk, "But I can't believe you mad love to her."

"I wish I say I regret it, but seriously if I go back in time I'd do it again. I love her, Abby."

"You what?" Abby asked in excitement.

"Yes, Abby, I love Olivia. I've never felt like this before, not even with Mellie. But I can't tell Olivia this because it might mess her treatment up instead. I just have to wait until she's cured."

"Wow Fitz, I am so happy to hear this. Olivia does deserve unconditional love." Abby knew this was going to be the hardest secret to keep from Olivia.

"I just hope one day she gets to love me too. I know it's hard for a sex addict to distinguish because lust and love."

"The more reason for her to be on her recovery path, so she can distinguish between the two fast, and if the sex-worker is the way to go…"

"Abby, I know, but imagine the love of your life sleeping with another man." Fitz couldn't hide his pain. "James and Cyrus both asked me to avoid her so she could easily give in to the sex-worker."

Abby felt bad for him. "Fitz, you have to be strong, not only for yourself but for Olivia too."

"I know, Abby, I know I'm being selfish here. One more thing, I need to take her to her mom. I don't know how to start that conversation with her, not after how her mom treated her."

Abby was surprised. "She talked to you about her mom? Her family is a scared topic to talk about. I tried one time and she literally shut down. I've never tried again."

"It wasn't easy for me to get that out of her too, but she finally did. If this was just up to me, I won't want her near them at all, but she has to make peace with her mother if she really wants to find inner peace."

* * *

Olivia was now certain Fitz has been avoiding her on purpose and it hurt a lot, maybe too much because she has no clue what she did. And the fact that Fitz has been too busy when she wanted to talk about it or just to know how he was doing was becoming cumbersome.

Fitz knew the plan was to avoid Olivia so she felt rejected, thereby making it easy for her to give in to the sex-worker, but even knowing the plan didn't make his action toward Olivia any less painful.

 **xxx**

Today was the day the sex-worker has to strike a friendship with Olivia and thereby sleeping with her. Cyrus, Chao and Fitz picked their best sex-worker who was invested in the art, but not too emotional to get attached to their target. Fitz went personally to him and warned him to be gentle with Olivia.

The sex-worker's goal was to make sure he had sex with Olivia if and only when she gave her consent. He was to leave her alone if she said no. And also, Olivia shouldn't have any knowledge about his job and intentions.

He went to Olivia and immediately he laid eyes on her he was captivated by her. He wanted to find out what was so unique about Olivia that made Fitz warned him privately behind Chao and Cyrus' backs.

He found himself drooling at every word coming out of Olivia's mouth and felt something special for her.

He did everything as planned and they were now heading to Olivia's place. He wanted to go inside, but Olivia said she was tired and needed rest. He was to leave Olivia alone at this moment, but he insisted and promised Olivia he wasn't going to try anything that he just loved her company. Being the nice person Olivia was who hated telling people no, decided to let him in.

Immediately has they were in inside, he tried to kiss her neck, but she shifted away from him. He gave Olivia one of his charming smile and attempted again. Olivia decided to give him a try, just to compare with Fitz. He then kissed her mouth, but Olivia didn't feel anything. She then asked him to stop, but he was too turned on to listen.

He tried to force himself on Olivia. She took a vase that was close to her and hit him in the head. Blood was flowing out of the guy's head like water.

Olivia was in shock and didn't know what to do. She dialed Fitz's number and he picked on the first ring. "Olivia?" Fitz answered immediately.

"I think I just killed someone. I don't know what to do. Should I call the Cops?" She rushed through her words in panic.

"Calm down. Don't do anything. I'll be right there."

Fitz called Cyrus and Chao and they all left to Olivia's place. When they got there he saw Olivia next to the guy on the floor and rushed to her while Cyrus and James checked on the sex-worker.

"I asked him to stop, but he wouldn't listen." Olivia said in Fitz's arm.

"It's OK. Everything is going to be fine." He comforted her.

An ambulance arrived some minutes later. Fitz asked Olivia to stay put as he joined Cyrus and James with the paramedics outside. They were all happy to hear the guy was going to be fine.

They went back to Olivia's room to make sure she was OK too. They informed her the guy was going to be fine.

Olivia was glad to her hear she didn't kill him. A smile appeared on her face and she said, "I did it."

"What?" Fitz asked, confused why the situation was amusing to her.

She smiled with happiness again, and felt alive. "I did it. I've never been able to say no. I did, and I fought back. I did it, Fitz." She wriggled happily.

Chao and Cyrus did a quick check up on her to be sure she was normal in the head. When they were certain she was OK, Fitz asked Cyrus and Chao to excuse them. Cyrus didn't want to go, but Chao pushed him outside.

Olivia and Fitz were now alone. He pointed at a chair for Olivia to sit down. He then apologized to her, saying he has been avoiding her on purpose. He also told her the guy was a sex-worker and they sent him to her in order to test her.

Olivia stood up from her seat. "I nearly killed him. Why would you guys do that without telling me?"

"Had it been we told you it was a test you would've been prepared for it. Cyrus and James wanted to make sure you know you're still addict."

"So, did I pass the test?" Olivia asked Fitz happily, certain she did.

"They say you are now addicted to me."

Olivia chuckled. "Can someone be addicted to a person?"

"Would you have asked me to stop or hit in the head had it been I didn't, like what you did to that guy?"

"Yes." Olivia answered firmly.

Fitz walked closer to her "Are you sure?" He sniffed her naked and Olivia closed her eyes.

"Yes." She answered huskily.

"Really, would you have asked me to stop?" He brought his mouth close to hers.

Olivia couldn't resist but went in for a kiss. Fitz stepped back from her, giving her a questioning look. "You knew I was testing you, even with that knowledge you couldn't resist the urge?"

Olivia shrugged. "It just means I prefer you."

"Olivia, if I hurt you one day or treat you badly you'll quickly go back abusing your body or even worst harm yourself. You have to be independent in a way that no man can have control over you because right now, I do."

Olivia was quiet, she stared at Fitz for a while, "I am in love you. I love you" She said to Fitz

Fitz wished he was certain Olivia loved him and not just saying that due to lust, but he wasn't certain. "You are replacing your addiction with me instead, and it isn't healthy."

"But isn't it better than what I've been doing? I just said I love you, won't you say anything about that? I've never said this to anyone." She felt very vulnerable saying that out loud.

"Say that to me after you are cured and I'll jump up for joy. What you feel for me at the moment is just lust not love."

 **EDITING NEXT CHAPTER ALREADY. GOD WILLING, IT WOULD BE UP NEXT WEEK.**


	10. Chapter 10

**I LOVE THIS CHAPTER VERY MUCH. I REALLY DO.**

Fitz was pacing in Olivia's room talking about her treatment plan, while Olivia just stood there lifeless, looking at him. "We need to stop spending too much time together like Cyrus and James said." He said to Olivia without looking at her. He continued, "You have to make other friends here. You have to develop healthy relationships with others. Also, try to be really involve with whatever tasks that will be assigned to you."

Olivia refused to cry. She just told Fitz she loves him, but he thought she was saying it because she wasn't normal in the head. She has never uttered those words to anyone in her life. Shouldn't that count to how serious she was, and how come the first person she uttered it to give her distanced and coldness in returned.

Fitz was still pacing, he was actually nervous. He was looking for a way to bring her mother into his speech, but seemed not to find the right second to do it. "You have to start a one on one therapy session with both James and Cyrus." He said, scared to look at her. "I won't do the one on one session with you because of obvious reasons. But you have to be more open and sharing in my class." He was definitely stalling bringing up the subject about visiting her mother.

Olivia was quietly listening to him without saying a word in returned. She was waiting for him to finish with his instructions so he could leave her room. She promised herself she was never ever going to utter a word to him again.

Fitz finally gathered the courage, "You have to look for a day to visit your mom in prison. I will go with you if you want."

Olivia quickly broke her promise on never talking to Fitz again because she was more than pissed. "I will never. She can rot there for all I care." She said angrily to him.

Fitz stopped pacing and looked at her now. He tried to make her see reason, "Honey…"

"Don't you dare honey me. Since you're done with your instructions you can leave my room now."

"Olivia, this is all part of your treatment."

"I accept the plan you've laid down. I am going to stay away from you. I am going to make other friends here. I am going to start a one on one therapy session with James and Cyrus. I am going to be really involved in whatever task that's assigned to me. I'm going to share more in your class. But I won't be visiting my mom and that's my decision. You can't make me do otherwise," She yelled at him.

Fitz tried to speak calmly in return, "Olivia, if you want to be completely cured you have to sort things out with your mother. You have to make peace with your past, you cannot change what has been done, but you have to make peace with it. If you really love me, you will do it for me, please."

"Well, I don't love you anymore."

"Then you just proved my point you never did. Love is not something you can turn on and off within minutes."

"Fine, your point well proven, I never loved you. Now leave my room."

"Olivia…"

"Leave now." She screamed

* * *

Cyrus was waiting for Olivia in his office, to start his one on one session with her. James asked him to apologize for what the sex-worker tried to do to her.

Olivia entered his office, trying her best to be cordial, even though she didn't want to, "Good morning,"

"Good morning Olivia, how are you feeling today?" Cyrus asked and offered her a seat.

She sat down and gave Cyrus a cheeky respond, "I don't know, aren't you the therapist? You tell me."

"I can see you're still mad about the incident of yesterday."

"Should I be over it by now, is there a time frame for that?"

"You have every right to feel the way you do."

Olivia rolled her eyes and gave him a sarcastic reply, "Thank God I made some progress."

Cyrus decided to pause for a while and just stared at her, he then said, "This runs deeper than Andrew tying to force himself on you, because you were happy about what you did to him yesterday. Does Fitz have something to do with your current anger?"

Olivia didn't want to hear Fitz's name. "Can you start with my therapy session already?"

"The session is actually going on." Cyrus answered her.

She sighed lightly and rolled her eyes again.

"Olivia, on behalf of this center, I am deeply sorry for what Andrew, the sex-worker put you through. And he has been dealt with. Please accept our sincere apology."

Olivia never thought Cyrus was the apology kind of guy. She gave Cyrus' apology a full deliberation for a while and got calmer in the process. "Thank you. Apology accepted. How is he doing?" She was genuinely concerned about the sex-worker.

"He is OK, the cut wasn't deep. The fact that you cared how he's doing after what he tried to do to you says a lot about you."

"What?"

"You're a good person, a kind one."

She breathed out heavily. "My brain is being evaluated at this very moment, where has my goodness or kindness gotten me?"

"Therapy is not meant for bad people, you know. By the way congratulation for passing your first test. Your progress is estimable."

"I still feel like shit so I don't know what progress you're talking about."

"Interesting." Cyrus said to her.

Olivia was amused and mad at the same time. "What's interesting about me feeling like shit?"

Cyrus handed her a pamphlet, "Read this out loud for me."

Olivia made a face at Cyrus.

"It's part of your therapy session. Today we will be talking about self-esteem. You said you still feel like shit. Read it out loud for me, please!." Cyrus insisted politely.

"Fine" Olivia took the pamphlet from Cyrus, "Here we go; Self-esteem is the degree to which we feel confident, consider ourselves valuable, and respect ourselves. Self-esteem exists on a continuum, from high to low. Low self-esteem is associated with self-criticism, self-doubt, social isolation, suppressed anger, shame and worthlessness. Low self-esteem is also a symptom of several mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression…."

"Stop there." Cyrus said to her. "Do you relate to any of the descriptions?

Olivia was quiet like for eternity. Her eyes were filled with tears now, "Every single one of them." She said to Cyrus.

"Olivia, you should know the negative messages in her head are rarely true. You are not worthless. Would you ever call anyone worthless?"

"No."

"Then you should never consider yourself worthless too. Your feelings are coming from a stormy relationship with your parents because there were never there when you were a child."

Olivia chuckled, but without humor at the cliché, "Is this supposed to make me feel better by excusing the way I feel because it isn't my fault?"

"All I'm trying to tell you is your emotions or what you are feeling are not a product of your own intrinsic badness, but a natural response to a chaotic childhood. I want you to rationally evaluate your strengths and weaknesses and clarify your own valves and needs so you can construct a positive, adult sense of self."

Olivia was thinking Cyrus could be up to something formative. "How do I do that?" She asked, very interested.

Cyrus was very pleased with Olivia's interest. He smiled and rested his chin on his knuckles. "This question means you're going to be just fine soon. You should be proud of yourself, Olivia."

Olivia wasn't moved by his constructive remark, "You did not answer my question."

"Sorry, I was just too happy with your progress. First, you need to know you have every right to be happy and it shouldn't be because of somebody. Self love should come from within you. Just for talking sake, your happiness shouldn't come because Fitz cares about you, or smiles nicely, or looks good.

Olivia rolled her eyes and wished she never met Fitz.

"Tell me six things you love about yourself. I'll start with one. You're a kind person, it is left with four.

Olivia breathed deeply and thought of some of her qualities she likes. "I'm thoughtful of others."

"Yes, that's true. You are caring, even though Andrew tried to force himself on you you still cared how he was doing." Cyrus said to her.

"I'm a giver." She said, then thought for a while. "I think this is complicated because I sometimes give things I shouldn't."

They both chuckled due her being a sex addict.

She continued, "I have a weird sense of humor."

"True, the 'I'm a giver and sometimes I give things I shouldn't,' was weirdly funny."

"I'm a good listener," She was thinking of one more.

"It's left with just one." Cyrus said to her.

"Emm… I am friendly."

Cyrus was pleased with her participation. "I'm sure there are many you can add to the list." He smiled at her. "Now, anytime your brain is trying to criticize you telling you how worthless you are, think of the things you are proud of about yourself."

Cyrus continued, "Is there anything you love to do, but scared to do it? Think deeply, I am sure there's something."

"I once loved painting and drawing, but ever since I saw my mom in a threesome with one of the guys who later raped me, I've been unable to paint or draw. I've tried, but I keep seeing images of them in the act."

"Let's talk about your mom and that incident."

"Can we not?" She pleaded.

"OK, when you're ready. But promise me to try and paint or draw something, anything this week. Can you promise me that?

"I will try, but I can't promise."

"Thank you, I'd take you trying. That would be all for the day."

* * *

Days passed by and Olivia stood her grounds. She continued to do everything in Fitz's plan apart from agreeing to see her mother. She stayed away from Fitz which drove him crazy. Fitz now understood what Olivia went through when he gave her the cold shoulders because she wouldn't open up to him.

Fitz was more than heartbroken with his present relationship with Olivia, but he knew it was for a greater good. He was glad Olivia was taking her treatment seriously.

He was more pissed at Chao and Cyrus, whom he was with presently, due to the fact that he begged them not to send a sex-worker to Olivia but they didn't listen, thereby putting Olivia in a dangerous situation.

Cyrus was talking about Olivia's progress, "Olivia is doing well. I had my session with her some days ago and she shows a lot of improvement," He told Fitz and James.

"My one on one session with her is after this meeting," James said. "Fitz, has she agreed visiting her mother?" He asked Fitz.

Fitz desperately needed someone to save him from the meeting he was having with them because he couldn't stand them, and just to his luck, Shaw, the therapist who advised Olivia to come to the Beerne center instead of where he worked came to visit them.

Fitz has never been this happy to see Shaw before. He got up from his seat to greet him. "Shaw, nice to see you, what are you doing here?" He deliberately ignored James' question.

"I was just in the area and I decided to stop by," Shaw answered, and got soaked into a conversation with James and Cyrus instead.

Fitz didn't want to be rude, so he sat quietly and listened to them talk.

Shaw saw how down and disconnected Fitz looked, "Fitz is everything OK?"

Cyrus answered before Fitz could open his mouth, "He's fine, he's just sad he is no longer friends with a patient." Cyrus said, then remembered Shaw was the one who advised Olivia to try his center because Olivia didn't want to see Chao and Fitz at the time. "Wait, you know Olivia right? She's the lady you advise to come here, after her suicide attempt, remember?"

"How can I forget that face? God, the way she looked at me was something I had to mentally talk myself to back off." Shaw reminisced when Olivia told him she wouldn't have said no if he wanted her.

"Tough you," Cyrus said to Shaw. "Some people can't talk themselves out of their desires," He added, indirectly mocking Fitz.

Fitz shook his head and rolled his eyes while Chao chuckled at Cyrus' statement knowing he was dissing Fitz.

Shaw looked at them confused, then he put two and two together. His eyes went to Fitz. "Fitz, you didn't."

Fitz shook his head, "I thought your presence would uplift my spirit, but…" He got up to leave, but just then Olivia was coming in for her session with James.

Shaw saw Olivia. "Is this Olivia?"

Olivia remembered him too. "Dr. Shaw." They hugged each other.

Fitz, James and Cyrus were all staring at Olivia and Shaw's interaction.

"So you are really close friends with these guys?" Olivia asked Shaw.

"Yes, my goodness, you look good and healthy. I told you this place would be good for you."

"Yes, you did and thank you for that."

Olivia and Fitz made eye contact. Fitz tried to smile at her, but Olivia gave her attention back to Shaw.

"We have to catch up like now." Shaw said to Olivia, looking at her lustfully.

Olivia's eyes went to Fitz first, thinking he might not approve of them catching up. The look she saw on his face confirmed it. "Sorry, I have a session with James," She rejected Shaw's request.

Fitz felt good to know Olivia considered his feelings before answering Shaw's lustful request.

Cyrus noticed the pleased look on Fitz face and decided he preferred a frown on his face better, "Olivia, don't worry. You can catch up with Shaw. James will take you after his house-call. Go catch up with Shaw."

James gave Cyrus a suspicious look, "But you and I have a reservation after my house-call

"I'm Cyrus Beerne, I will call and extend the reservation some hours further."

Fitz could see through Cyrus, his eyeballs were beginning to pain him due to him rolling them too much today.

"OK, then let's take a walk outside and catch up." Olivia proposed to Shaw.

As Olivia and Shaw were stepping out, Cyrus asked Shaw back in for some seconds, while Olivia waited for him outside. "Try and flirt with her and see how it goes. It's all part of her treatment." Cyrus said to Shaw.

Fitz couldn't contain his anger. He stepped outside while Cyrus was instructing Shaw what he wanted him to do.

Fitz was now face to face with Olivia, who was outside waiting for Shaw. They were both staring at each other without saying anything.

Fitz spoke first. "I've missed you, Olivia."

Olivia looked away from him and fought back tears due to the fact that she missed him too, but couldn't say that because her feelings boil down to just lust to him. "I'm doing what you ordered, staying away from you," She said to Fitz.

"Livve, it has been days. I didn't say you should stay away from me. I said we were spending too much time together. But we are allowed to talk, just to know how our day went."

"You say potato, I say potahto." Olivia said to him.

Shaw came out and they simultaneously took a step away from each other. "Hey, Fitz." Shaw said to Fitz.

Fitz smiled at him. "You two go catch up." He walked away from them, trying hard not to think how much Olivia and Shaw looked good together.

Shaw extended his arm to her. "So, Olivia, I'd like to know how you've been doing." Olivia smiled at Shaw and wrapped her arm around his.

She turned her head behind and looked at Fitz's direction and saw him looking back at them too. She could tell he was jealous.

Olivia quickly gave her attention to Shaw. "It hasn't been easy, but I like the place I am now. I hope everything works out." She answered Shaw's question

"You look stunning by the way." Shaw smiled as they walked.

"Thank you." Olivia pushed him with her shoulder playfully. "You are not looking bad yourself."

They walked within the center's garden until they were somewhere isolated and quiet. Shaw saw a shady spot and asked Olivia for them to sit there.

"You remember when you told me if I wanted you you wouldn't have said no?"

Olivia remembered. "I do, I was in a bad place in my life back then."

"Are you in a good place now?"

"I really don't know yet, but I feel better now." She answered him.

Shaw adjusted Olivia's hair to the back of her ear. "You are breathtaking. I had to mentally tell myself to back off that day."

Olivia smiled shyly, "Thank you for being such a gentleman that day."

"But I don't want to be a gentle man at the moment." He shifted closer to Olivia.

"Shaw!" Olivia called out in a whisper, a little nervous.

"I'm dying to kiss you." He placed his hand right up Olivia's thigh and brought his mouth closer to hers.

Olivia turned her head away and stood up from her seat.

Shaw stood up too and took some step away from her. "Wow, you are going to be more than OK soon. And I'm sorry about that."

Olivia's brain now registered what she just did and she was shocked too. She couldn't believe Shaw was the second guy she was turning down subconsciously. And what was so amazing was she was somehow attracted to Shaw.

"Wow indeed," She voiced out.

"You just passed a test."

"What you tried to do was a test?" Olivia asked Shaw.

"Yes, but I think it was 50/50. Cyrus asked me to try it since as you refuse the sex-worker, he thought you might give in to someone familiar, but deep down I wanted to do that too."

"Are these tests ever going to end?" Olivia asked him.

"Until when they are certain you are OK."

"Was Fitz aware of the test too?" She asked Shaw.

"Cyrus called me back to ask me to do that. Fitz left and met you outside. I think he wasn't happy with the idea. So, you and Fitz?" Shaw asked Olivia.

Olivia coyly looked away. "What?" She asked him.

"They way you looked at me when we first met is the same way I saw you looking at him."

"Apparently I can't say no to him. And I'm shifting my addiction to him instead."

"Who said that?"

"They all did, including Fitz. I think they are right too. I don't think I would've consciously or unconsciously said no to him in your place."

"Ugh! That hurt," Shaw said playfully.

Olivia chuckled, "Sorry."

"You not being able to say no to him could also mean you're in love with him."

"Yeah, I told him that, but he said what I feel for him is just lust."

"You told him you're in love with him?"

"Yep, but he doesn't feel the same."

"That guy is one lucky dude. From the way he looks at you, he definitely has feelings for you too. But I understand where he's coming from. It is difficult for a sex addict to distinguish between love and lust. If you really love him you have to prove it to him."

"I don't care about that anymore. I just want him out of my system. So I know I'm free of lust or whatever feelings I have for him.

"Then you have to be dedicated to your treatment.

"I am dedicated to my treatment."

"Yet you don't want to talk things out with your mother."

"They told you about that too?"

"Cyrus said I should give it a try. Therapist sometimes shares to see how best they could help their patients."

Olivia was quiet for a while, "I can't face her."

"Why don't you go with someone you trust, like Fitz just for moral support?"

"I don't want any favors from him."

Shaw chuckled, "You really do love him else you wouldn't be this mad at him. I'm sure his feelings for you are deeper too."

"If so, then he has a poor way of showing it."

"Deep down, you know he loves you too. You also know there's nothing you can ask him that he wouldn't do. Give love a try, take your treatment to another level. Go see your mother. You are now interested in just one man, make him be certain of your love by presenting him a complete recovery package."

"I don't want to recover just because of him."

"Now that's the spirit. Just saying that out loud shows you're very close to your recovery, Olivia. Making peace with your past is very important in all this too, even when you're doing it for yourself and not for someone else."

 **XXX**

While Shaw and Olivia were together, Fitz was checking out constantly to see if they were back. He asked someone to keep an eye out and report to him when they were back. He was restless with every minute that went by. He was thinking how Shaw could be irresistible for Olivia. The sex-worker might have been different because Olivia shared no history with him, but Shaw on the other hand was a different case. He knew Shaw was a man of principles, but he also knew he could still use the excuse of testing Olivia to go further. He prayed Olivia truly loves him and tells Shaw about it because Shaw being a man of principles would back off with such information.

Shaw went back and gave Cyrus and James the update of what happened between him and Olivia, and the talk they had. Cyrus told James not to let Fitz in on this information.

* * *

Olivia made up her mind she was going to give the painting and drawing workshop a try after Fitz's class today, certain by then the workshop would be completely empty. She was thinking it'd be terrific if she could paint or draw something today because it'd solidified her mind that she was close to be free of her past. And Cyrus would know she was taking her treatment seriously.

She knew to be completely free she has to get some closure from her mother too. She was now contemplating seeing her mom. She cut all communication with her mother a long time ago. She left home and never looked back, she hasn't spoken or seen her mom since she left for college and that was when she was seventeen.

Many thoughts were running through her head. She was trying to reason why her mother murdered the guy who raped her, because after she told her mom what the guy did to her, she hit her and accused of stealing her boy toy instead.

Olivia was determined to be completely free, and if visiting her mother was going to give her closure and help with her treatment, then she has to do. The truth of the matter was she was more scared of her mother than she hated her. She was certain she couldn't face her alone.

 **XXX**

Fitz was anticipating seeing Olivia in his class today. Cyrus and James were acting coy about Olivia's interaction with Shaw. He thought of calling Shaw and asked him how it went with Olivia, but knew Shaw would be suspicious of his behavior after he walked out of them in Cyrus' office, and also because Cyrus and James were supposed to tell him what happened and not Shaw.

They were in class and he decided for the addicts to share their progress or set back from the past days just so he could get to know what happened between Olivia and Shaw. He asked one after another, and everyone shared lightly without going into details. He let Olivia be the last to share.

Fitz, pretending as if what happened between Shaw and Olivia was part of his lesson today, asked Olivia, "Olivia, Cyrus and James tested you the other day with Shaw, how did it go?"

Olivia rolled her eyes because she knew he intentionally let her be the last person to share for whatever reason she had no idea as of now. "Aren't they your coworker, what don't you ask them yourself?" She answered rudely.

Everyone in the class looked at her and was astonished because she was always very kind and polite. She has never been disrespectful to anyone before.

Olivia saw everyone's attention on her and apologized, "I'm sorry," She said, but didn't want to give Fitz the satisfaction of saying what really happened. "Nothing happened," She said to Fitz.

Fitz wasn't satisfied with her answer, "Do you care to elaborate? You promise to be more open in this class, remember?"

No one elaborated their triumphs or set backs, but Fitz wanted her to. And now everyone in the class was staring at her, waiting for an answer.

Olivia looked Fitz directly in the eyes, very pissed. "He tried to kiss me, but I didn't let him. Apparently I seem to be addicted to just a single person now." She rolled her eyes and looked away from him.

Fitz didn't care about her last statement or her rolling her eyes, all he got was she refused to kiss Shaw. He waited for her to look at him. He then smiled at her and said, "Good girl. I am proud of you."

Olivia wanted to be mad, but his smile and congratulatory remark melted her heart instead.

* * *

After Fitz's class, Olivia left for the painting and drawing workshop, happy no one was there to see her try. She took a pencil and stood in front of a drawing board.

All of a sudden, she started breathing heavily as if she was on a marathon race. She told herself to draw something, anything, but nothing popped into her head. She decided to close her eyes to draw something, but the images of her mom and her guys started popping into her brain. She quickly opened her eyes and step away from the board.

Jerry was outside the window, peeking in at Olivia without her knowledge, trying to see what she was going to draw.

Fitz was passing by when he saw Jerry peeking into the workshop that was supposed to be close at that time. "Jerry, what are you doing?" Fitz called out.

Jerry placed his index finger vertically on his mouth and shushed his dad. "Shush, she might hear you," He whispered to his dad.

"Boy, don't you dare shush me. Who is in there?" Fitz asked, walking toward him.

Jerry met him halfway and pulled him away from the window so Olivia shouldn't hear them, "Olivia is in there."

"Why are you peeking at her….. is she in there with a guy?" Fitz's brain was running wild.

Jerry made a face at his dad, "You're disgusting," He said to his father before adding, "She's trying to draw, but somehow having a panic attack or something."

"Why are you peeking through the window then?"

"You remember that day you came to talk to me in the workshop and Olivia was there too?"

"Yes." Fitz answered, that was the day Olivia forced herself on him in the forest, but he didn't tell Jerry that.

"I ask her to draw something that day and she was literally shaking, scared of what I don't even know. She once told me she loved painting and drawing, just like me, but not anymore, when I asked her why she refused to tell me."

Fitz went to the spot Jerry was at the window and peeked in at Olivia. Jerry joined him too, and they were both trying to figure out what might be going on with her.

Olivia went back to the board and talked herself to try again. "Try again, you can do this. Don't think of mom and her stupid boys, just draw." She placed her pencil again on the board, but her hands wouldn't let her draw. Tears began running down her face. She broke the pencil and threw the board on the floor. "You are worthless," She said to herself, then remembered what Cyrus told her to do when negative thoughts were coming into her head. She started saying to herself, "I am not worthless. I'm kind. I'm thoughtful of others….." She was trying to say the things she loved about herself, but it wasn't helping her. She just broke down, crying some more.

Fitz and Jerry now rushed inside to meet her. She saw them and got up from the floor. She was wiping her face and adjusting the board on it stand, not wanting them to see her cry.

"Are you OK?" Fitz asked her.

"I am fine," She answered, not looking at them.

"You are not fine. We were staring at you from the window," Jerry said to Olivia.

"Jerry!" Fitz called out.

"That's considered stalking, and it is a crime," She said to Jerry and Fitz without looking at them.

"I wasn't stalking. I came to the workshop to paint, knowing no one was here, but I saw you struggling so I decided to sit back and ….."

Fitz interrupted Jerry, "Olivia, why don't you try and draw something again while we are here with you?"

"I don't want to." She tried to bypass them in order to leave, but Fitz held her gently on her waist, preventing her from leaving

Olivia's strength was gone from Fitz's touch. Fitz wiped the tears pouring down her face. "Can I hug you?" He asked her. But Olivia didn't answer him. He went ahead and hugged her, and she held him tight.

"I know you can do this." He said to Olivia. "Why don't you try draw Jerry and me?" Fitz waited until Olivia released herself from their hug.

"Okay, let me try." She went and stood behind the board. When she looked at Fitz and Jerry, they've both made a funny pose. She burst into laughter. She couldn't stop laughing.

"Draw while laughing," Jerry instructed her.

Olivia placed her pencil on the board and was able to draw Jerry and Fitz while laughing. She finished with her drawing and was now staring at it, smiling. This was the first time she has drawn something since she was raped. She stopped smiling and started crying again.

Fitz and Jerry got confused. Jerry went behind her board to see what she drew and was marveled. Jerry was good at drawing, but Olivia was exceptional. "Dad, come see," He called his dad.

Fitz went to check and couldn't believe his eyes. "Oh. My. God." He exclaimed.

Olivia hugged him tighter. "Thank you." She said to him.

They were still in the hug when Jerry said, "This is so not fair. Why can't I get a hug too?"

Olivia chuckled and hugged him too. "Thank you, Jerry." She kissed him on the cheek.

"This other cheek deserves a kiss too." Jerry said.

Olivia gave his other cheek a kiss and they all laughed.

Fitz got a called and told Olivia he was needed, but would talk to her later.

Olivia and Jerry were left together with Jerry asking Olivia so many questions how she was able to draw some certain angels.

 **XXX**

Fitz was in his office when Olivia knocked on his door. He was so happy to see her because of the breakthrough she made some hours ago. He stood up from his seat. "Olivia?"

"I wanted to ask whether it was necessary to let me elaborate what happened with Shaw and me in your class today."

Fitz thought that incident in his class was forgotten after the hug and thank you she gave him in the workshop.

He was a little ashamed of his stunt he pulled because he let his personal feelings took over in his class today. He looked downward and answer her, "No, it's wasn't necessary. I'm sorry about that."

"Why did you do it then?" Olivia asked him.

"Cy & James wouldn't let me in on what happened between you and Shaw, and I knew you won't tell if I asked you privately. But I was dying to know what happened."

Olivia was happy to see Fitz in the hot seat for once. "Thanks for your honesty." She said, but didn't leave.

Fitz could see she had something else on her mind. "Is that why you came here?"

She hid a smile because she noticed he could see through her. "No, I came to tell you I'm ready to meet my mom."

Fitz was too happy to hear her say that, he took some long strike toward her. He wanted to hug and kissed her, but resisted the urge. "I am very happy to hear this Olivia. When are you going to see her?"

"Well, I have to buy a plane ticket first. I don't know her visiting days too. I will have to check on that so she knows I'm coming. But I want to know if your offer to go with me still stands?"

"Livvie, you know I am more than happy to go with you."

 **MY LONGEST CHAPTER SO FAR. SOMEONE TOLD ME TO MAKE THEM LONGER, BUT I DON'T THINK I'M GOING TO BE CONSISTENT.  
**


	11. Chapter 11

**TODAY IS THE SECOND ANNIVERSARY OF THIS STORY. I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO DROP SOMETHING SINCE AS I HAVE BEEN GONE FOREVER.**

 **I COULD NOT DROP ANYTHING ON THE OTHER STORY BECAUSE I CANNOT FIND THE DRAFT COPY I MUST HAVE DELETED IT UNINTENTIONALLY. IT HAS DISAPPEARED ON MY PC.**

Days later, Fitz and Olivia were in Fitz's office with both James and Cyrus. "I tried my best." She said to them and walked to the window, staring aimlessly nowhere with both hands crossed around her chest. Certainly they were all waiting for an explanation, but she was definitely not in the mood to give them one. She couldn't face them. Knowing she was failing them was too heavy a burden on her. She also didn't want them to see the pain she was going through.

"Olivia you can't just give up." James pointed out to her as if it was her choice to do so in the first place.

"Yes, Olivia, Choa is right, besides, you've tried just once." Cyrus added.

For once, Olivia wished they could see from her angle. She fought back tears, shook her head slowly, still not looking at them, but she tried to make them see reason, "At least I reached out. You guys have to give me that. I'm done."

This whole time, she noticed Fitz has been quiet . She could image how disappointed he must be hearing those words coming out from her mouth. She bowed down her head, looking at her feet and a tear ran down her face.

Cyrus and James both looked at Fitz, wanting him to say something convincing to change Olivia's mind. Fitz gave them the 'what gesture' with his body without saying a word, and not wanting to say a word.

Fitz has thought of the inevitable reason why Olivia was giving up, and he didn't want to force her to do something that'd make her more depress. But James and Cyrus wouldn't stop giving him that 'is your turn to talk' look, insisting he say something.

Giving up, he spoke, but in favor of Olivia, "yes she did her best. She reached out." He said to Cyrus and James, and they were both perplexed at his statement.

Letting out a long breath of relief she didn't know she was holding, Olivia wiped the tear on her face, but still did not turn to face them.

Cyrus was about to scream at the top of his voice when Fitz interrupted him.

Fitz got up from his chair, but didn't walk where Olivia was standing, "What precisely did she say to you?" He asked Olivia.

The room was completely quiet, with everyone waiting for Olivia to answer Fitz's question. She took like forever to answer him. But finally, she closed her eyes, took a long deep breath and moist her lips with her tongue, then faced them with her head up high. "She refused to talk to me. She said Karl should tell me she doesn't want to see me or have anything to do with me."

Everyone in the room was shocked. Fitz dropped back to his chair and was furious. He threw the items that were on his desk, "How heartless can that woman be?"

"Fitz Calm down." James shouted at him.

"Don't tell me to calm down. Why should I be calm?" He then looked at Olivia and saw a scared look on her face, he immediately apologized. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's ok," she said to him, then realized how hot he was when angry. She hid a smile and scratched the back of her neck lightly, getting uneasy from it all. Nevertheless, thanking her addiction for this little escape of her present.

Fitz could tell what was going on in her brain, "like really?" He asked her in a whisper.

Olivia shrugged innocently, saying under her breath, "It's not my fault you're this hot while angry." certain no one could hear her. But she saw Fitz hides a smile, which meant he did hear her, she smiled faintly back at him before looking away.

Cyrus saw that little moment between them and wasn't pleased, "Are you two really flirting with each other right now?" He asked them, adding "You two are disgusting."

Not having the time or the care about what was going on, James went back to what was important. "Olivia, the last time I saw your mother, she was really different. There are many sides to every story." He pointed out to Olivia and Fitz.

And just like that, Olivia was back to her present situation. "There's only one side to this story. She never loved me or wanted me. I just have to be ok with that. In fact, I was ok with it until you guys went digging, talking about closure and whatnot."

Cyrus, trying to get to the bottom of it all,"You said you spoke to someone in the facility she's in, who did you talk to?"

"A man name Karl Jent…. something, I can't remember," She answered.

James looked at Cyrus, "What about the talkative lady, who wanted to tell us everything we wants to know about anyone in there?"

"Maybe she got fired due to talking too much?" Cyrus answered.

"Who are you two talking about?" Fitz asked.

But James continued with Cyrus, "if we get in touch with her we might know more about the ground situation of everything."

Fitz asked for the second time, "Who are you guys talking about?"

Deciding to put an end to everything, Olivia "You guys shouldn't bother. I don't need her in order to find inner peace. I reached out, but she doesn't want to. I think I have all the closure you guys said I needed." Olivia said bye to them and left.

After Olivia left, Cyrus and James explained everything to Fitz and they decided to search the lady they spoke to when they went inquiring of the Maya's situation.

 **XXX**

Jerry was on his way to see his father when he met Olivia coming out of Fitz's office. "Hey Olivia, is my dad alone?"

"Hey Jerry, no, he's with Cyrus and James. What have you been up to?"

"Well, I've been trying to perfect my art to reach your level. You have real skill you know."

Olivia laughed, "Your skill is pretty perfect if you ask me. I'm going to the cafeteria to look for something to eat you can join me after you're done with your dad, if you want?"

She didn't need to ask Jerry twice. "Thanks, let's go now."

"I thought you were going to see your dad."

"It wasn't anything important."

"Jerry!" Olivia voiced out.

"I'm serious in fact I was going to ask him what we are to have for dinner. I can tell him to join us, if you…."

"No, no… the two of us is fine." Olivia interrupted quickly.

"Ok then, let me tell him I'm going to eat with you so he doesn't bother."

While they were eating, Olivia decided to know Jerry better. "So, how does it feel to be an only child?"

"I'm not an only child, I have a sister, and she's a year younger than me."

Olivia was really surprise and realized she has no real knowledge of Fitz. "wow, I didn't know that. What's her name?"

"Really, you had no idea? Her name is Karen, what do you and my dad talks about anyways?"

"I'm his patient, we talk what a patient and a therapist talks about."

Jerry chuckled, "Yeah, right!"

"What's that suppose to mean?" Olivia asked, but not wanting an answer.

"I mean…"

"Jerry, I don't really want an explanation. You and your sister, are you two close?"

"I don't know, we are ok I guess. What about you, do you have any sibling?"

"No, well, none that I know of, I've always wanted a sibling though."

"Yeah, I wished you had a sister since you prefer my dad, your sister might've…"

Olivia laughed out and cut him off, "say no further. Jerry, don't you miss your mom and sister?"

"They too have their own stuff going on in their lives. I do miss them a little though. But no one in my family really cares about me, not even my dad. He's all work, work. I've been trying to just hang out with him, but he's always very busy, but no biggy."

Olivia thought how lonely Jerry must be. She also thought about what he told her concerning his 7th grade teacher, which wasn't that far from what she went through herself. Keeping that a secret must be hard especially for a 16 year old, "why don't you tell someone about Miss Harley?"

Jerry was a little confused, but he immediately registered what Olivia meant, "You still have that in your head? In regards to telling someone about her I did, you."

"I'm talking about telling a professional, someone who could actually help you like your father."

Jerry laughed, "Are you kidding me? That won't be good for anyone."

Olivia knew never pushed anyone to do something they aren't ready for, she changed the topic, "You said you miss your mom and sitter, why don't you tell them you miss them and want to spend time with them. It's that simple Jerry."

"Nah, that's weak and lame, but I'll go and visit during our short break though."

"What's weak and lame and who are you going to visit?" Fitz appeared.

Olivia and Jerry were both surprise to see him.

"I thought I asked you not to invite your dad?"

"I'm right here, and I can hear you," Fitz said to Olivia

"I didn't," Jerry answered Olivia

"Ugh, that hurts. I am human, I get hungry too, plus Olivia, I do have good news for you."

Olivia loved good news, "What?" she asked him in excitement.

"You can actually go see your mother."

Her countenance immediately spiraled downward, "How is that good news, and more importantly, how did that happen?"

"We spoke to one talkative lady, Rosaline, she works in the facility where your mother is being held, and she let us talk to your mother."

"Your mother is in prison?" Jerry asked Olivia very surprised.

"Jerry, you either stay quiet or go outside and give us a moment." Fitz ordered.

Easy pick for Jerry, "I'll go with quiet."

Olivia was a confused, "But she told Karl, the guy who I spoke to, to tell me she doesn't want to see me or talk to me."

"Yes, that's because she's up for parole and due to how she treated you as a kid. She planned to reach out to you after she's out. She doesn't think she deserves your help now."

"But how am I helping her now?"

"She said her lawyer suggested you testifying on her behalf could set her free."

"I am not going to do that."

"We told her you won't be doing any favors for her, and that's the only reason she agreed to meet with you. I think she has changed, Olivia."

"Please don't start with that. I have to go. I've lost my appetite," She got up to leave.

Fitz protested, "You are leaving? But you've barely even touched your food. I'd like to eat with you guys."

"Eat with your son. Get to know him and the root cause of him being here. He misses you a lot." Olivia said and left.

Fitz looked at Jerry, "You do?"

Jerry shrugged.

"But I'm always here"

"But you are not."

"Jerry, what's going on?"

"Nothing, I just want to spend time with you sometimes, but you're all about work or Olivia is more important."

"I thought you loved Olivia."

"Yes, I do, but it feels like you like talking and spending time with her than me. Everyone here is so grown and not really interesting. I'm always alone. I miss my friends."

"Good, that's your punishment for not thinking about your life's choices."

"Yeah right, like you did, have you heard the statement the apple doesn't fall far from the tree?"

"Boy, you don't talk to me that way." Fitz shouted at Jerry.

Jerry yelled back, "I'll talk to you anyway I want…"

Fitz got up from his seat with anger, but calmed himself immediately after he saw the eyes on them. He sat down and they were all quiet for a while, then Jerry tried to leave. But Fitz spoke gently.

"Sit down son. Jerry, I'm very sorry. Really son, for everything you're going true, and me not being there. Will you forgive me?"

Jerry didn't say anything, but when Fitz asked for the check, he got up from his seat and hugged his dad tightly.

Fitz hugged him tightly too, but when he wanted to let go, Jerry hugged him tighter. Fitz then realized how he hasn't really been there for his kids. He wondered what pushed Jerry to this lifestyle. He knew he was to be blame, like Jerry said the apple does not fall far from the tree, but he needed to hear it from Jerry himself.

"I love you son," Fitz uttered.

"I love you too dad." And he finally let go of his father, and went back to his seat.

"Jerry, what really happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean when did you get entangled with sex that got you into this place, is it because of me?"

Jerry wasn't comfortable with such discussion, "No, dad and I don't want to talk about sex with you."

"Son, I'm trying to know you more, to see how I can be of help to you. You can tell me anything and I promise I won't make a big deal out of it."

Jerry was quiet, not really convinced about his father not making a big deal out of everything.

Fitz tried to break it down slowly for him, "OK, let's start with the basic, small stuff."

"K" Jerry answered.

"When did you start having sex?"

"Three years ago." Jerry replied.

Fitz was very shocked, "Jerry, you were 13," He shouted out.

"But you said you wouldn't make a big deal…"

"Sorry, sorry," Fitz calmed down, "Who was the first person you had sex with?" He asked.

Jerry was convinced not only would he get in trouble, but the person might get in bigger trouble too, "I can't tell you because you're going freak out and get the person in trouble."

Fitz's antennas got alerted. Jerry being scared to tell him could only mean one thing, it was with someone he knows and the person must be a grownup because that'd be illegal which could get the person in trouble. This might be the root of Jerry's illness. But he knew he had to play it cool if he was to get any information out of Jerry. "I promise you, I won't freak out or get anyone in trouble, it was three years ago."

"You have to swear you won't get the person in trouble and if you do, I'll hate you forever and l will never trust you again, promise."

Fitz didn't know what to do, if the person was grown he couldn't just brushed it off because that was rape of a minor, his son, but he also wanted to gain Jerry's trust.

"I promise, I won't get anyone in trouble. Who was it?"

"I'm serious dad, promise sincerely."

"I said I promise, who was it?"

"Miss Haley, mom's friend," Jerry stopped breathing, waiting for his father's reaction

Fitz also stopped breathing, trying to process the information.

"Dad, are you ok? You promised you won't freak out."

Fitz calmed himself, knowing trust and promised be damn, "who initiated it and were you comfortable with it?"

Jerry was quiet for a while contemplating his answer, but the cat was already out of the bag, "She did. I wasn't comfortable at first, but after a while I wasn't afraid and it was nice then we started doing it often," Jerry gave his dad a smirk as if it's something he should be proud of.

Fitz's blood was boiling with rage, but he knew he needed time to process this away from Jerry so he wouldn't do something he or his son would regret later. At that very moment he promised himself not to talk about it for days so he'd be calmer when he wanted to deal with the issue. He decided to change the subject "Have you spoken to your mom or your sister lately?"

"Aren't you going to say something about what I just said?"

"You said I shouldn't freak out. So I'm changing the topic, have you spoken to your mom or sister?

"No. Have you?"

"Yes. They're going on a two week vacation with Andrew in a few days."

"But I wanted to spend time with them during our short break."

Fitz felt bad for Jerry, "Your mom didn't tell you about the vacation?"

"No, apparently I'm the only one who loves spending time with people in this family."

"Jerry!"

"No, it's fine." He got up to leave

"Jerry, wait."

"Dad, I'm fine."

"Olivia, me and James will be going to visit her mom out of town, would you like to come along?"

"Really, when?" Jerry asked with excitement.

"During the short break, would you like to come with us?" Fitz asked again.

"Are you kidding me? Yes!"

* * *

As the visiting day approached, Olivia got more worry and nervous. Meeting her mom after not seeing her for more than half of her life was nerve racking. But the thought of Fitz, Jerry and James going with her always calmed her nerves.

James went to spend some time with her on the eve of the visiting day. They chatted about various topics, but he noticed Olivia was avoiding her mom's topic. He was about to talk of the inviolable when Olivia beat him to it.

"Do you think she murdered the guy because she later on believes me?" She asked him.

James contemplated his response before answering her, "It's a possibility. According to Rosaline your mom talks about you alot and even has your pictures on the wall of her cell."

The replied made Olivia hopeful, the thoughts of her mother going to jail for her was somehow lovely and the idea that her mom may now love her was sweet and a little strength at the same time, but she didn't want to get her hopes up, "Why didn't she look for me then? You guys said she's spending a sixteen year time and has been there for ten years already."

"Olivia, you are going to ask her everything tomorrow." James replied.

"What if she's doing all this for a show, just so to have a good report for her release and what if…."

"Olivia! Stop."

Olivia let out a long breath and they were both in a comfortable silence before she blurted out. "I wish she was dead."

James was taken aback by that, "You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do. This is her building up my hopes just so she could crush it. At least if she was dead I won't have to go through this. I don't want her in my life."

"So, your question of 'why didn't she look for me?' was just you not caring about her, right?"

Olivia was about to answer when James got up and asked her to get some rest. "It's just a three hour flight, but you need some rest anyway."

* * *

The next morning, Fitz, James and Jerry were waiting for Olivia so they could go to the airport, but Olivia refused to show up. They all went to her room and found her all dressed up with swollen yes. Fitz rushed to her.

"Hey, what's the matter, have you been crying?"

"I can't go. I'm not ready to see her," Olivia said to Fitz.

Fitz hugged her, saying, "You don't have to then, until when you're ready, ok?"

"So I don't get to spend the whole day with you guys today?" Jerry wasn't pleased.

So was James, he pressed on, "Olivia, you are never going to be ready. But you have to face this thing, headstrong. You can do this."

"She said she's not ready." Fitz shouted at James

James fired back at Fitz, "And I say she is."

"I'm on team hashtag Uncle James," A side commentary from Jerry.

"Jerry, go and wait outside." Fitz ordered.

"But….."

"Out!"

"James, I can't." Olivia said after Jerry left the room.

James walked to her, "Olivia, I know you. I know you're a fighter. You remember after I spread the rumor of your mom in school just before exam week, so you would be down and won't make valedictorian? But you told me in my face that you may be hurt, but you're going to come out victorious and you did?"

Olivia shook her head.

"Good, you may be hurt now, but you're going to come out victorious. Just face this thing headstrong, OK?"

"Ok" Olivia answered.

"Olivia, if you're not ready we could do this another time." Fitz said to her.

"Thanks Fitz, but I don't think I'll ever be ready to do it. James is right I should just face it and be over with it."

"Thank you Olivia." James gave Fitz a mocking look, happy Olivia took his advice.

Olivia saw the look. "It wasn't a contest," She said to James, They all smiled and she took her bag for them to proceed on their journey.

 **XXX**

On the plane, James and Olivia were seated together playing cards while Fitz and Jerry were also together, with Jerry playing a video game and Fitz struggling to read a book. The seating arrangement was orchestrated by Cyrus due to his lack of trust in Fitz and Olivia. He ordered Olivia to sit with James, his reason being strange things do happen on the plane.

Fitz and Olivia kept giving glances at each other and it was driving James insane since Olivia wasn't concentrating on what they were doing.

He called Jerry, "Jerry come let's play the game you're playing together I think your dad and Olivia really wants to talk to each other. Strange things do happen on the plane be damned."

Jerry was more than happy to oblige, "Oh, thank God, I thought I'm the only one who couldn't take it anymore. I was thinking of a polite way to tell them."

They all laughed. While Olivia and Jerry were changing seats, "I really don't know what you see in you," Jerry said to Olivia as they bypassed each other. She shook her head and smiled

Olivia sat next to Fitz and teased, "So, what do you want to talk about since JC said we are dying to talk to each other."

"Cyrus told me James could read minds, but I never believed him till now." Fitz replied and they both laughed.

After the laugh they didn't know what to say to each other.

"Thank you for everything." Olivia finally said.

"What did I do? Last time I check I didn't give you a convincing speech to get you on this plane."

"You were being protective and it was sweet knowing someone is on my side." She thought of her statement, then shook her head, rolling her eyes at the same time, adding, "Well, you guys are all on my side, but I'm thanking you for coming with me and every other thing."

"It's part of my job."

"No, it is not."

Fitz smiled, "No one really knows what you are going through, Olivia. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for you."

"I'm really nervous, like a little kid type of fear. I feel like I'm teenager again."

Fitz held Olivia's hand and faced her, "I'm certain no matter the outcome of this trip you'll be pleased how brave you are for actually going through with this."

Looking into his eyes, Fitz's words felt so assuring for Olivia, she shook her head, agreeing with him, but for some reason his eyes held her captive, she was unable to look away or move from him. Her gaze now shifted down to his lips and she stared at it for eternity.

Cyrus' words were ringing in Fitz's ears while staring at Olivia's lips too. He hated that the old man was right. "We can't," He finally whispered.

Those two words brought Olivia back to her senses. "I know," She said and smiled when she thought of the reason Cyrus didn't want them to sit together.

Olivia rested her head on her seat. They were all quiet for a while, certainly thinking of what almost happened millisecond ago. She decided to let him know her action just now didn't mean she was still being controlled by lust or that she wasn't making any progress. "I want you to know what I feel for you is not something I've ever felt with the others. My action just now does not insinuate I'm not making progress. My feelings for you are more than just lust. I don't know how long it'll take for you to believe me, but I hope you do soon."

Fitz closed his eyes and rested his head on his seat too, then let out a long breath. He wished he was 100% certain of Olivia's feelings for him, but he wanted her to be happy, "I believe you. I believe your feelings for me are different."

They were both again in a comforting silence. Fitz decided to add, "I want to say more to you, but I have to put your healing first. I want you to know that no matter what I feel for you or what you feel for me, you can always count on me and I'll always be here for you."

Olivia believed that 100%, "I know."

"It feels good to know you know."

They looked at each other and smile with their head lying on their seat.

* * *

There were now in the prison facility ready to see Olivia's mom, but they were informed she was with another visitor, and they should wait a little longer.

Olivia covered her face with her palms in frustration, knowing her mother hasn't changed. Fitz and James tried telling her it wasn't a big deal for them to wait.

"Are you guys kidding? She knows I'm coming today, but she chooses to have another visitor today too. I really need to see that visitor who's so important that she would let the daughter she now claimed to care wait after not seeing her for almost 17 years."

"Olivia calmed down no need to get all work…." James paused as he saw the guard who informed them to wait approaching them.

"You guys can come now," The guard said.

They all walked toward him, but he asked them to stop saying they could only take two visitors at a time.

James suggested he be the one to go with Olivia. "I grew up with Olivia and her mom knows me."

Fitz thought it was a good idea too, "Ok"

"No, James I want to go with Fitz, I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry, it's ok," James replied.

As Fitz and Olivia were walking with the guard, she decided to make some inquiries. "I didn't see anyone coming outside while we were waiting, but you said she was with a visitor. Maybe there are other exits points."

"Is that a question?" The guard asked her.

"Who was she with?" She asked.

"The person is still there with her. Everyone here loves Maya," the guard replied.

"But you said only two visitors at a time." Fitz stated.

"Her visitor has preferential treatment she can visit at any time."

Olivia got suspicious "She? Is she her lawyer?"

"Too many questions, do you want to see her or not?"

Olivia paused as they entered the visitors' area. She had just spotted her mom. She could see her pacing back and forth, she has a little gray hair and she looked worried.

The guard and Fitz walked a little further before noticed Olivia wasn't walking along with them, they both stopped to look at her. Fitz then saw the person Olivia was staring at, he walked back to her.

"Is that her?" Fitz asked Olivia.

She was about to answer Fitz when her mother spotted them too. Her mom wanted to rush toward her, but Olivia saw she decided it wasn't a good idea and she was glad she knew that.

"Where is the visitor with the preferential treatment?" Olivia asked no one in particular.

The guard then saw Olivia and her mom looking at each other, "Oh, you've seen each other, great." He left.

Maya finally gathered the courage and walked up to Olivia. She tried to touch her, but Olivia flinched and moved closer to Fitz instead.

"Livvie, my baby girl." Maya voiced out with a cracked voice.

Olivia, still clinging on Fitz, spoke sharply, "I'm not your baby or anything."

Maya fought back tears.

"Why don't we all sit down" Fitz suggested.

Maya pointed where they should sit and they all sat down. She was looking at Olivia really scared and worried not knowing what to say. While Olivia was looking everywhere, but Maya. Olivia saw one elderly white inmate with a mixed race little girl who was also a visitor pretending as if they weren't' interesting in the conversation she and Maya were about to have. She came to the conclusion the inmate must be Maya's friend here.

Maya cleared her voice, "Olivia, I have found Jesus. I am now a new person."

"Hallelujah, praise the Lord." Olivia replied, unable to look her mom in the eyes.

Fitz chuckled a little at Olivia's response and pretended to clear his throat.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, Olivia. But I pray you do, not for me, but for yourself. JC and the other people I spoke to, I suspect this is one of them," She pointed at Fitz, "told me what you've been going through. And Livvie from the bottom of my heart, I am very sorry for all that I've put you through and for what you are still going through."

Olivia chuckled, but without humor, still avoiding her mother's gazed, afraid she'd see the scared little girl who brought her nothing but sorrow.

All Olivia really wanted to know at the moment was why she murdered her rapist since she blamed her for the rape in the first place, "so what made you believe me and go all crazy on your ball-toy?"

Maya was quiet, and Olivia could see she was somehow scared to tell her what happened. Olivia asked her for the second time.

Maya swallowed spit before answering, "I didn't kill him because of you. Though I wish I wasn't in such a place back then when you told me what he did to you."

Olivia felt hurt. She had wished her mom finally believed her boy-toy force himself on her, "Good to know. I thought, eh, maybe she felt bad about what he did to me and gave him what he deserved, but that would mean she actually cares or believes me" Olivia tried to be sarcastic, but the pain in her voice was visible.

"Olivia, I did believe you back then, but I didn't want to accept it because it'll mean another man leaving again after your father left me."

"And once again it's my fault daddy left you."

"I'm not saying it's your fault, baby…."

"I said don't call me baby," Olivia shouted

Maya couldn't control her weeping, "I'm sorry for everything. Truly, I wish I could turn back the time."

Fitz felt really sorry for Maya and believed she regretted her past. He handed her his handkerchief.

Olivia felt bad for her too, but didn't want to show it, she looked away and saw the inmate and the little girl crying due to Maya crying. She didn't know what to make of it. All she wanted to know was why Maya murdered her rapist since now it wasn't because he raped her.

"So, what made you kill him?" Olivia asked her for the third time with her voice sounding gentler than the front she wanted to present.

Maya didn't answer. She instead looked at the inmate who was crying with the little girl. Olivia and Fitz looked at them too, both confused.

Olivia's patience worn out, "Who are they and why are they so invested in this?" She impatiently demanded rudely.

Maya breathed out before calling, "Michaela, honey come," calling the little girl sitting with the inmate.

The girl walked to them and hugged Maya. Before thoughts could register in Olivia and Fitz's head, Maya said, "Olivia, this is your little sister, Michaela, she's fifteen and smart, just like you."

The little girl gave Olivia a nervous smile, but Olivia didn't smile back. Fitz could see the little girl has a striking resemblance to Olivia, but just fairer in complexion.

"Was she the visitor you were with while we were waiting?" Fitz asked.

Maya shook her head with tears running down her face.

Olivia was still confused why Maya didn't answer her question, but instead called to introduce her sister.

Trying not to be affected by the fact that she now has a little sister, which was something she has always wanted since as a kid, she put up a defense, "You didn't answer my question why did you murder your boy-toy, my rapist?"

"I murdered him because of her." Maya said and drew Michaela closer to her, and Michaela rested her head on her mother's shoulder.

Tears formed in Olivia's eyes as she felt really jealous seeing the little affection between her mom and her brand new sister.

Maya continued, "I caught him trying to hurt her just like the way he hurt you."

"I don't get it." Olivia stated, "You said she's 15 and he tried to rape her, but you've been in prison for 10 years now because of his murdered, so?"

"Yes, Olivia, he tried to do that to a five year old. She was five at the time."

The defense Olivia has been putting up broke down, "Oh my God!" She voiced out and covered her mouth from crying out loud. Fitz reached out and caressed her lightly. "I'm so sorry," she said to Michaela and then asked Maya with a very gentle tone, "Who's her dad?"

"He was my dad," Michaela answered Olivia.

"What?" Fitz and Olivia asked at the same time.

Olivia got up from her seat. She couldn't believe she was staring at the blood of her rapist. All kinds of emotions were boiling inside of her. "You actually gave birth to a daughter of the man who raped me? You haven't heard of abortion? Who am I fooling, I'm sure you sat down and thought I don't think I have hurt Olivia enough." She then looked at Michaela, "You do know the blood of a rapist flows through your veins, right?"

"Olivia?" Fitz shouted at her, "She is just a child."

Michaela burst into tears and hugged her mom tightly.

Maya forgot she found Jesus, she went closer to Olivia, right in front of her face "I won't have you talking to my daughter like that. You don't know what she has been through or still going through. Yes, I hurt you Olivia, but that doesn't give you the right to talk to my baby girl like that." Maya shouted at Olivia at the top of her voice.

Feeling paralyzed, Olivia immediately saw the mother she knew screaming at her. Only this time she was putting someone's feelings above hers, "Wow, you do really love her," Olivia managed to say, "How I wish you showed me just a quarter of the affection you just shown her now, but all I remember, is you hitting me after I told you he raped." Olivia looked at Michaela, "Michaela, I'm sorry for saying all those things to you. I let my emotion got the best of me. That was cruel and offensive. You didn't ask to be born. But know this; you have a bright future ahead of you. Knowing you're 100% love by someone, especially by your own mother makes a big difference in a way I can't even imagine. I wish you two all the best. Fitz I think I have my closure, let's go," She took her bag and got up from her seat, waiting for Fitz to join her.

"Olivia!" Fitz called softly, and held her hand, stopping her from walking away, knowing there was still so much to be discussed.

Maya rushed to Olivia in tears, "Livvie, bab.. I was just being protective. I'm very sorry for shouting. Please don't leave."

Michaela also begged her, "Please don't leave."

Fitz stood up from his seat and spoke sweetly, "Livvie, darling you're already here, hear her out please, if not for anything, but for your peace of mind and complete healing, for us."

Tears were running down Olivia's face, she shook her head and tried to clean her face to the best of her ability, but finally sat down.

Not wanting Michaela to be around the present atmosphere, Fitz said, "Michaela, my son, Jerry and friend James are outside please, can you keep them company?"

"Sure." Michaela wiped her hers and went outside.

There was complete quietness in the atmosphere, with tears running down faces. Olivia looked into the eyes of her mom for the first time since they got there. "Mom, you destroy me. I am broken. I'm just a useless piece of garbage walking around. There's nothing I'm good at. On my good days, I wish I was dead and on my bad days I sometimes take the extra miles to end it all, in fact I've tried that many times, but I'm not even good at that too."

Maya wanted to reach for Olivia, but Fitz gestured for her to let Olivia talk.

"I know I'm playing the victim here, but I have nothing else to play. You see this man right here," She pointed at Fitz, "I'm certain he cares for me deeply, and although I don't really know what love is, I think I love him, and I need him to believe it's not just my lust talking. On our way here, he said he believes me, but I know he has his doubts, which he has every right to, because deep down I have my doubts of my feelings for him too. How am I supposed to be certain my feelings for him are genuine when I've never experienced any kind of love. It's only a matter of time before I hurt him and it pains me to say this because he has been nothing but good to me. I'm not used to affection or someone caring for me. All I've known is chaos and depression, and I'm certain that what I deserve. And one day I know I'll actually succeed in ending it all because I can't stop fantasying how not being alive feels like. I think it feels good."

Fitz couldn't take Olivia talking like that. He got up with tears filled eyes and said he needed some air.

As Olivia watched Fitz leave, she felt like he was walking away from her forever. She broke into pieces, placed her head on the table and covered her face, crying like a baby.

Maya went to her and hugged her, crying too, "Honey, he's not leaving he's just going out for some air."

"But he now knows I still have such thoughts in my head." She allowed Maya to hold her and she cried some more.

"Oh, honey!"

Finally, she calmed down and looked at Maya, "I don't know what Michaela has gone through, but I believe she's going to be more than ok. Knowing you love and care for her is going to see her through, believe you me."

"I love you too, honey" Maya said to her.

But Olivia didn't buy that.

With red swollen eyes, Maya asked for forgiveness, "Livvie, I'll never be able to make it up to you and for that I'm sorry. After you left for college, it wasn't long before I got pregnant, I tried to get rid of it, but I was advised I'll die if I do because of the state I was at the time. With the amount of drug in my system the doctors told me Michaela was going to be a vegetable, but she beats the odds. Though I got clean during the pregnancy the chances for her was still slim…."

"You got clean when you weren't' in prison, but you didn't look for me." Olivia stated.

"Liv, I wasn't a good person back then, I was drug free but her father was still a big part of my addiction."

"He wasn't the only one you were seeing if my memory serves me well. In fact I remember you were going out with like three different guys at the same time. Was there even any prove to show she is his daughter?"

"After she was born DNA test was carried out and he is her father. He was the only one who stayed after I got pregnant. That's why I didn't look for you. I was scared of loneliness."

 **XXX**

 **"** Where is Jerry?" Fitz asked James.

"You guys are taking like forever in there. I'm dying to know what's going on." James said to Fitz.

"Olivia is having one mess up family to tell you the least."

"I just discovered she has a little sister, she and Jerry just went to get some soda."

"The little girl's father is Olivia's rapist." Fitz informed James

"Are you kidding me?" James asked in astonishment

"You have no idea."

"Is this why your eyes are red? When Michaela came out her eyes were red too."

Fitz didn't tell James why his eyes were red. He was thinking why Olivia was still having suicidal thoughts. He was certain Olivia was now in a good place. But her talking to her mom like that really hurts.

Jerry and Michaela appeared on the scene, "Dad, Olivia's little sister just showed me the whole place. So cool and everyone here knows her."

"Hey Sir, are they done talking?" Michaela asked Fitz.

"I don't think so, but I'll go and check."

As Fitz was leaving, Michaela called him back "Excuse me sir?"

"Michaela, you can call me Fitz."

"Are you and my si…Olivia closed?"

Jerry chuckled and informed Michaela, "They are more than close. They can't keep their eyes off each other."

"Jerry, hush. Why do you ask Michaela?" Fitz demanded.

"Well, I'd like to know what kind of person she is."

"I've told you already Michaela, she's awesome and the best," Jerry said.

Fitz didn't know what to do with Jerry, "Michaela, beyond all what you've seen in there, she has a good heart. She's a nice person to tell you the least."

Michaela bowed down her head, "I wonder if she'll ever forgive me."

"She's not really angry with you, Michaela you haven't done anything wrong. With time I'm certain you guys are going to be good friends."

Jerry chipped in again, "Yes, she told me she always wanted a sibling."

"She did?" Fitz, James and Michaela all asked at the same time.

"Yes she did."

 **xxx**

"Accepting Jesus as my Lord and my personal savor inside this place saved my life Olivia. It's only in him you can get the peace you really need."

Olivia realized she wasn't even mad at her mom like she thought she would be. She was tired of everything, "Good for you. I'm happy you are in a good place. So, I heard about your parole, the reason you told Karl you didn't want to talk to me or see me."

"No, Olivia we won't talk about that. Concentrate on yourself and find peace. Whether I get out or not I'm happy you this happen, and I'll keep praying for God to give you the peace you need. I hope you and Michaela could get to know each other."

"No mom." She called Maya mom for the first time, and this did not go unnoticed by Maya.

Olivia couldn't imagine getting to know the daughter of her rapist. That would be an unbearable reminder of a past she wished she could erase from her memory. "I'm not that strong of a person I'm sorry. I can't deal with the constant reminder of the worst day of my life."

"It's ok, I understand."

"Who is she living with while you are in here?" Olivia asked.

"She's here most of the time, she's free to visit me at any time, but she's with my mother, your grandma."

Olivia was astonished at this, "Your mother? But you didn't want anything to do with her. You forbid me for asking about her when I was eight. You said she's a cracked head and you can't wait for her to die so you get her house."

"Wow, I really said all that?" Maya asked.

"Yes you did."

"I can't deny that. I know I've said and done far worse, but our relationship has changed, she and I are completely different people now. She took Michaela after I got convicted. She fought for Michaela when child services wanted her. I'm hopeful we'll get to a good place too."

Olivia wasn't ready for that. She decided to change the topic, "I think JC would like to see you, he's outside."

"JC is here? You guys were inseparable."

"And then we weren't."

Maya thought of the reason why, but didn't want to go deeper "I'm sure you guys are now. I'd like to see him."

"Let me go get him, he's with Fitz's son. The guard said only two visitors at a time."

"Don't worry, I'll talk to the guard, you guys can all come in."

"I heard you are loved by everyone here."

"Well, not everyone."

 **XXX**

Olivia met Michaela and Fitz coming in. She told them Maya would like to see James, and Jerry could come too.

While Michaela went to call for James and Jerry, Olivia asked Fitz if they could talk about her candid statement earlier.

"We'll have plenty of time to talk. When we get back, OK?" Fitz said to her.

"OK."

JC and Maya got reacquainted and they all chatted for a while. Then Olivia said it was time for them to leave. They all got up to leave.

Michaela inquiring from Maya, "Mom did you ask her?"

"Michaela!" Maya called out, trying to hush her daughter.

Olivia was now curious, "Asked me what?"

Maya couldn't demand any thing from Olivia, "Nothing, Olivia."

Not sure when she'd get another chance, Michaela insisted, "No, mom when do you think we are going to see her again?" She turned to Olivia, "Mom is really sick and we're not certain of this parole stuff, grandma would be taken to a nursing home. I need a guardian or child service would come for me."

"And I'm supposed to be your guardian?" Olivia demanded.

"There's no one else," Michaela replied.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ok, I was suppose to post this chapter ending November or early December, meanwhile God had other plans. But you guys should blame PAPERFRAMES for deciding going to graduate school is more important than fanfiction lol.**

 **Well, while you guys are at it don't forget to THANK her for editing this chapter and for helping me not only with my grammar but also with my thought process in writing. She's so good that my words won't do her justice.**

 **Paperframes, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your time and encouraging words. It means a lot to me. I'm grateful.  
**

 **trininads, I had you in mind while writing this.**

 **I HOPE YOU GUYS REALLY LIKE THIS.**

* * *

Olivia burst into uncontrollable laughter, causing everyone to glance at her in concern.

"Olivia, are you OK?" James asked.

After seeing the worried look on everyone's faces, Olivia tried to calm down, but couldn't. A few seconds ticked by and finally she sat down. She looked at Michaela, laughing still, and asked, "What made you think I'm capable of taking care of another human being?"

Her laughter suddenly subsided. "Do you know where I live at this moment… in rehab because I'm unable to function as a proper human…." She paused, her thoughts far away, the five suicides attempt under her belt, talk less of the countless number of men she has given herself to, "Michaela, minus what you know of our situation …." She couldn't say it, because she didn't want the images of her assault in her head, "Child service will not only make sure I'm not your guardian, but give me a restraining order so we are at least 10 feet from each other…."

She was certain her next sentence was going to be harsh, but she needed to be understood clearly, "Even if they say it's ok for me to be your guardian, I will never agree or accept you, ever." Picking up her bag, she walked out.

Michaela burst into tears, hugging her mom.

Fitz wanted to go after Olivia, but decided she needed sometime alone. He turned to Maya instead, "Are you sick? You look fine."

Looking dejected as Olivia departed, Maya replied with Michaela still in her arms, "Sickness was long ago, now I'm just passing time,"

"What's wrong with you?" A very sympathetic Jerry asked Maya.

Seeing how concern Jerry looked, she smiled lightly just to take some of his worries away. She reached out, caressing his face, "Well, honey, let's just say Jesus forgives, but there are consequences for our actions. My past finally caught up with me. My liver is not what it used to be plus a sprinkle of high blood pressure."

"How much time do you have left?" James asked.

Finally, Michaela let go of her mother and sat down, replying to James' question on her mother behalf, "We don't know, she was supposed to be gone six months ago. I've been begging her to let me meet Olivia, but she refused; now I know why. We are never going to be sisters because she's never going to see me as such," She covered her face as the tears started falling.

Maya couldn't take the pain Michaela was going through, and was certain Olivia too was going through something much worst. "I didn't want to see Liv again because I know I won't have time to make amends with her. I didn't want Michaela to meet her because of obvious reason. Even though I want them to get to know each other and be close, I also know it's unfair to Olivia. This is why I refused to see her, but you guys insisted; now God only knows the amount of salt we've poured on her wounded soul."

"What about the salt on my wounded soul too?" Michaela angrily asked her mother.

Maya let out a little chuckled, "Oh, honey you're going to be fine, you have just three more years before you turned 18. I know how much you want to be able to make and take your own decisions without grandma and me messing things up."

The boiling frustration inside of Michaela came flowing out, "You keep saying that as if it will make me feel better. It's your entire fault! Why were you a bad mom to her? Why did you treat her like that? I would've had a sister right now, but you were selfish and mean to her! And for what, my stupid rapist of a father? Just die now or whatever, I don't care anymore!" Michaela shouted and ran out.

Standing in utter astonishment, Maya fought back tears, she couldn't believe her ears. Michaela had never spoken to her like that before.

"She doesn't really mean that. She's just a kid who doesn't know how to deal with all that is happening," Fitz said to Maya.

James reached out to Maya and hugged her. He felt bad for everyone, "This whole situation is messed up," he said with Maya in his arms. "If you really do believe in God like you say you do, you better pray for a miracle because I can't see any way out of this whole thing."

After calming down, Maya pleaded for James and Fitz to take care of Olivia, "Please, I don't think I'll ever see Olivia again. I'm begging you two to keep an eye on her. I know you guys said she has been making progress, please try your possible best to keep it that way, please!"

* * *

While on the plane, everyone was silent. Fitz didn't know what to say to Olivia. He couldn't imagine what she must be going through. He was now certain Maya and Olivia were both right in not wanting to see each other. He had a feeling Olivia was going to regress, and it hurt so damn much due to the progress she had made.

Turning her head to Fitz, Olivia tried to break the silence, "I know that was pretty awful of me; how I handle everything, not caring about Maya's health and laughing at Michaela, but," she paused, thinking of how best she could tell him she wasn't superwoman. "Fitz, I'm not that strong a person."

Fitz on the other hand couldn't believe Olivia thought he'd considered how she reacted awful.

"Liv, there is nothing awful about your reaction," he reassured, speaking as a psychologist, "You are way stronger than you think. The fact that you actually went through with this trip shows how brave you are." He needed Olivia to really believe that last part of his speech.

But Olivia saw through him. "I know you think saying this will make feel better, but I wish I never went through with it. I'm certain I didn't get any closure from that. The only thing I got is hopelessness."

"Livve, please do not talk like this. I can't take hearing you talk like this." He took her hands and kissed them both almost in tears.

Knowing Fitz was hurt made Olivia felt more depressed than she already was. She removed her hands away from his, eyes filled with tears she turned her attention to the cloud outside the plane's window. She was certain she couldn't take the pressure of her life anymore.

The tears that were on standby in Fitz's eyes went down his cheeks and he wiped them off, then gave his own attention to the plane ceiling; praying and begging God for Olivia not to give up.

* * *

The plane landed and they all step out. Olivia tried to strike a conversation with Jerry, but he seemed to be mad at her. He ignored her and put on his headphones instead.

Fitz knew it wasn't a good idea for Olivia to be left alone. He spoke to James privately about it, mentioning her earlier suicidal remarks, and then asked them if they could all have dinner together just so Olivia wasn't left alone with her thoughts. But Olivia objected, saying she'd love to be left alone. James insisted a distraction was exactly what she needed right now, she finally accepted to go with them. They went to a very nice building not far from the center that had excellent food on the fifth floor.

While the guys were eating, Olivia just stared at her plate. She told them she'd like to take a stroll around since she didn't have an appetite. Both Fitz and James looked at each other, but also didn't want Olivia to be suspicious of their concern. So, they both said fine, but she shouldn't go too far since they'd be done soon. She told them she'd just be outside the balcony for some air. Fitz was please since he could easily keep an eye on her on the balcony. As Olivia left, James engaged Fitz in a conversation how he'd talk to Cyrus about fostering Michaela. Fitz and Jerry were both excited at the idea. And they got deeper into the conversation of the possibility of that.

"I know Olivia would like to know Michaela is taking care of. She acts like she doesn't care about her, but we both know she does," Fitz said to James.

"But why was she mean to her then?" Jerry asked his father.

James got a feeling Jerry was mad at Olivia "Jerry, I saw you ignoring Olivia after we landed, was it because of the way she spoke to Michaela?"

"Well yes, I told Michaela she was the best person ever, then she treated her like that. It was very mean."

"Jerry, Olivia and Michaela relationship is complicated." Fitz said, adding, "Michaela's father raped Olivia."

"Well that's bad, but why should the sins of the parent rest on the children, Michaela didn't do anything wrong."

"Jerry, I just said Olivia was raped by Michaela's father and you're more concerned about Michaela that you just met?"

"I mean, I'm sure it was a long time ago. This is exactly what Uncle James taught us in his session a week ago, not to let our terrible past dictate how we treat people in the future because that's just weak and a cheap way out of life, and Olivia was in that class."

"You were actually paying attention in that session? I thought your phone was more important that day."

* * *

Olivia went to balcony and thanked God she was the only one there. She looked at the cars passing on the street. She tried to concentrate on how beautiful the light of the cars and that of the street looked combined together, but couldn't. Her thoughts kept going back to her mother and her brand-new sister; what happened to her as a kid, her father's abandonment, and her rape.

Her thoughts were loud, chaotic and dissonant; they wouldn't leave her alone. The horrible life she led and all the useless men she gave herself to flashed through her memory. She covered her face with her palms and the most horrific thought that she was accustomed to came into her brain. _Death._

She opened her eyes, turned her head towards the dining room to find Fitz laughing at something James must have said, _'He'll be hurt for a while, but he'll get over it eventually.'_ She placed her hands on the balcony to lift up herself, but paused, suddenly noticing that she wasn't the only one there. There was an elderly man with a teenage girl of about 19 years of age at one dark end of the balcony. Having been so consumed with her thoughts moments ago, she must've missed the couples' arrival. She saw the elderly man groping and threatening the girl in a very calm, but chilling manner that made her spine shiver.

Without thinking, Olivia walked over to them, "Hey mister, I don't care if she's your wife or whatever, but you don't handle anyone like that." Olivia could tell the girl was relieved to see her.

"Hey lady, this is none of your business you better go back in there and eat or do whatever you came here to do." He took a step toward Olivia.

But Olivia stood her ground, "I'm not going anywhere without her."

"Excuse me?" The older man asked.

"You are excused," She said, then turned to the young girl, "Hey you, come let's go."

The girl wanted to go, but was clearly too scared out of her mind to follow Olivia.

"Yes, you're damn right; you better not move an inch." The man said to the girl.

"You don't have to be scared, you are with me." Olivia said to her.

"You don't understand," the girl whispered, "he owns me. Just leave and you might be safe. His guys will be here at any time, he also owns this building."

The old man smirked at the girl's respond.

"I'll call the police." Olivia said to him.

He laughed mockingly now, "let's see how long they take to get here and if they actually get to know who called them. Do you still want to play savoir?" He asked in a threatening manner.

"Oh mister, if only you know what I've been through you'd know there's nothing I can't handle. And today is the right day for me to test how crazy I can be."

The man was done making small talk. He took his phone, dialing a number. Olivia waited until the person at the other end picked before she grabbed the phone. The man was now certain Olivia wasn't scared. Olivia informed the receiver she was waiting for whoever they were to show up.

After she did that, she went inside the crowded restaurant and climbed on a table, calling everyone's attention to the older man and the young girl at the balcony.

Fitz, James and Jerry all rushed to her asking what she was doing. But Olivia paid them no mind.

"Everyone, you see that buffoon in the dark corner there," Olivia pointed at the man outside who was dumbfounded and confused, not knowing where to hide. She continued," He thinks he could really claim ownership on a person in 2017 because he owns this God forsaken building and has boys who can make people disappear."

People were already with their camera phones, videoing taping everything.

But Olivia wasn't done yet, "He was forcing himself on that young lady because he can, and there's nothing anyone can do about it." She paused then looked at the girl, "Come, what's your name?"

She took some baby steps to where Olivia was. "Miriam," She answered in a quirky voice.

"Miriam, come tell the world what this man has on you,"

The girl was still nervous.

"You don't have to be scared this is your freedom, you have to fight for it. There's only so much anyone can do for you. You have to be able to stand up for yourself and stop making excuses for what you are going through, say enough is enough. Show up for yourself and let everyone else be dame."

Miriam was thinking this might be her last chance to fight for their freedom, scared out of her mind, but hoping this might be the day. She ceased the opportunity to tell her story, "I was abducted from Guatemala and they're fifteen of us in the basement of this building who provide services for Mr. Bruce." Miriam rushed and held Olivia's hand, looking up to Olivia on the table

"Please tell me I'll never go back down there, to the basement."

Olivia stepped down from the table, "You'll never go back down there," She said and hugged Miriam.

Mr. Bruce was already at the exit point trying to dodge the crowd and video phones due to everyone concentrating on Miriam and Olivia, but Jerry saw him. "He's trying to escape," Jerry shouted.

The police were in the building in no time to help rescue the other girls. And Mr. Bruce was apprehended.

* * *

Olivia didn't talk much as they drove back to the center. Her speech to Miriam was the only thing in her head.

But all kinds of thoughts were going through Fitz's head. He knew he couldn't handle what Olivia just witness and did. Hell, he couldn't handle what she had been put through all her life. He was thinking how all what just happened today might be the limit for Olivia; it was all just too much for a person this fragile to handle. Fitz was certain Olivia was going to try to hurt herself soon.

As they arrived at the center Jerry said his goodnight and left to his room. Olivia told the guys she would like to take her bath and go to bed because she was very tired. Fitz and James both asked if she needed company and that they could both stay still she fell asleep.

It then came to Olivia's attention Fitz and James has been too protective of her since they stepped down from the plane. Then she remembered telling her mom in front of Fitz how she has been fantasying not being alive.

"Guys, I'm not going to harm myself. I promise. Plus, I'm too tired to actually do something like that," She tried to convinced them.

"Olivia, we just want to make sure you are ok, what you have been through today would be hard for anyone," James said to her

"True, and that's why I really need to get some sleep, like yesterday."

"If you say so," James said and told Fitz they couldn't really guard her the whole day.

"Yes, I could," Fitz said firmly.

"Guard who?" Cyrus joined the conversation.

They all greeted Cyrus and he asked how Olivia was doing since James had already shared everything with him through text before they got there.

"I'm fine, I just need a bath and sleep, but they are thinking I'm going to hurt myself."

"Are you?" Cyrus asked her.

"No" She answered

"Then go take your bath and get some sleep."

"Thank you, Cyrus."

"I don't think she should be left alone at the moment," Fitz said to Cyrus and James after Olivia left.

"She's tired and wants some rest. I suggest you all do the same." Cyrus ordered.

"I can check up on her from time to time." Fitz suggested.

"You know very well she's going to want to take her mind off things with sex, and you think you checking up on her is a good idea, you of all people? Do you really want her to get well?" Cyrus' patience was running out with Fitz.

"If taking her mind off things through sex can prevent her from attempting another suicide, then I'm all for it."

Cyrus walked in front of Fitz with anger and Fitz did the same. Trying to avoid an alteration, James stepped between Cyrus and Fitz.

"Hey, hey, hey," He said to them, "let's try to make everyone happy here. Fitz, Olivia is very vulnerable at the moment, and you checking up on her isn't going to help her or you, since we all know your feelings for each other, but we are not 100% sure she's going to hurt herself. While don't I be the one to check on her from time to time?"

"Fine," Fitz said and back off Cyrus.

At that very instant James got a call concerning his mother breaking a hip from climbing the stairs. And said he has to check on his mom.

"Then I'll be the one checking up on Olivia." Cyrus said.

"You who sleep consumes like a baby?" Fitz mocked.

Cyrus approached Fitz again and Fitz stood his ground to see what he could do. James was so over it at that instant.

"My mother just broke a hip and might die and you two are…."

"Don't be dramatic," Cyrus and Fitz said to James at the same time.

"When has anyone died from a broken hip?" Cyrus added.

James clutched an invisible pearl on his chest and shifted behind in a dramatic manner at Cyrus, "She's old," he screamed almost in tears.

Fitz and Cyrus burst into laughter from the way he said 'she's old.' But nothing was funny for James. He stormed away like one drama queen.

Fitz and Cyrus couldn't help, but laugh some more.

After the laughter subsided, Fitz breathed out, and became serious, "its ok, you can check on Olivia." He said to Cyrus, "I know you mean well Cy, but when it comes to her I'm irrational. She has consumed me. My whole life is her now. I don't even know what life was without her and I can't imagine life without her. It's all very consuming, but…."

"I know Fitz, and this is why I don't want you to mess this up. You two have a connection very special and rare that everyone with eyes can see. You two are going to be great together, but I need you to listen and respect my decision. I've known you for a long time and it'll kill me to see you destroy a good thing."

"Thanks."

Cyrus nodded. "Now let me go check on that drama queen. Olivia must be bathing now. I think you should get some sleep. After I finished with James I'll check on her."

* * *

It was hours since Cyrus left, but Fitz was still on the same spot. He knew he won't be getting any sleep tonight unless he was sure Olivia wouldn't do anything stupid.

He decided to check on Cyrus to know how Olivia was doing, but when he got to Cyrus place the maid told him Cyrus was sleeping and hasn't left the house ever since . James left some few hours ago to check on his mom. She asked if she should get Cyrus up for him, but Fitz told her no. He decided to check on Olivia himself.

When Fitz got to Olivia's door he noticed her lights were still on which meant she wasn't sleeping. Olivia once told him she couldn't sleep when the lights are on, and the eye mask didn't do it for her.

He banged on her door quickly and repeatedly, dreading the worst.

Olivia opened the door thinking something was wrong. "What happened, what's going on, is everyone ok?" She asked Fitz.

Fitz hugged her tightly instead, "Thank God you're ok."

"What?" Olivia asked him, confused.

"You hate sleeping with the lights on, but your lights are still on at this time. When I saw it I thought you've…"

"Hurt myself. Really?" She angrily demanded.

"Can you blame me?" It came out in an accusatory manner.

Olivia couldn't find her words. Fitz's words hurt a lot, but he was right, she couldn't blame him. In fact she was about to end it all at the restaurant earlier. Yet still, Fitz's question was like an arrow to her heart. Her eyes were full with tears.

"Oh, honey! I am very sorry." Fitz said and hugged her immediately after he saw the pain on her face. "The last thing I want to do at this moment is to cause you more pain, I was just worried"

Olivia calmed down, then asked Fitz to enter and closed the door. Fitz entered and sat on the sofa. Olivia wiped her eyes and sat on the same sofa too.

"I wasn't feeling sleepy. I was just thinking about life," she said and relaxed on the sofa.

Fitz wished he could stop her from thinking about her life. He knew her thinking about life after everything she has been put through today was bad for her mind at this moment. "I wish you would stop thinking."

"That would be amazing, but that can't happen unless I'm dead."

"Olivia!"

"I didn't mean anything by it."

"Can we talk about your suicidal thoughts?"

"I'd rather not, but I feel like I'm never going to have such thoughts again."

"Really, since when?" It was more like a rhetorical question from Fitz.

"You won't believe me so we better talk about something else."

Fitz didn't want to force the topic, "ok, what are your thoughts on your mom and Michaela?"

That subject hadn't really crossed Olivia's mind since the restaurant. She hadn't really thought about her visit to her mom and her brand-new sister because she couldn't stop thinking about Miriam and the other girls that were in the basement. She had been thinking what the girls must have been through and the trauma they were likely to carry for the rest of their life. Comparing it with what she had been through wasn't fair to the girls because kidnapping and being force to be a sex slave was just too unthinkable.

Fitz's question made her knew she had been thinking too much about Miriam and the other girls because she was avoiding thinking about her mom and how she now shared blood with her rapist.

The atmosphere was quiet, and then all of a sudden Olivia started crying. Fitz allowed her to cry but she wouldn't stop crying. He hated himself for the timing of that topic, it was just too soon. He cursed himself for not giving her enough time to process everything. He desperately needed to take the pain she was going through at all cost. Fitz knew of what could take Olivia's mind off her situation at this moment, but also knew Cyrus would crucify him.

At that very moment, Olivia stopped crying and rested her head on his shoulder. Fitz kissed her forehead and Olivia looked at him with red eyes, then her eyes shifted to his mouth. The sadness he saw in her eyes was too much. He would do the unthinkable to take that sadness away and Cyrus could crucify him later. All he wanted at the moment was for that sadness to be gone even for some minutes. He kissed Olivia's mouth, and Olivia just stared at him. He took off his shirt quickly then proceeded to kissing Olivia's neck. He tried taking Olivia's top off, but Olivia asked him to stop.

"Are you sure?" He asked Olivia.

"Yes, I'm not in the mood."

"Olivia?" Fitz called, already rock solid, but very shocked.

Olivia stood up from the sofa, "Please can you leave? I just want to be left alone."

Fitz's astonishment was off the roof, "Olivia, you just turned down sex, from me."

That caught Olivia by surprise too. It was just so surreal for her, "Wow, something must be wrong with me." She thought she was dreaming, but was certain she had never turn down sex even in her dreams.

"No, baby, nothing is wrong. You are getting free." Fitz stood up and lifted her in a big hug. He was so caught up in the excitement of the moment, and was about to kiss her again, but Olivia refused. She was repulsed by his erection on her lower abdomen and pushed away from his embrace.

Still in the high spirit of it all, Fitz went in for another hug, but Olivia shifted away.

He now felt utterly rejected and didn't know what to make of it. He backed off from her slowly and took his shirt on the floor, heading for the door.

Olivia could see the embarrassment in Fitz demeanor, "Fitz!" She called, but not having an explanation to give him as he touched the doorknob.

"Sleep tight," Fitz smiled at her dryly before leaving.

After Fitz left, Olivia felt livelier than she had felt in ages. She just turned down sex from a man she thought she couldn't do without, she knew Fitz's feelings were a little hurt, but also knew he'd get over it.

What was so amazing was she wasn't consumed with how she was able to say no to Fitz. Instead, she couldn't stop thinking of the girls who are now free because of her, and the feeling was just too amazing. She also thought how she almost committed suicides earlier on, and felt grateful to be alive to experience her current state of mind. She said to herself she'd never do that again. Her contentment with life was off the chains.

* * *

Certain Fitz was going to be pissed at him, but wanted to inform him Olivia was still alive and didn't try to hurt herself, Cyrus went to Fitz's office the next morning to explain he couldn't check on Olivia because he fell asleep, but had done so this morning.

"I know she's fine. I went to her yesterday," He informed Cyrus.

Cyrus was waiting for further explanation, "And?"

"And what?"

"Nothing happened between you two?"

"No."

"She didn't try anything with you?"

"It'll surprise you to know I tried something with her instead, but she turned me down?"

"You what?" Cyrus was almost breathing flames

But Fitz wished the flames were real to burn his rotten flesh, "I know, I wanted to take her mind off things, but thinking about it now, I think it was my selfish way to satisfy my unwell mind by using that as an excuse to justify what I tried to do," Fitz was very disgusted at himself, "I mean, how sick can one be to take advantage of someone's weakness knowing full well it won't be good for them?"

Cyrus found himself feeling bad for Fitz, but at the same time too proud of Olivia, "She really turned you down?"

The memory of yesterday refreshed in Fitz's mind, "Yes, even when I tried giving her congratulatory hug for turning me down."

"She turned you down for just a hug too?"

"Cyrus, I need help from myself. My feelings for her are unhealthy, it isn't normal."

"Oh, you are just experiencing love for the first time. This is what we call being in love."

"What's call being in love?" James asked as he entered Fitz's office.

"Back already?" Cyrus asked James.

"It was just a minor fall, but you guys, my mom is such a drama queen."

"Good to know who you took after." Fitz added dryly.

They all laughed and James asked of Olivia. Cyrus updated him on everything.

"Wow, with all what she went through yesterday? I've heard being pushed to extremes either sends you off the edge or make you stronger. Thank God her case is the latter."

And just there Olivia walked in. She greeted them, "Hello guys, I was told you all are here."

Fitz immediately stood up from his chair, "Olivia, I would like to apologize for yesterday. What I tried to do was unethical and wrong on all level. I now know I need help too."

Olivia stared at Fitz for some seconds without saying a word, then looked at James and Cyrus, knowing they were all aware of what happen with her and Fitz yesterday, she gave her attention back to Fitz, "what is important was you stopping after I asked you to."

But Fitz wasn't done beating himself, "But I shouldn't have tried that in the first place."

Olivia wasn't in the mood to cater for his emotions or make him feel better. She brushed it off like no big deal and shrugged, then told them why she was there, "Guys, I came to tell you all I'm ready to leave."

They all looked confused.

"Leave what?" James asked her.

"Leave this place."

"Olivia, you are doing well and making a lot of progress, but there are stages and tests you must past before we give you a clean bill of health, the fact that you think you are ok, doesn't mean you are ok," Cyrus.

"I'm not asking for you guys to give me a clean bill of anything, and I don't think I am ok, none of us are. I'm now just ready to accept and face anything that I've been through, and would go through. I'm ready to face life. I'm ready to laugh, I'm ready to cry. I'm ready to be hurt. I'm ready to make mistakes. And I don't need your permission to leave I'm telling you guys because you've all been very kind to me. I want you all to know I'm ready and not scared."

"So, when do you want to leave?" Fitz asked her

"I've packed already I just came to tell you guys, bye."

"Bye? What about us?" Fitz asked her.

Olivia was about to answer Fitz when her cell phone started ringing, she put on her ears and was informed her mother was dead and her little sister was nowhere to be found.

She gave her attention back to Fitz, "If 'us' is meant to be, then it'll be, if not, I'll be totally ok with that too." She looked at James, Cyrus then Fitz, "Thanks for everything guys. I have to go," She left.

"Did that just happen?" Fitz asked no one in particular.

"I guess you have to win her heart from scratch now," Cyrus winked teasingly at Fitz.


	13. Chapter 13

**I really don't know what's happening. This is the third time I'm now uploading this. I keep getting messages that there's nothing to the link. But some one just posted a review. So I don't know what's going on. I hope this one goes through because I don't think I have patience for this.**

"What happened?"

"After you guys left yesterday, she couldn't get in touch with Michaela, she started panicking and collapsed. And that was it." Maya's inmate told Olivia.

"And Michaela is not aware of this?"

"She is. She came just in time when they declared her dead. She ran away. No one knows of her whereabouts. Your grandma's neighbors who normally assist her informed me they still don't know where she is."

"So, who's in charge of Maya's body?"

"There's no one. Michaela is too young for the state to hand her the body."

Olivia shook her head and chuckled dryly, "Life just keeps getting interesting."

"Olivia, I know it ain't my place, but…. Maya loved you."

"Yes, it isn't your place." Olivia chided her.

The lady knew there was nothing she could do, "I understand. There are some belongings and letters for you and Michaela. She wrote them long ago and wanted you to have it when she's gone."

"Nah, give them all to Michaela when she shows up." Olivia got up from her seat to leave.

"You are leaving? Won't you want to claim her body and…."

"Woman you must be out of your mind. What made you think I care?"

"So, you don't care? But you took a three hour flight just to know what happened to her after being here just yesterday. You couldn't do that on the phone, who do you think you're fooling?"

"Excuse me?"

"Yes, you heard me right. You aren't fooling anyone; you came here because you care."

"Whatever, lady."

* * *

Upon receiving all the current information about Olivia, Abby was in front of Olivia's house waiting for her. She was furious and excited at the same time, furious why Olivia didn't bother to call her after everything, and excited because of her growth and progress.

Olivia took all of her luggage from the taxi before noticing Abby, "Abby?"

"Don't you dare Abby me, I've been waiting right here for almost two and a half hours now. Your video is all over the internet…."

"What video are you..?"

"I'm not done talking," Abby interrupted her. "You helped rescue some girls? You have a sister who's the daughter of your rapist, and turned down sex from almighty Fitz. And you didn't think I deserve to know, and by the way where are you coming from?

Before she could open her mouth to say anything, Abby followed up with another question.

"You quit the program?"

Deliberating which question to answer first, but coming up short, Olivia gave up, and decided to open the door of her apartment then walked in instead. Meanwhile, Abby was still standing outside, waiting for answers.

"Can you come in, please?"

Abby reluctantly walked in.

Olivia began taking off the sheets that Abby had placed on her furniture after she booked in for treatment. "Thanks for protecting my things from dust. I've been gone like forever." She avoided Abby's gaze on her every move. "Everywhere is dusty," She then stopped and looked at Abby, "won't you help me, why are you just standing there?"

"I need answers, Olivia."

"And you're going to get them as soon as we clean up first."

After pondering for some seconds, Abby finally budged, "Fine!"

"Thank you."

Within an hour, they found their selves every tired and drinking a second bottle of wine that Olivia bought on her way home.

"My mom is dead." She slipped it out.

Abby chucked on her wine, "What?"

"I got a call when I was about to leave the center that she's dead and my brand-new sister is nowhere to be found."

"Wait, but you just saw and spoke to her yesterday."

"Yep!"

Talking about Olivia's family has always been an untouchable topic for them; Abby didn't know what to say to her. "I really don't know what to say right now. Are you going to fly back there?"

"I'm just coming from there. I got the call and I flew there immediately."

"Wow, so what now?"

"It's not my problem."

"Do you still hate her?"

Olivia thought for a while, "I don't just care."

"What about your sister, how is she taking this?"

"I didn't see her. I was informed she ran away after seeing her body."

"Is Fitz and co aware of this?"

"I didn't tell them."

Abby got really concerned from Olivia's nonchalant respond and shifted closer to her, touching her arm, "Olivia, what's going on? Are you ok?"

Olivia could see the concern look on her friend's face. She took a deep breath, "To be sincere, I think everything is too much to process, but I'm trying not to over think things. Just yesterday I thought I could walk on water, and now, I feel misplaced. But you know what?"

"What?"

"Somehow I don't feel hopeless."

This made Abby genuinely happy, she could see her growth, "You really turned down Fitz? James gave me an update."

"I can't believe it myself. I don't know what happened, but I felt so repulsive at it you know, and now, just the thought of sex makes me cringe. I really don't know what's happening."

"So good to hear you say this, how did Fitz take it?"

"He was a little embarrassed." Olivia brushed it off like she didn't give a damn about Fitz.

"So has your feelings for him just disappeared like that out of thin air."

"I don't think I want to know. I just want to be selfish you know, to think about only me for once."

"I won't fault you for that. You have to really love yourself first before you can veritably love anyone."

That was exactly her state of mind with Fitz, "This is actually what I wanted to tell him when he asked me what about us, but I couldn't frame the words like you just did. I really want to make myself a priority now. I want to get to know me."

"In making yourself a priority, I advise you deal with your mom passing and this new sister thing, don't avoid it. Take a firm stand if you want to forgive your mom or not and if you want your sister to be part of your life or not."

This got Olivia thinking for some seconds, but decided there was nothing to beat herself over "I mean, what's there to forgive, Karma caught up with her, going to prison and now..." She paused, thinking about her mother's body with no one to claim, "As for my little sister she seems like a nice kid, but being her guardian is a no for me."

"So, what's in store for you now? You quit your job, you are actually jobless."

Olivia found herself relaxing for the first time since she told Fitz and Co bye, "Thank God money is not a problem. I've never been a big spender. But I want to travel the world right now. Spend some cash, you know. Taking a cruise would be nice"

"Girl, slow your roll."

Olivia laughed, "I'm serious. After my cruising, I'll want a different career path. I'd like to help people who have been through what I've been through. The feeling I got from setting those girls free is just too beautiful. I'd like to concentrate on making people feel good about themselves."

And that brought Abby to the viral video, "I saw the video this morning. Jake is the one who showed it to me. I tried getting in touch with you, but your number wasn't going through. Only for James to informed me you turned down Fitz and are done with the program."

"Wait, there's a video of me?" She took her phone to search for it. "What should I type in the….?"

"She should be the lead voice of 'Time's up'," Abby gave her the search engine title of the viral video.

Olivia rolled her eyes as she searched for the video. "Wow, I look like I was high or something," She said as she was going through it.

"You were really brave. What was really going through your mind?"

The thought of what she was about to do before noticing Miriam and the older man revitalized in her brain. She knew Abby was going to be disappointed, but felt like she needed to know. "Before that, I was about jumping from the 5th floor of that building." She said candidly.

"Olivia!" Abby cried out, "I thought you were in a good place."

"I was, but the visit to my mom was just too much, especially getting to meet Michaela."

Abby hugged her immediately, "Did you tell Fitz what you were about to do?"

Jerry's voice on the video shouting Mr. Bruise was about to escape brought their attention back to the video.

Abby pointed the number of views on the video, "Check out the number of people who have viewed it."

And just there Olivia's phone started ringing. A reporter called to ask if he could interview her. She told him no, and dropped the call, but another number was calling immediately, and all of a sudden her voicemail was full.

"What is happening, how did they get my number?"

"Jake the snake." Abby stated.

"I'm going to kill him, now it's just a matter of time before this place is crowded."

* * *

Fitz and Jerry were both rushing to the hospital after being informed Mellie, Andrew, and Karen was involved in a boat accident. When they got there, Dr David, who was a close friend of the family told them Andrew was dead and Karen was in a critical condition.

"What about my mom?" Jerry asked him.

"Her injuries are minor."

"Can I see Karen?" Fitz impatiently demanded.

"No Fitz, she's still in the OR. But you can see your wife, I mean Mellie."

 **XXX**

Immediately Mellie laid eyes on Jerry and Fitz, she began crying, "Andrew is gone, and it's my fault. He didn't want to take the stupid vacation, but I forced him and now he's no more."

Fitz hugged Mellie and Jerry placed his hand on her shoulder.

"What am I going to do, how am I suppose to live without him?"

"Mellie is ok, everything is going to be fine."

Mellie released herself from his embrace, "Easy for you to say. Have you ever loved someone other than yourself?"

"Mom, dad was just trying to be supportive."

Mellie gave no mind to Jerry, "Any news from Karen?" She asked them.

"David said she's still in surgery." Fitz informed her, "All we can do is wait and pray."

Mellie started crying again, "I didn't want her to come along for the trip. I wanted her to stay with you, but she said she hates you and begged for me to take her along."

It wasn't new to Fitz that Karen hasn't been a fan of his for some time now, but knowing she wouldn't be going through surgery right now if she didn't dislike him hurt so much.

Mellie was determined to hit the nail were it hurt, "She wouldn't be hurt right now if not of you."

Fitz's soul crashed a million times.

"Mom, is this really the time to play the blame game?"

"I know you've always loved your father more than me…."

He threw both hands up in frustration, walking away from his parents.

 **XXX**

Jerry went and sat at the reception thinking and asking God why he sent him to such a family. He then got a call from Michaela. She asked him about Olivia.

"My dad told me she left the program this morning. Hey, we didn't get to say goodbye after you ran out."

"Have she heard about our mom?"

"What about your mom?"

Michaela was silent for a while before saying, "I killed her."

"Michaela, you what?" Jerry shouted.

"I mean not physically, after I shouted at her like that and left yesterday, her blood pressure went up, and she died because I was refusing to answer her calls."

"Where are you?"

"I don't know. I followed some football college students, and we're in a private beach or something, but I don't know where exactly?"

"Michaela, do you know any of them?"

"Not really, but they're not bad or anything. We're just drinking, plus I don't really want to think about my mom."

"That's dangerous. Let me try to get Olivia for you. I can't come get you because my mom and sister were in an accident. My dad and I are in the hospital right now…."

Before Jerry could finish what he was saying, he heard someone calling Michaela to try something that would make her forget about her mom completely. And the call cut off.

Jerry was on his way to tell Fitz about it, but he saw his mom and dad arguing, he decided to tell Olivia himself. He tried calling Olivia, but it kept going to voicemail.

He tracked her phone and found himself in front of Olivia's house with reporters waiting outside for her.

* * *

"The reporters keep increasing," Abby said as she peeked through Olivia's window.

Olivia checked it out also, then saw Jerry, "What's Jerry doing here too?"

"Where is he?" Abby asked as she peeked again,

"Right there."

Jerry spotted them in the window and waved.

"You have to deal with those reporters." Abby said to Olivia.

"You deal with them."

"They aren't here for me."

"Let's just leave them there. They'll get tired and leave eventually," Olivia said, but without conviction.

Abby actually had no problem with that, but she thought of Jerry, "You can't just leave Jerry too,"

They both peeked again to look at Jerry.

A reporter immediately recognized Jerry from the videos, and he was surrounded within seconds.

"Ugh! How did he know where I live?"

"Locating someone is not very difficult these days," Abby answered.

Taking a long breath, Olivia closed her eyes thinking of what to do. "We should just face them and be done with it."

"We?" Abby demanded.

"Yes, we! I didn't ask you to be here. Now this is your problem too." She said, as she dragged Abby along with her.

They were now outside; the reporters left Jerry alone and turned to Olivia, bombarding her with questions. Each and every reporter was asking different questions at the same time. Abby signaled for Jerry to join them.

"Guys, one at a time, you!" Olivia pointed at someone.

"Did you know Mr. Bruise was a sex traffic lord?"

This information was brand-new to Olivia, "He was?" She asked in astonishment, "I didn't know."

"What gave you the courage to do what you did for Miriam?" Another reporter asked.

Olivia stared at the reporter for the longest time, and then looked at Abby. Abby nodded her head, indicating it was ok. Everyone got quiet in anticipation of her answer.

"Well, to tell you the truth. It was a tough day for me." She voiced out at last. Abby instantly held her hand to give her some momentum, "I was about jumping down from that floor when I noticed them there. And something told me she needed me or better yet I needed her. I think because I had nothing to lose gave me the courage to do that. Did that answer your question?"

"So, you were about to commit suicide?" Another reporter demanded.

"I think you heard me." Olivia then saw the shocked look on Jerry's face. "Guys, now that I've given you some insight, can I have some privacy, please."

Jerry was furious at Olivia when they got inside her apartment. "You were about committing suicide, and because you had nothing to lose? I know you neither a fan of your mom nor Michaela, but what about my dad, what about me, what about aunt Abby?"

"Jerry" Olivia called out apologetically, then tried to touch him.

"Don't touch me." He screamed at her and started crying.

Tears started falling from both Olivia and Abby's eyes too. They could both see how this was hard for Jerry to digest. He was just 16 even though he thought he was a grown up, but such an act was just too much for him to handle.

"Jerry, I'm sorry." Olivia said to him then tried to touch him again, but Abby shook her head, saying she shouldn't.

Abby went to Jerry instead, "Jerry, most people who commit suicide don't really want to die. They just want to stop hurting, your father told me this, and it's true." She forced Jerry to look at her, "Olivia has been through a lot that she just wanted the pain to stop."

"My dad and Uncle James told me she was raped at 16, and I know…"

"Jerry, not only was she raped, but she was blamed for it by the same person who was supposed to be there for her, her mom. She was neglected, discarded. Her mom and dad both wanted nothing to do with her as a kid, she raises up herself. And yesterday wasn't the first time she tried to end it all."

Even though Jerry family was messed up, he knew his parents loved him and couldn't imagine them not wanting anything to do with him, "I didn't know that."

Olivia was controlling herself not to sob as Abby continued with Jerry.

"There aren't many people who you'd hear such a story from because they weren't strong enough to keep living, but Olivia is still here."

Jerry rushed to Olivia and hugged her, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know. Please forgive me."

Olivia hugged Jerry tighter as they both sobbed for a while. "Jerry, its hard going through life when your brain has turned against you. I didn't want to die. I just really didn't want to live, if that makes sense. Depression is like a boulder of weight always on your back."

Wiping his eyes, Jerry let go of Olivia, "But you were about to kill yourself,Olivia."

"Suicide isn't about killing yourself. For me it is….. it was about starting new, a clean slate, to forget my troubles, and finally drop the pain. Please understand that I wasn't trying to be selfish or hurtful, even though it's somehow selfish. I just wanted the boulder to stop hurting me. I thought suicide was the nicest thing I could do for myself. I rationalized it by saying the world is better without off me. But now, I'm certain giving myself a chance to heal, is the kindest thing I can do for myself."

Taking Olivia's hand, Jerry walked with her to a nearby chair and gestured for her to sit down, "Just promise me anytime you have such thoughts again you're going to call me. And I promise I'm going to make you laugh so you feel happy."

They all chuckled through their tears. Abby walked to Jerry and gave him a hug.

"I promise, but I can also promise you I'll never try to hurt myself again."

"Are you sure?"

Olivia smiled, "I've made such promises many times, but this is the only time I really do believe I won't do it again. I'm ready to face the world. And I'm ready for anything."

Jerry took some steps away from her, "Did you say anything?"

"Yes, anything."

"Maya, your mom is dead," He thought it was new information to Olivia.

"I know that."

"Ok, I think Michaela might be in trouble."

Olivia got up from her seat, "Jerry, not Michaela again, I know you were mad at me after the way I spoke to her."

"But I'm not going to be mad again no matter what you decide to do. I now know where you are coming from. But I have to tell you what she might be going through right this moment."

"What?" Abby asked.

"She thinks she's responsible for Maya's dead and she's avoiding dealing with it."

"Jerry that's normal. She'd get through it. Trust me," Olivia assured him.

"Yeah, one day she might, but right now she might be getting gang rape as we speak?"

Olivia's heart skipped a thousand times, "What?" She asked in a whisper.

"She followed a group of college football students to a private beach. And I heard one telling her over the phone to try something that would make her forget about her mother."

Olivia breathed out in relief, "That doesn't mean she's being ganged raped"

"Are you kidding me? I'm on my way to college soon and I do have college friends. Think about it. Michaela is hot and…"

Abby chipped in, "Olivia, college students, football, and try something that will make you forget about your mom doesn't sound appealing to the ears."

"Okay, call her again let's see if she's ok or not." Olivia proposed.

They all waited patiently for Michaela to pick up her phone, but she didn't. Abby and Olivia were both staring at Jerry. Abby asked him to try again. As soon as Jerry was about to call again, Michaela was calling right back. Jerry puts the call on speaker.

"Jerry, I'm having the time of my life. See, you haven't lived until you try what I'm having right now. I'm fine. I gotta go, bye."

"At least we know she's not getting gang rape." Abby supplied.

"Jerry, she's dealing with her pain the best way she sees how," Olivia said to him.

Jerry thought for a while, "Well if you say so. I have to go back to the hospital then."

"Why, what are you going to do there?" Olivia asked.

"My mom and sisters were in an accident. My mom's boyfriend died. And my sister is in a critical condition. My dad is there. I'm sure he'll be looking for me now."

Olivia got very concerned and worried for Fitz, "Oh my God, can I come with you?"

"Ok, I'm sure my dad would be happy to see you."

"Abby?" Olivia called.

"You guys should go ahead. Mellie has never liked me; her seeing my face might…"

* * *

They got to the hospital and Jerry took Olivia to her mom's room. Mellie was lying on top of Fitz sound asleep.

"This is an interesting site. I guess there was a plot twist after I left." Jerry said.

Fitz then noticed their presence and told Jerry to be quiet in order not to wake Mellie as he disentangled himself from her. He walked out of the room with them.

"Olivia, nice to see you."

"How is she doing?" Olivia demanded very concerned.

"Who, Mellie? She's ok, hysterical but ok. I was able to get her to sleep."

"I'm so sorry. And how is your daughter?"

Fitz didn't know the answer to give her. From Fitz's comportment, Olivia could tell he was in pain just thinking about his daughter. He was searching for words, but nothing came out from his mouths. And all of a sudden he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Reaching out to him, Olivia hugged him. And it was exactly what he needed. He didn't want to let go of her.

Jerry felt like he was intruding on them, "Okay, I should give you guys a minute."

After Fitz was calm, he let go of Olivia, "Thank you. I needed that."

"You're welcome." She just stared at him, waiting for him to say something.

Fitz swallowed hard before speaking, "Karen is out of surgery, but the doctors said she might be paralyzed from the waist down." He paused, "If only she didn't hate me…" Fitz couldn't control himself from crying now.

Olivia felt really bad for him, "Please don't try to blame yourself. The outcome of that is never good."

"Olivia, she's my baby girl."

"I know." She reached out again and hugged him.

The arms of Olivia felt like heaven to Fitz. "God, I miss you so much. I know its just been hours, but…. Do you miss me too?"

"Fitz"

He released himself from her embrace, "you don't?"

Olivia recalled what Abby said, for her to be able to truly love someone, she has to really love herself first, "I need to get to know myself and heal, Fitz."

"What does that mean? I love you Olivia." He realized this was the first time he was saying this to her, and it sounded desperate.

"Now that's just selfish."

"That's really your reply, what's selfish in me loving you?"Fitz was confused.

"I just told you I need to know myself and heal, but you threw in you love me. I think you just want me to be obsessed with you forever."

"This is the first time I'm saying this to you. Olivia, that's not fair."

"No, Fitz, what's not fair is you telling me you love me and expecting a reply. I once told you that and what was your respond?"

Karma wasn't what he needed at the moment, in fact, this discussion wasn't what he needed, but he started it.

He then thought of the first time Olivia uttered those words to him, "I needed to be certain you weren't just saying that because…."

"But now you're certain, and want me to say it back? Fitz, I'm not mentally prepared for this. I can't do this…."

"Why do I feel like you're breaking up with me…." He paused and thought for a while before asking, "Where we ever dating?"

Olivia didn't know the response to give him that wouldn't be hashed, "I'm sorry I'm going to say this to you with what you are going through. But Fitz, me getting to know myself and heal are going to come with no apology or honey coated words."

"So, I'm of no importance to you now?"

"I didn't say that. The last thing you're going to do is make me feel guilty for making myself a priority."

This was a position Fitz never thought they would be in. Yes, he wanted Olivia to heal or whatever she needed, but was desperate, thinking she might get healed and discard him. "What if you get to know yourself and heal, then realized you don't love me?"

"Do you actually hear yourself, so you prefer I never get to heal and know myself? You just want me to be the sex craze girl that drools over you so you have to pity and take care of?"

It actually didn't sound that bad in Fitz's ears if it meant he has a place in her heart. But before he could chew on it, he realized they had a spectator, Mellie.

"So she's the one who's been keeping you occupy." Mellie said to them.

Thanking God's intervening for preventing a fist fight with Fitz; Olivia walked up to Mellie and extended her hand. "I'm so sorry if we woke you up and for what you're going through. I'm Olivia, a friend of Jerry and Fitz."

"I'm sure you are." She ignored Olivia's cordial gesture and gave her attention to Fitz instead, "For how long have you two been screwing?"

"Mellie." Fitz called out.

Olivia was certain she wasn't emotionally prepare to deal with whatever family drama they might be having. She went and gave Fitz a kiss on the cheek and told him to tell Jerry she'd call him.

While Olivia was walking away, Mellie saw the way Fitz looked at her, "You've never looked at me like that. I guess I am just too woman for you to handle."

"or I'm not just that into you," He responded rudely.

"Fitz, it's too soon to be rude, I'm still in pain. I'm still grieving."

* * *

It was almost 2: 00 am in the morning, but Olivia was still struggling to sleep. She was restless the whole night and didn't know exactly why. She thought it might be how things went in the hospital with Fitz, but she was certain making herself a priority was the right thing to do.

Olivia was turning from side to side on her bed and even pulled the blanket over her face to shut down everything, but still ended in vain.

One particular sentence she said to Fitz in the hospital came to her head, _'I need to get to know myself and heal?'_ "How do I start with this?" she asked herself out loud.

As soon as she catechized herself with that, she fell asleep, but only to wake up 30 minutes after, due to a nightmare. She booked a flight immediately and called Jerry to give her Michaela's number.

The plan plane took off before her brain started asking her of her plans and intentions. She tried answering herself back to be certain she was doing the right thing.

Brain: 'What are you doing?

Olivia: 'Well I just want to make sure she's ok.'

Brain: 'But you said you two can never be sisters.'

Olivia: 'Making sure she's ok doesn't mean we're sister. It's just the human thing to do.'

Brain: 'If she's not ok, then what?'

Olivia: 'I make sure she's ok.'

Brain: 'how?'

Olivia: 'I don't know.'

She then asked herself to shut up, concluding one step at a time.

After the plane landed she tried Michaela's number, but a nurse answered the called. The nurse told her they were just trying to unlock Michaela's phone so they could call someone on her contacts.

The nurse then asked Olivia who she was to Michaela. She contemplated her answer before she finally said she was her sister. The nurse told Olivia the name of the hospital. And she drove there from the airport.

 **XXX**

"What's wrong with her?" Olivia asked the nurse.

"She has all kinds of drugs in her system. And there are bruises everywhere on her body."

A tsunami of fear swept over Olivia and her heart flipped so hard that she had to calm herself and breathe for a while, "Was she raped?" She finally asked.

"No actually. She tried to kill herself. She jumped over a cliff, but luckily or sadly for her the cliff wasn't all that steep. Some guys dropped her here, but were scared to give details about themselves. She'll be up soon."

"Can I sit and wait here until she does?"

"Sure?"

Olivia sat and just watched Michaela. As awful as Olivia's experience was, she knew it wasn't Michaela's fault. She did not choose how she was conceived and did not choose who her parents were. She touched Michaela's face, "You are a 'victim of someone else's act of violence."

Brain: 'what are you going to do now, Olivia?'

Olivia: 'tell her suicide is not an option and….'

"Olivia?" Michaela called.

"Yes, how are you feeling?"

"What are you doing here?" Michaela asked instead.

"You tried to kill yourself?" Olivia avoided the question.

Michaela started crying, "I feel hopeless. I see no reason not to die. Death is the only option."

This was a state of mind Olivia had been accustomed to for years, and this caused her to really sympathize with Michaela, "I know how you feel. I understand the feeling of utter hopelessness that can so easily consume a life. I've suffered with that for a long time."

"What should I do?" Michaela pleaded for answers in tears.

Olivia didn't know the magic word that could take away such feelings, but she tried to talk from the deepest part of her heart as if she was advising her 16 year old self, "You have to take the other road willingly. You attempting suicide means evil have shown itself, but you don't have to surrender the most sacred of gift, your life. Your happiness is your choice. Know that you are in control of your wishes and desires."

Michaela covered her face in frustration, "What does all that even mean?"

"Michaela, everything that has happened or will happen to you, you can either choose to hurt yourself in retaliation or take what has happened has a gift. Situations in life are either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. But the choice is always yours."

All what Olivia just said was more depressing and frustrating for Michaela, and sounded like complete bullshit. She was certain dying was the only option for her, "I remember you said you live in rehab because you can't function as a proper human being. So, how does my dad's rape of you and mom's neglect been a gift or an opportunity to help you grow?"

 _'_ _She's smart alright,'_ Olivia thought and just stared at Michaela with a heavy heart. "I've hurt myself in ways you can't even imagine. I've been so caught up in hurting myself and messing up my life since 16 years of age, till yesterday, I helped rescue some girls from some sex traffic lord. And I realized there'll always be someone who has gone through far worse situation in life than another. I know bad things are always going to happen in life, but it depends on me to maneuver positively from there."

The most important part Michaela heard from Olivia's speech was her rescuing some girls from a sex trafficking lord. She thought about it as Olivia finished her speech and got rejuvenated.

"How did you rescue them?" Michaela asked with so much enthusiasm as if she wasn't considering death some few minutes ago.

By just witnessing the 360 degree attitude change from Michaela, Olivia experienced a pride and Joy she never knew existed, "The video is all over the internet. Do you want to see it?"

"Yes, please," Michaela responded with so much intensity.

The thrill Olivia felt as she observed Michaela watched the video was everything and more, and it was all she needed.

Olivia knew precisely what to do in order to heal completely. And though it'd be the hardest thing for her to ever do, she was certain it was the only way for her to be able to love anyone wholeheartedly and to forgive herself completely.

Michaela looked at Olivia and saw tears in her eyes, "Why are you crying, did I do or said something?"

If Olivia was being honest, she'd say Michaela sounded just like her when thinking she had done something wrong without knowing what exactly. Olivia smiled and touched her face. "No, Michaela. I have to forgive your dad and our mom. Do you know where your dad is buried?"

"Yes, but you can forgive just mom. You don't need to forgive him."

Olivia's chuckle came from the purist part of her heart, "Yes, Mich, I have to forgive him for me. You'll have to take me there after you are discharged."


End file.
